just smile (Oumasai)

Chapter 1

' I'm afraid if I don't smile, I'll cry.
and no one wants that,
right?'

I wake up to my alarm. Just another day in the killing game. I get up and walk to the bathroom, what's the point of it all? I thought. I open the bathroom cabinet, in there is a few razors (A/N: warning I guess? You read the warnings in the beginning so I won't give warnings in this)

I grab the first one I see. I smile at it as I roll up my sleeve, slowly. I begin slicing.

1 cut

2 cuts

3 cuts

Smile, smile, smile

I stop when I start feeling light-headed. I look at my arms with delight. On my arms are words. Smile, Liar, Rat, Disgusting, and many more slits.

I quickly clean myself up. Can't die yet, can we? It would take all the fun out of it. I thought.

Knock, knock

I roll down my sleeves and put on my smile. "Who is it?" I say happily. "It's Shuichi." I hear. "Coming my beloved~" I say. I quickly open my door and smile.

"Did you sleep through the announcement? It's breakfast."

"Oh I guess I did, huh. Ill go with you!"

"O-ok" he said

We walk together through the hall. I smile the whole way, I have to smile no matter what or else. The only person who knows that I'm suicidal is Rantaro.

People think I'm weird because I smile all the time. But people say smiling is contagious.
I guess mine isn't.

We walk into the lunchroom. As Shuichi gets into the lunch line I walk straight to a table.
"Aren't you going to eat?" He says. "No, I'm ok" I say still smiling.

"Ok..."

*Time skip to after school*

I walk back to my dorm, my face hurts from smiling. But I can't risk stopping.

As soon as I lock my door I run to my bathroom again, not smiling.

Why does everyone hate me?
Haha.

Why wouldn't they?
I'm horrible.
Disgusting.
Disgraceful.
Nothing.

Smile, smile, smile.

I grab my razor once again, this time I cut my legs.

1 cut

2 cuts

3 cuts

Smile, smile, smile

Once again many more cuts.

On my leg I draw a beautiful piece of art. This time blood starts gushing out.

I quickly grab some bandages and try to cure it.

I start to cry

Because I'm not smiling anymore

"This is why everyone hates you." I cough out, still sobbing

Knock knock

Shuichi walks himself into my room.

I quickly put everything up, roll my pants down, clean my face and smile.

Smile.

Smile!

SMILE!

A/N: I hope you liked this, I know it's kinda sad but I love a good cry before bed. I'll try to update a lot.