The Star and the Fangirl - A Lisrene Adaptation (AU)

Chapter 21 - Fight

Jennie came back with popcorn as both of them snuggled next to each other to watch the movie. Lisa's mind wouldn't stop thinking about what just happened with Jennie's friends.

I mean... I guess she likes them... For some reason. I have yet to figure out that reason, but, apparently there is one. I guess they make her laugh? I mean... I don't get their type of humor, but... Okay, I guess...?

Then Lisa's eyebrows furrowed as she remembered the things they have done to her.

I mean, they don't know me. And they acted rude towards me. I mean, everything aside, calling someone you've just met a "freak" is not nice. And the way they've disregarded my opinions when I tried to join their conversations... I was trying no to look antisocial and actually engage with them and they were... mean. Rude. All three of them.

Lisa's blood started to boil. For the first time in a long time, she didn't want to come up with any excuses for Jennie and her friends. Actually, she did try to come up with excuses for them, because Lisa's mind always tries to do the polite thing. But this time, she actually couldn't come up with anything.

But, she didn't want to come up as "paranoid" like Jennie would describe her. So she went the quieter route:

"Hey Jennie..."

"Mm?" Jennie said, still not taking her eyes off the movie.

Good, she's still awake. And she doesn't seem tired.

"So... What do you think your friends think of me?" Jennie sat up and moved away from Lisa, turning her head towards her and paused the movie. Lisa was confused. 

"Actually...I wanted to talk to you about that." Jennie spoke in a very calm manner, treading lightly.

"Oh, okay, what is it?" Lisa was even more confused now since the situation felt tense.

"They think you're weird." Jennie said calmly, trying to keep the situation as light as possible. But she was surprised because Lisa gave her an enraged look, while still asking calmly:

"What?" Lisa deadpanned.

"Yeah... When you were in the bathroom, they commented, and yeah..."

Lisa calmed herself down. She didn't want to flip or anything sudden. She was boiling, but still willing to ask her calmly:

"Okay, what did they say?"

Jennie then proceeded to tell Lisa about how Jessica did not like they way she spoke when they first met, about how silent she was during their conversations and how they felt weird about it. They also pointed how Lisa did not laugh at their jokes. 

Lisa was fuming.

Lisa breathed in heavily to calm herself down a bit, but this time the words just kept flowing out her mouth uncontrollably.

Lisa spoke about how she has nothing against Jessica, she seemed intelligent and Jennie likes her,but calling her a freak on their first meeting did not sit well with Lisa and getting offended after Lisa also joked about her. Lisa even had to apologize even though there was no need since it was a joke.

Jennie agreed that Jessica should not have done that. She tried to calm Lisa down, but Lisa would not budge.

Lisa told Jennie how rude her friends were on their first meeting, it's okay if you've known each other for a long time but poking fun to basically a stranger was rude. Lisa wanted to disregard that part as a joke but did not disregard the fact the Jessica did not accept her apology and acted all offended even if Lisa already apologized.

Jennie just nodded her head.

Lisa then explained why she was silent for the rest of the conversation, how they were only talking about work related stuff, and how they disregarded her opinion, how they completely ignored her interview story while she had to nod and smile and listen to their stories because they were Jennie's friends and she wants to get along with them.

Jennie was getting annoyed and asked why Lisa was yelling

Lisa explained that she was yelling because they called her weird when in fact, they have to work on their people skills. After calming down a bit Lisa proceeded to explain how she did not get their humor, how she felt weirded out and decided not to laugh at all.

Jennie sat next to Lisa, kissed her on the cheek, rubbing her back while asking her to give them time and that they are nice people and someday, will get along with her.

Lisa calmed down and kissed Jennie's cheek and promised  to give them a chance. They snuggled for a while. Jennie then commented on how Chaeng was not any better.

"You take that back!" Lisa spoke louder

"Well, she was weird to me when we met. She is still weird now."

Lisa then explained how Chaeng was weird when they first met but has become less now, how she likes Jennie for Lisa and thought that Jennie likes her too

"I do, I do... It's just that she can be weird sometimes. You know, sometimes she can just come up with these wild ideas-"

"She just likes to daydream. Also, she has a respected job now, so you know that she can take care of herself as well." Lisa defended Chaeyoung.

"Okay, okay, look at you taking her side..."

"I'm not taking her side, I'm just explaining." Lisa tried to calmly explain.

"Yeah, okay... Unbelievable." Jennie tried to end the conversation.

Lisa gave a warning to Jennie to not use the word "Unbelievable" a word she got from hanging out with Jessica, that it's annoying hearing the them overuse the word. 

"You can't make me  stop using a word, Lisa."

Lisa then explained that she doesn't need to stop, she will be annoyed but is willing to overcome it for Jennie's sake because she loves her. She just wants Jennie to use it less.

Jennie was annoyed, she then huffed, stood up and went straight to her bedroom. Lisa sat there confused. Well that's not a nice way to end a night. I'll have to fix this mess again.

Lisa entered Jennie's room carefully. Jennie was lying in her bed, under the covers, looking like she was trying to sleep.

"Jennie?"

"What do you want?" She spoke angrily.

"I want to talk."

"About what? Words? Or which words I can and cannot use?"

"I'm sorry"

Jennie jumped out of her bed and yelled that Lisa does not have the right to tell her which words she can and cannot use nor decide who she could hang out with.

Lisa stood there, scared. She didn't know what to say. She looked at Jennie with tears in her eyes.

"Oh, don't give me those teary eyes, I'm tired of it." Jennie spoke with disgust.

"I'm sorry" Lisa spoke softly, trying hard not to cry. With her voice cracking she told Jennie that she can like or dislike whoever she wants, she can use whichever words she wants as much as she wants. She did not told her to stop using a certain word, she definitely did not tell her who she could hang out with. Lisa apologized to Jennie and lowered her gaze to the floor.

She looked into Jennie's eyes and Jennie was still looking mad.

Lisa then broke down. She sat down on the floor in front of Jennie's room and silently wept. She closed her eyes tightly and she didn't want to open them. After a couple of seconds, she felt a touch on the top of her head. Jennie was trying to hold her and hug her.

"Please don't leave me! Please don't leave me!" Lisa cried out of her mouth, the words were barely recognizable. But Jennie understood what she meant.

"Shhh Shhh Calm down." Jennie was petting Lisa's head, holding her and kissing her cheeks. She spoke softly, trying to calm Lisa down.

"Shhh Shhh... I will not leave you."

"Ever?" Lisa tried to calm down but she was still crying. She knew that asking such question was childish, but she really needed some reassurance that she wasn't going to be alone. She really needed some boost to her low and diminishing self-esteem. Something, anything.

"Ever." Jennie spoke calmly, hugging Lisa tight.

After that, they silently went to Jennie's bed, without a word between them. Lisa was shaking while Jennie spooned her and tried to calm her down. After a while, Jennie fell asleep, while Lisa was still awake.

This isn't working. Our relationship isn't working. We fight, one of us cried or does something like this, we then make up, we say we're going to make it better, it gets somewhat better, and then... Lisa mused.

Should I break up with her? I mean... When I think about my previous relationships... Yeah, they didn't end well. I mean, technically, before Jennie, there was only the one relationship. But, that ended because the other person stopped having feelings for me. What if... What if Jennie stops having feelings for me? I mean... Lisa was scared from all the thinking, but she couldn't stop.

What if I'm unlovable? What if everyone who loves me can only love me for a couple of years before they stop loving me? You know, like an expiration date? Like... "Oh look, this relationship between Lisa and me is 2 or 4 or 6 years old... well, better drop her like hot garbage before it gets stale!" - What if everyone's going to be like that?

I mean, my previous relationship lasted 2 years. We told each other it was going to be forever. And we believed it. Like, we actually talked about a lot of things Jennie and I talked about - marriage, kids, a home... And then I went through the same thing with Jennie.

I don't want to leave her because I'm afraid of being alone. And I'm afraid that if someone else comes along, they will love me and then leave me again.

But I can't be in this type of relationship anymore. I don't know what to do.

Tomorrow, I'll call Chaeng and beg her to have a drink with me. I need a drink. Like a few of them. A night out maybe? Oh I hope Chaeyoung won't kill me for dragging her out on a weeknight. Lisa fought a  couple of more minutes with he thoughts before finally, she was able to sleep.