A Court of Shadows and Stars; Azriel

V

By the time the meeting was over and the Inner Circle arrived home, everyone was beyond exhausted either mentally, physically, or emotionally.

{Lorelai PoV}

Walking past Amren, I hurried to my chambers. I heard her mumble a question to Cassian, probably asking why everyone was in such a foul mood.

I began to see red thinking back on tonight's events, and I'm sure Mor is just as furious with Azriel as I am. Not only did he go against my word, but every time I tried to get his attention to speak with him tonight, he ignored me.

The door slammed as I stormed to my bathroom, the house nymphs disappearing into the air immediately after seeing my state.

Gritting my teeth in an effort to keep from shouting, I looked up from my white knuckles and into the mirror to be met with a distraught reflection.

A tense, hunched over form exuded an animosity thats was pure simmering rage. Her face was red and jaw clenched with suppressed hot, burning anger.

Anger towards Azriel. Anger towards Eris. Anger to this god-forsaken world she was born into.

All of my life, anger was the only emotion I was allowed to show.

Rage like a fire that burns hot, but dies fast. An inferno that burned everything in its path, leaving cold ashes and no water left once finished burning.

Or a more rare type of anger that only comes once every few years. Cold rage, a frozen fury that burns miserably long. Injustices throughout the months that build like deep water currents.

When this type of anger comes, it is unleashed without a second thought.

After years of torture and trauma, its became my body's defense mechanism.

I can't get close to people without releasing this wrath inside, causing everyone in my life to abandon me at one point or another. I reduce them to rubble with my words, like a wicked tornado.

I expect sorrow, apologies, regret, guilt... but it never comes. Instead I feel relief, relief from releasing my inner rage, frustration, and anger. Standing there, eyes full open, watching as shock embeds their features, before cursing at me, and finally turning around and walking away forever.

I stay that way until the glowing embers die, until the wind blows cold once more, before I too, turn around and leave.

I've released this anger on the Inner circle only once before.

However, instead of leaving, Azriel pulled me into his arms, as if to say "I will never leave. Not like everyone else".

Then Mor. Then Cassian. Then Rhys. Hell, even Amren joined the group hug.

I promised myself then that I would never leave their sides.

Reaching my hand out, I pick up the thing that broke my thoughts. It was a photograph of Az, Cass, and I taken last Starfall.

It's a little blurry, but you can still make out Cassian making a funny face while holding two fingers behind my head and Azriel standing on the other side of me, his arm over my shoulder, and small smiles on both of our faces.

Just like that, all of my previous anger was gone.

"You know, for a Spymaster, you're not very stealthy."

Hearing my words, the Shadowsinger kept his head down while stepping out of the shadows. Keeping his head down, he made his way over to me until I felt his chest graze my back.

Reaching out, he took the picture in his hand, looking at it intently while I watched the ghost of a smile on his lips through the mirror.

When I turned around, he took a small step backwards and shyly looked everywhere but me. Gently taking his chin with my fingers, I led his head up until he was looking into my eyes.

Hesitantly, he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me close, gently rubbing my arm and my scarred back. I couldn't help but sink into the warmth of his form, appreciative of the simple gesture.

Feeling his gentle touch brush my scars, broke down my final wall. That walls that took years for me to build, the walls that hold me up, the walls that make me strong. Moment by moment, salty tears made their way down my face.

Feeling vibration against my shoulder, I looked at the tears welling up in his golden eyes.

"I'm sorry.''

I gingerly took his face into my palm, stoking my thumb against his cheek with one hand, while taking his scarred one in my other, letting him know that I forgive him.

This action seemed to break him even more as he brought me into another secure hug. We held each other in silence, rocking slowly as stray tear fell onto each other's shoulders.

"Come on, let's go to bed," I mumbled as we pulled apart.

He simply nodded and followed as I led him into the bedroom. We changed into our night clothes and got beneath the covers.

We sat there for a while in comfortable silence, just enjoying the others presence. Sinking deeper into Az's arms, I listened to his heartbeat from his chest against my ear.

I absentmindedly began to trace the scars on his palms before he quickly pulled his hands away. Looking up at him in question, he avoided meeting my gaze. I grabbed both of his hands in mine, holding tightly so that he couldn't pull them away.

For a while he stared at his hands in mine before looking back at me. I tried to keep my voice strong, but I couldn't help how it cracked a little.

"Az, why?"

He looked down and away in embarrassment before mumbling the answer I expected.

"I don't want you to see them. They're ugly and-"

"Az"

The urgency in my voice caused his head to snap up to mine.

"We've been over this millions of times. I never have and I never will find your scars ugly. Please never hide them from me again", I pleaded with him.

He mumbled what I guessed was an 'Ok' and out the window.

I placed a light kiss to his hands that were still grasped in mine, his head snapping to me at the action.

Chuckling at the pink that spread across his cheeks, I gave another soft kiss to the inside of his palm. I continued to press gentle kisses all over his hands before pulling him back down and cuddling into his chest.

His face still held a surprised expression but he relaxed into my embrace. Nuzzling my head into his neck filled my senses with the comforting smell of night-chilled mist and cedar, before I was pulled into one of the best nights of sleep I've gotten in a while.

A\N- lol sorry my dudes that this is really bad and all over the place. I'm not good at writing fluff but I hope that you enjoy this kind-of filler chapter.

P.S. someone please make me an Azriel scented candle