The Tipping Point (Kylo Ren X Reader)

Damage

It had been three weeks since you had seen Kylo Ren but it felt like an eternity. Every day was its own special kind of torture. You would wake up every morning and expect to see him beside you but you were only met with the cold, hard truth. Your brain would automatically look for his black swooshing cape as you walked the halls. But the fact had still remained, he was gone. He had left on a 'mission for Snoke' but you knew that was utter bullshit. No mission took three weeks to complete. Hux remained blissfully unaware of your affairs and as hard as it was to pretend that you were okay, you kept him out of the loop. You threw yourself into training with Phasma and doing Kylo's job and by the second week you slept on the floor or not at all. The bed was too big of a reminder for you. You realized with dismay that bags were forming under your eyes as you stared at yourself through the mirror in your bathroom. You would have to cover those up. You refused to look weak. You wouldn't even let yourself cry except occasionally at night. You couldn't afford to walk around the Finalizer with puffy and bloodshot eyes. You snapped yourself out of your daze and walked out of the bathroom. Isa sat at the kitchen table and you greeted her with a curt nod. She observed the deep blue and black coloring under your eyes and raised an eyebrow.

"When is the last time you slept?"

Her tone was that of a concerned mother and you wilted into the seat across from her. You placed your arms on the table and laid your head on them.

"I can't remember," you muttered.

"What's wrong Your Majesty? Why aren't you sleeping?"

You turned your face away from Isa, refusing to meet her eyes.

"Commander Ren has been gone a while... Does this have anything to do with that," she pressed.

You closed your eyes, trying unsuccessfully to keep his face out of your mind. You wondered if he thought of you as much as you thought of him. Your brain decided that he probably didn't. He doesn't care about you, your brain screamed.

"Do you remember that day I was in the hospital because I was poisoned?" Isa nodded solemnly. "Kylo blames himself. He thinks it is because I am too close to him. He- I don't know, broke up with me I guess? We are still married of course, but now it is nothing more than a political agreement."

"Do you think he will come back?"

"To the Finalizer? I'm sure he will. People would start talking if he didn't."

"No, Your Majesty, do you think he will come back to you?"

"Kylo Ren is not one to change his mind easily. I honestly don't know."

You realized as you spoke those words that you were no longer sad. You were angry. Angry that Kylo had run away like a coward. Angry that he didn't think you could fend for yourself. Angry at whoever had poisoned you.

"So does that mean we are going back to Malachor?"

You thought for a second. "I don't know yet Isa. It's definitely a big possibility but I will have to think about it."

"Well, I will leave you to your thoughts then." She stood and bowed before exiting your chambers.

You wondered if you should go back to Malachor. Part of you wanted to escape to your home planet more than anything. But the other part of you told you no. You couldn't run, not like Kylo. You were better than that. You would stay and you would show everyone who was truly in charge. You would find the person who poisoned you and you would give them the worst death imaginable. You stood and walked back into the bathroom. You covered your bags with layers of color corrector and concealer until they were no longer visible. You walked into your closet and stared at the vast selection of black dresses. Of course, they were all beautiful, but none of them felt right. It was like you were going to a funeral. As you dug through one dress caught your eye. It was a deep red and you grabbed it out of your closet eagerly. The dress was long-sleeved and the chest was cut into a deep v that met at your stomach. You slipped it on and observed the large slit running up your thigh. It was perfect. In that moment you decided you were done being sad, you were done letting Kylo Ren take up any space in your brain. You took every image, every memory of Kylo Ren, and built an indestructible wall around them, blocking them from the rest of your brain. You zipped up your dress and walked out of your chambers with your head held high, heels clicking menacingly against the tile. You didn't even know where you were going. You ached for some sort of revenge. Some way you could hurt Kylo as bad as he had hurt you. Your body froze as you laid your eyes on the perfect form of vengeance. Before your mind could stop you your body was already leading you towards vengeance.

"I need to speak with you privately, please."

"Of course, Your Majesty." She dismissed the troops standing around her and turned to face you. "Right this way."

She led you through the hangar and into a room filled with servers that spanned from the floor to the ceiling. She closed the door behind you and removed her helmet, placing it on a chair stationed in front of one of the massive servers.

"What is it," Phamsa spoke your name gently.

You decided it was best to be upfront with her. "I haven't been completely honest with you. Although, I'm sure you have probably pieced most of this together yourself. For you Commander Ren being gone this long is probably suspicious, right?"

She nodded then spoke timidly. "That day in the hospital after I left... I know it is none of my business but what happened?"

"He told me he couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't be with me because he thinks it puts me at risk of attacks and some other bullshit. And now he is somewhere in the galaxy hiding from his problems."

She rolled her eyes. "Men are so dumb. He's going to wake up one day and realize that he did the most stupid thing in the galaxy. I guarantee he will be back in your arms by the end of the week."

You shook your head. "I don't want him back. I don't think I will ever be able to forgive him." You paused plastering your best carefree expression onto your face. "He was just a distraction anyway."

Phasma raised her eyebrows. "I'm sure you just think that because you are angry. You don't really mean it." She crossed her arms and you echoed her movement.

You stared into her eyes with firm intention. "Yes I do," you said with chilling certainty.

You took a step towards Phasma and she backed into one of the servers anchored into the wall.

"Yes I do," you repeated confidently. "He means nothing to me. All we ever had was meaningless sex." Your voice had dropped an octave as you advanced towards her.

"Are you sure," she asked firmly.

You took another confidant step.

"Yes."

Her lips were on yours in an instant and you leaned into the armor covering her body. One of her hands was on your back and the other on your waist, and yours were traveling through her blonde hair. You kissed with a feverish desire and she responded by tracing her hand up your back and pulling your zipper down to your waist. Her gloved hands examined every inch of your back as you pushed your tongue past the part in her lips. She pulled your dress off your shoulders and your chest was exposed to her cool armor. Your legs ached for friction and you ground your hips against Phasma's leg.

She broke your kiss. "We can't. We can't do this," she breathed. "It doesn't matter that you don't love him, you are still married to him. And what we just did... if anyone found out- it's treason," she whispered."

You pulled away. "I'm so sorry I wasn't even thinking. I didn't mean to put you in any danger but please know, I would never betray you to Kylo." You zipped up your dress and smoothed it out. "You should probably leave first."

Phasma replaced her helmet on her head and marched out the door. You turned and leaned against a server as you slowly returned to a normal rate of breathing. You ran a hand over your hair, attempting to fix any fly-aways. Once you felt you were presentable you exited the room and strolled out of the hangar. Your heart pumped happily with newfound confidence. You sauntered down the hall towards the bridge and greeted Hux with a small nod.

He gave you a tight smile. "Oh good, you're here. Ren should be arriving very soon."

Your stomach suddenly twisted into knots and you knew Hux was only partially correct.

"He's already here," you muttered.