A Curly Mess Of Emotions✓

25-The Last Letter

Dear Santa Claus,

How have you been? I'm sure you have been good, since you're a fairy tale character and they always have happy lives-

Scratch that.

I crumpled this sheet and threw it in the bin. I know this letter isn't going anywhere, but I did treat Saint Nicholas as a huge part of my childhood. This is more of an honorary letter for him, and for me too.

Dear Santa Claus,
I hope you've been well and healthy. Ofcourse you have been, it would be weird if you weren't. What if it wasn't though? What if there was a tale where you were sick because the children were misbehaving and some hero kid comes and-

Nope. Not the point of this letter. I'll definitely work on that storyline though, would be one hell of a story.

Anyways I hope you're happy. It's a great feeling you know. I've come to feel that lately. Ofcourse, the feeling is nothing like rainbows and confetti but my mind is at peace. The guilt is fading away.

My mom knocked on my open door. “Your friends are here,” she smiled.

“Tell them I'd be right down in five.” She nodded and headed back into the kitchen. I got back to writing.

It's the twenty seventh of December. Belated Merry Christmas, my old man.

I took out a passport sized photo of my brother, and started applying glue at the back of it. I pressed it against the letter I was writing.

We didn't celebrate Christmas this year.  The atmosphere here is healing, but is still too gloomy for such a celebration. We are still mourning Russell, however suppressed it is within us. But we're also making amends with each other. My only regret is that he isn't bere to see that and feel that.

I took a moment to look at him in the small photograph. “You beautiful little shit,” I said and I could not help smiling a little.

“Who you cursing at, roomie?”
Carolyn said, leaning against the door, as she took a bite from an apple.

“Cary it's eight ‘o’ clock in the evening. Why are you eating an apple?”

“Hey, it was the reddest apple I've ever seen. So red that the Evil Queen's apples are nothing in comparison. Nothing.” She said as she made her way towards my desk. “Whatcha doing?”

“Oh I'm just finishing up some stuff, I'll be right down.”

“Hey, everything's alright though right?”

“What, do you think I spend my days crying around everywhere?” I joked.

She didn't get it. “Honey that is not what-”

“Whoa slow down there,” I went up to her. “It was a joke love, and yes everything is okay,” I smiled. She smacked me on my arm. “Get your ass down quick, my brother” she gave me a knowing look “is waiting for you.”
I gave a her a sheepish smile. “He's waited so long for me, another five minutes won't hurt.” We laughed.

“I'm really happy we met Carolyn.” I said, without thinking. This was Carolyn though. I could tell her anything.

She hugged me. “I'm really happy too. I'll see you down, make it quick.” She broke apart and went back down. I got back to my desk.

I'm making amends with my father, at a slow pace. We eat at the dining table together. All four- three of us.
The fourth chair remains empty and no matter how hard we try to ignore it, it's emptiness does swallow us sometimes. We won't be able to forget, and neither do we want to. But we are making peace with it. After all, he is in a better place.

Things have been easy with my mother too. My dad knows that I know. We're helping each other grow.

I told Mark about my conversation with Andrew. He replied to that by kissing me gently, as if he was telling me that he's there for me. We're taking things slow. We go to the arcade every day. I'm getting better at the games now as well.

There's a knock on my door. I turn around to see Mark standing against it. “How much longer do I have to wait to see you?”

I smirked at him and got back to my letter.

Andrew and I haven't spoken since then. I don't think we will ever have a voluntary conversation ever again. Yes, I'll see him on campus. Yes, it'll be awkward. But I've been pretending since so long, a little more won't hurt.

I know Russell would be happy to see this. If he could read this he'd mock me, but he would be so proud.
I miss him. There are nights when I clutch the photo frame on my bedstand close and fall asleep. But this is something I can live with. It's something that will be one day, okay.

“Ahem ahem.”

“Look at you getting all impatient,” I said as I wrote the final lines.

I'll survive adulthood. I'll survive life. You don't exist, I know. But you don't need to be a real human being to give me the peace you've been giving me since forever. That is why we have fictional characters in the first place.
Thank you for everything.

Good bye,
Stephanie

I folded up the letter and carefully put it in my drawer.

Mark leaned away from the door as he saw me approach him. I stood on my toes and gave him a kiss. “C'mon.”

We went down in the hall room. Samuel was there too. “There are they.” He pointed a spatula at us (where did he get that?) “Next time y'all decide to exchange some saliva, make damn well sure it isn't in front of my food.”

“Jeez, Sammy, I thought I was the cynical one here,” I exclaimed, as Mark threw his arm around me. My parents came out of their room as they said their goodbyes; they were heading out for the night.

“So the adults are out and we have the house, hell yeah!” Samuel exclaimed.

“Sammy, we're adults too.” Carolyn deadpanned.

He took a moment to think about that. He actually had to think about that. This man amazes me every time.

When he realised that this was indeed quite a dense comprehension, he said “What are we playing anyway?”

“What do you think about some Scrabble, for starters?” Mark said, looking down on me. His height somehow always takes me aback.

“The hell, Cooper? This ain't a kiddy party,” Sammy pretentiously exclaimed.

“You gotta behave like an adult to get to have an adult party, Samuel.” Cary said, again, and they ended up in an argument.

Mark looked at me with a goofy grin. “Wanna play some ‘beer’ pong, shortcake?”
I playfully punched him in the chest. He grinned. “I'm gonna get something to drink. You want something?”

I thought about it. “Some cappuccino would be nice,”

That just deepened his smirk. “As long as you don't spill any more of them on me.”
Those memories made me laugh. Yes, we did meet at that grocery store. But it is all those cappuccinos that are responsible for who we are today.
I know it's wrong to objectify my happiness right now but I just feel so happy and content that I could attribute my happiness to all things possible.

I like this. And I know this is just the beginning. But I also know that I'll figure it out as and when the time calls.

“I'll try not to,” I played along.

_______________________________
This is it.
We did it.

For all the readers who've been reading and keeping up with my nonsense since day 1, we did it.

For all of you, thank you, thank you for reading. I sincerely hope this book wasn't a disappointment.

I love every single one of you.♡

Always,
Alisha♡