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Madison's POV
"Madison, you're only lying to yourself."
"No, I was fine! I didn't feel anything for him, I had zero feelings for him, zero! Nothing." I said.
"And what happened when you saw him?" Christine, my therapist asked.
I sighed and put my hands over my face.
"Madison, you can't move forward if you don't talk about it."
I swallowed the lump in my throat and closed my eyes.
"It was like a slap in the face." I said, my voice cracking in the middle of the sentence. "God, I miss him so much. Ever since I saw him, he's all I think about! It's like I fell in love with him all over again. Except it's worse because this time I know I can't have him. Besides, it's wrong!"
"What happened at dinner?"
I pushed a strand of hair back and said "Nothing happened. We didn't really talk. We just... sat next to each other and pretended like we were still together. He called me beautiful and interlocked our fingers... and before he left he hugged me. And I held onto him so tight... I wanted to stay with him longer, but he...left. He let go of me." I said.
"Why don't you reach out to him?" She asked and I shook my head.
"No. That's a horrible idea." I said. "Gosh, I feel stupid."
"You're not stupid."
"I am! I- I don't know why I left him, I'm so dumb!" I confessed. That's the only thing I've been thinking about, what would've been if I hadn't been so stupid, if I hadn't left him. I'm so mad at myself.
"You needed time for yourself, and that's okay. It's a responsible thing to do."
"No, I should've just talked to him. He wanted to be there for me and I didn't let him. He was so caring and sweet. And he tried, he told me to talk to him, but I just couldn't."
"I wish I had just talked to him instead of pushing him away. Maybe I could've just taken time for myself for a little, I bet he would've understood. But instead, I had to ruin things for us."
"Do you really think you ruined things so badly that there's no going back?"
"Yes, he told me that he didn't want me to go back to him after I left. He said he wanted nothing to do with me."
"Hmm... didn't he go to your home last week?"
"And didn't he do all these romantic gestures to you?"
"He hugged me. How is that a romantic gesture?" I said. Or did he do it in a romantic way? I just don't want to get my hopes up and think that I have a chance with him when I don't.
