A Curly Mess Of Emotions✓

18

There was a hat sitting on my dresser drawer.

The hat was black- it had a subtle layer of net over it, and a black ribbon on the base curve.

I had only wore the hat once- during a masquerade party thrown by my parents for Russell's birthday years ago.

It was in an amazing condition, after such a long time. I had never thought I'll wear that hat again.

But here I was, placing it delicately on my head once more, for a ceremony related to Russell again. The only difference was, it was not his party.

It was his funeral.

I put on a pair of Mary Janes and stepped out of my room. My parents had already left early, they knew I wouldn't want to face them anyway.

"Ready?"

Mark was there, looking at me with sympathy and caution. He knew today was a tough day for me. He had been waiting to take me to the church where his the eulogy and stuff was going to take place.

"Yeah, I guess." I replied.

He knew it was no use to say anything to make me feel better, so he didn't. I needed peace.

We stepped out of the house and walked towards the driveway. His Mini Cooper was waiting outside.

I let a faint smile come on my lips at the memory of it.

He held the door open for me and moved to the other side. As we both got in, he removed a wrapped chicken sandwich from the duffel bag he was carrying.

"Here, have this," he said, while shoving the sandwich in my hands.

"I'm not hungry," I stated.

"I didn't ask if you were hungry, that was never a part of the question," he said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I don't need to eat," I said, with more force and irritation then required.

"Dont be stupid, you've got to eat, or you'll fall sick. How else am I going to irritate you if you're already sick?"

I sighed and took a bite, after unwrapping it.

Inspite of my current phase of adrenaline, I had to agree, despite of these the timing- the sandwich was simply heavenly.

"This is so good," I said while stuffing my mouth.

He flashed a crooked smile. "What else did you expect from me?"

"You flatter me,"

"Oh that I do," he smirked.

And for once, I didn't mind.

As we entered the church, I saw many people from my past. There were so many people from high school that I had forgotten about. Even my grandfather had made it. As soon as I saw him, I ran up to him and hugged him, after bending on my knees, as he was confined to a wheelchair. I met several people, even those from Russo's school life and Cancer Support Group. They were all offering condolences.

I walked up to the coffin. It wasn't an open casket ceremony. He never liked open caskets, I remembered.

Despite having thought about this multiple times, despite telling myself I won't cry, I couldn't control a few droplets from my eyes from falling. Falling directly on the coffin. I quietly wiped my tears from my face and than from the coffin, slowly caressing the box, the box which caged my brother.

My inspiration and my best friend lay in there, probably wearing his black turtleneck which he loved so much and wore to almost all his hospital visits. How ironic.