How To Love Someone

Closer [B2]

ohhh, finally got ideas. and we're getting warmer.

---

The night with Luke, Mark would have found this a heaven when he was a teenager, but now it was almost torture. Luke wanted everything to do with him; Mark wanted nothing to do with that kid. He wanted what every person on this planet did, the thing that they couldn't have for their own. It sickened him, that feeling, but he couldn't say anything to it for he once felt in such a way. That burning sensation in your chest, wrapping around your head and making you insane over such a horrible yet wonderful feeling, the thing everyone wished to feel and even more so to have that very feeling returned.

He sighed deeply, his eyes fixated on the ceiling as his thoughts zoomed through his mind, and Luke was on the other side of the bed, lying on his side facing away from Mark that was also another thing he was wondering about. He wanted to be so close, he wanted a relationship yet there he was, back turned towards the man he lusted for, something that wasn't normal in its own right and Mark knew that better than anyone...

"Mark." That voice leaked to him through the dark, he didn't say anything, simply waited to see what it was Luke was going to say, "Though it means nothing...I'm sorry." That last part was so quiet and if Mark wasn't so tired he wouldn't have doubted that this was indeed a dream. It was just best to ignore it, make it seem like he was asleep, if he wasn't already. Those words indeed did mean nothing, but Mark wanted to make them mean something.

Mark clutched to his t-shirt, feeling that heavy weight on his chest, like an anvil, it hurt so much. To think, he thought he had forgotten about all this shit. Guess not. He sighed again, "It doesn't matter Luke..." He muttered his eyes still focused on the ceiling and not the movement beside him, "What's done is done."

His arm slinked around Mark's waist and he swallowed, shifting and looking from the corner of his eye's to get a glimpse of Luke's face. Mark stared at those eyes, feeling that weight get heavier, his arm was crushing him. In those eyes, Mark didn't see anything he wanted, not love, not a spark of joy, but a deep burning. He was upset, his eyes were windows to his soul, the one he had once admired so, but now despised and wished to hide his face from. But he really wasn't any better than he was...If not just as bad or worse.

Unconsciously, Mark's fingers brushed his cheek, removing his long hair from his soft face. What had he seen in this? It confused him so, biting his lower lip, Luke's weight shifted, Mark leaned back as his breath brushed his lips, and they parted at the warmth.  Mark couldn't take it, couldn't be this close to him. Just now he wanted what he couldn't have, just as Mark had, he couldn't give him what he wouldn't give me...Was Mark really that unattainable though?

Their lips met, despite Mark's small action to prevent this, but he couldn't deny it, he was attracted to him...Ever since he was younger. Mark always loved him, from the day they feed bread to the ducks and to this day, even though Mark hated him so much...No it wasn't hate, he was simply angry. Angry he'd rejected Mark when he'd done so much for him. But he'd also done stuff for Mark, it...It didn't feel simple.

Luke pulled back, his arm getting tighter around Mark as he pressed himself closer, his face pressed to Mark's shoulder; he muttered nothing of importance, just nonsense Mark could barely hear. Probably babbling more and more about how he was sorry, but he'd already forgiven him, it didn't matter right now.

The following morning, Mark awoke and was a bit shocked at finding Luke here, then he remembered what had happened last night, his fingers brushed his lips, a frown soon came. Had he really done what he think he had done? If so, it was getting even worse, these feelings he'd kept pent up, had shoved away, they were welling back up again and there was nothing he could do about it. His fingers clutched the bed sheets, bunching them together.

Just go to work. Forget this.

He got up and quickly gathered up everything he needed, changing swiftly before exiting his house, he wouldn't look back, he just couldn't. Not at that face he was so angry at yet so madly in love with. Or so it was what he was thinking.

 ---

Luke awoke an hour or so later, glancing around his surroundings and instantly knowing where he was and what had happened the following night, but he didn't want to believe that he'd acted in such a manner. He breathed out, oh this was bad, Mark probably thought of him as some whore. Speaking of Mark, he wasn't here or so from what Luke could tell, the apartment was empty and all that greeted him was the silence. How he wanted to see his old friend's face greet him again. Just like how it was in high school.

"Stop chasing a fool's dream." He growled it would never be like it was in high school, never could they return to the days of innocence, they'd forever be like this...But why? Why couldn't they be...friends? Was it now because Luke wanted more?

There was no note, nothing as to where Mark was going and how long he would take, Luke quickly pulled on his jacket and took one last look around the place. Mark was safe here and he could leave, knowing that the person he cared for was going to be alright.

With a sigh and his head bowed, Luke pulled the door open to the apartment, taking a look back at this place. With a smile he said,

"Good bye Mark."