A Court of Shadows and Stars; Azriel

XII

The silence seemed to stare back at me. My shaking limbs tensed, and on instinct I let out a hearty laugh.

"Wow, Az. You got me good. This is only like the third time you've tried to prank me in my life, so you had me there for a second," I laughed.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, my eyes widening as he gingerly wrapped his arms around me.

I drank in the silence suffocating us, trying to suppress for just a few more minutes what I realized to be the truth. This kind of thick silence that I would normally welcome, chilled me. The silence hung in the air for a moment before falling, shattering like glass to the ground.

And for the first time in what felt like an eternity, I cried.

It was more than crying. The kind of desolate sobbing that only comes once all hope is lost. My tears soaked Azriel's bandages as he cradled me in his arms, stroking my hair reassuringly and rocking me slightly. Tears streaked my cheeks unceasingly, like burning fire. Each hot trail made its way down my face in agony. The fire of anger, of shame- of denial burned through my frame and into my heart.

My heart.

A newfound, deep emptiness filled it. Breathing hitched and my knees finally gave out, causing me to slip out of the chair and into Azriel's lap.

There was no hope for the immortal me. I had been through a number of miserable things, done a number of unspeakable things- and now I had an eternity to deal with my guilt. With my shame.

My chin trembled like a small child and I looked towards the window, as if the light could soothe me somehow. My howls of misery had died down and I took short pauses to recover my breath. I stifled the last few sobs climbing up my throat, forming a painful lump.

Azriel kept soft eyes on me, refusing to look away.

'Oh how I wish he would', I thought. 'I don't want him to see me like this'.

Slim fingers held my chin and guided my face to his.

"We'll get through this," he said, nodding.

The look in his eyes almost caused me to start weeping gain, but I refrained from doing so.

"What does this mean..." I trailed off quietly.

A loud voice made me jump, and Cassian strolled into the tent, grinning uncontrollably.

"This means, dear Lorelai, that you and I get to spend an eternity together-" he moved his eyebrows up and down at me, then noticed Azriel's and I close proximity.

"Was I interrupting something?" he said, smirking his arse off.

Azriel sent him a look at his previous words and he backtracked.

"What I meant was, you and I will spend an eternity together as best friends," he added, winking at Azriel.

I rolled my eyes but couldn't help but laugh. Cassian always managed to cheer me up. Azriel got up and helped me stand, and I gave Cassian a tight hug which he gladly returned.

"An eternity for me to kick your ass while sparring," I smirked.

A loud sound bellowed from Cassian as he threw his head back in laughter.

"We'll see," he smiled.

{3rd PoV}

Azriel smiled at his best friend and the girl he loved as they playfully bantered with each other.

Just a moment ago, Lorelai was crying in his shoulder. Now she's laughing, although the tear stains on her cheeks were still visible. The shadowsinger knew she was still upset, but he was glad that Cassian could take her mind off things.

Stepping quietly out of the tent, Azriel bumped into Rhysand.

"How did she take the news?" Rhys questioned.

Azriel grimaced, knowing that if Lorelai found out he told Rhys that she cried, she would be beyond furious. Not looking forward to the wrath of Fae Lorelai, he skipped that part.

"Not well, but I think that she will get used to it. She just needs time to adjust."

Rhys nodded and went back to his duties.

Seeing that it was night time, Azriel went to get Lorelai and hisself dinner before returning to the tent.

{Lorelai PoV}

Cassian, who was seated on the chaise in front of me, blurted,

"I blew up one building that mission. One!"

Before I could respond, Azriel entered the tent with food in his hands. He placed a plate in front of me and I thanked him.

"It's late, you should rest," he said to me, shooting a look at Cassian to leave.

Cassian winked in return, causing Azriel to roll his eyes.

"Okay, lovebirds," Cassian teased.

Azriel's cheeks were tinted pink, and he sent a glare at Cassian's retreating form while I simply laughed.

"How are you feeling?" he asked me.

I shrugged and poked at my food. Everything hurt. Any tiny movement hurt. Cassian thought that it would be funny to show me what I looked like in a mirror. Bruises and cuts covered my weak form. My face was sunken and ashen from blood-loss, similar to Azriel's.

"What about you?" I asked, looking at him.

He looked up from his plate and sighed.

"I won't be able to fly or fight for a while. Rhys is keeping me off the battlefield." he pouted angrily.

"Good," I smiled. 'Cute', I thought seeing him pout like a small child. "You aren't in any condition to fight."

He snarled slightly at my answer and angrily stabbed his food with his fork, causing me to chuckle and he to release a small smile of his own.

Once we were done eating, he collected our plates and sat beside me on my cot. I looked at his pink face suspiciously as he whispered quietly,

"Can I try something?"

Unsure, I nodded and he hesitantly wrapped one arm around my shoulders and the other across my chest. An unfamiliar feeling fluttered in my stomach at the feeling of my body pressed against his.

'Why', I thought. 'We've been close like this many times before? What is this feeling?'

Despite the slight pain in my shoulder from my injuries, I sunk further into the warmth of his side. The embrace was a simple gesture, but it was everything I needed in that moment.

Warm. Secure. Reassuring.

The world and all my worries seemed to melt away as I gently squeezed him back. The feeling of his body so close to mine was unexpectedly much more soothing than ever before.