I mumble a simple thank you to the guy on the cashier as he handed me two cups of coffee, one for me and one for Yunho. It wasn't the typical car dates, I don't even know if it is considered as a date, with an overlooking view of the city, or the view of the sea. It was a cozy stay in the back of the wrangler with pulled up seats and laid out mattresses and pillows, parked on the second floor of this free parking lot with a view of the roof of this convenience store and gasoline station.
It was almost 2 in the morning, I walked back to the wrangler with two hot coffees on my hand; freshly bought on the convenience store. With Dahlia's energy due to her interrupted sleep, plus the nuggets and the sugar from the cupcakes Yunho set up for her birthday, we are up until this hour— or so I thought, seeing Dahlia resting her upper body on Yunho's sleeping state; cuddled and bundled with blankets, I sighed in relief.
I placed the coffee on the step as I sat on the edge of the car, their soft snores echoing on my back as I sip on my coffee; enjoying the view of the night sky, with posts and wirings from here and there, never knowing how a simple city like this can be so soothing.
"Penny for your thoughts?" His raspy voice whisper from my back as he tucked Dahlia back to her slumber. He crawled his way out and sat on the space beside me, "Is this mine?" He asked, grabbing the cup of coffee, that is luckily still warm.
"You must be tired." I looked at him, seeing his eyes twinkle along the stars. "You know I never got the chance to thank you for everything.." I trailed, looking away as he laid his eyes on me.
"Do you know the feeling of spending all of your energy yet still feel recharged? It is always like that when i'm with you both, and you are already welcome. This coffee is good enough for me." He shut his eyes and took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of coffee as the cold breeze of night embraced us.
"No, seriously, thank you.." I looked down on my cup, tapping my nails on it as I rests it on top of my knee.
"Something is bothering you, (y/n). You can always tell me, you know."
I took a deep breath and look back on the sky, "I miss her.." I trailed, "and I.. I wished she was here with us. Blowing candles, cuddling. Her giggles must be heavenly, just like her sister's. I'll dress her up, and feed her, and tuck her to bed, kiss her g-goodnight.. I.. I never get the chance to carry her, n-never get the chance to be a mother to her, you know.." I faked a laugh, covering how my voice breaks as I let the tears flow on my cheek.
The pain lingers and will probably stay. The moment I brought them to this world, I never heard a single cry from her. The voices of the nurses and doctors echoes in the room as they tried to keep her stable, with little to no heartbeat, she suffered the moment she was out in this world. No pain can match the pain I felt that moment. Seeing her turning into pale violet, not responsing, and only receiving an apology right before Dahlia almost gave up as well. I never got the chance to hold her little fingers, I just stared at her.. from a far.. exhausted until everything went black, and when I wake up, she was out of sight; all I see were white walls, all I hear was deafening silence, and since then, the pain is still in me; i am wounded deeply.
It haunts me every second. Seeing her in my dreams, with her smile, comforting me yet at the same time torturing me because I wish.. I wish I was there to fight with her, be her mother, help her grow..
"I can never imagine what was it like at those times, and I am mad on how I was not there.." He trailed, making me look at him as he look straight. He sighed. "It must have been tough, even until today.. but she must be proud of her mommy because look at you, and where you are right now. You have an angel by your side."
"I really do." I looked at him and mumble, almost inaudible; in awe of his presence.
The reflection of the light from the posts reflects on his eyes, his dimple when he smiles and his smile as is— is beyond just beautiful. It feels warm, and it warms me, everytime.
He gasped and looked at me, "Wait— are you flirting with me?"
"Oh ghad. Here you go again." I groaned and roll my eyes at him.
"This is why I don't like talking about serious stuff, seeing you become emotional feels like a torture. Here." He handed me a ring, casually, as if it's the easiest thing he can do. I remained silent, sitting there, in shock of the metal accessory on my palm. "Don't cry, i'm not asking you the million dollar question yet, but I wanted to assure you that you have me. Every sunrise, every sunset, and the moment in between those. I am here."
"Yunho.." I am confused, and shock. No words were formulated in my head as I stare at the ring on my hand. With my heart beating so fast, I felt my eyes became watery; with fear, with happiness, with amazement. I am drowning in emotions.
"I'm offering you a lifetime supply of myself, a partner. I'm offering Dahlia a lifetime supply of myself too, a father, a complete family. It might not be as grand as your dresses during every fashion week, this sort of proposal thing, I mean the venue, the timing, and i'm not even on the boyfriend stage yet here I am." He scratch the back of his head, chuckling. "And I am not even halfway to your level of success, but I promise to work hard to provide, be the man you needed and prove to you that you are not hard to love because if you are, why am I inlove with you all these years, right?" The side of his lips tug upward as he struggle to look straight into my eyes, his ears were visibly red, as well as his cheeks and all he do is tug his lower lip in between his teeth.
I slowly held his hand, about to speak when he held my hand with both of his; with the ring hidden on my palm, he smiled softly as he shook his head.
"No, i'm not ready to hear any rejection right now so just keep it.. no pressure.." He deeply breathe and let go of my hand, facing the night sky with a smile on his face. "It's a promise, from me to you, that I will take one step every day, patiently, until you are ready to meet me halfway."
