Until the sunset, I remained sitting inside his wrangler; staring at people passing by, letting the thoughts overflow, crumbling deep inside. Everything happened in just a matter of hours, but the aftermath is not as easy as how things come into ruins.
I slowly pulled over in front of my house to see all of the lights turned off. My mama must have put Dahlia to sleep. I tried my best to be as quiet as possible as I went inside, putting the car keys on the sofa beside my bag as I plop on it. Staring at the ceiling while i deeply breathe in and out, until I groaned when the lights suddenly flicker open— there goes my mama, wearing my pajamas.
"You're home!" She greeted me, walking closer until her facial expression changes. She sat beside me and gave my lap a gentle pat, "And you cried."
I avoided her gaze as I faked a yawn, "I didn't, i'm just sleepy—"
She faked a laugh and stared at the ceiling with me. "You can lie to anyone but never to your mama."
I sighed, letting my arms fall on my sides as I felt myself getting more tired every second. "You know how related me and Jongho's career, right? So we bump into each other here and then, but today is beyond just bump. It's like he ran me over with his car."
"Oh, that asshole. He's alive, huh? Can't say that i'm glad." My mama uttered, full of anger. As usual.
"Mama.." I turned to my side and faced her, "What's the first thing that comes in your mind when I told you I am marrying him?"
"Of course I am happy, but the fear is there, darling." She lifted her hand and caress her ring, the wrinkles on her eyes were more visible now as she smile. "Marriage is a big issue, but choosing someone you're marrying is a bigger issue. Seeing how Jongho look after you when you were dating, and how all smiles you were, you cant even shut your mouth about him, i can see how happy you are so i thought, i'm glad my daughter met someone who is the opposite of her father."
My dad is not the best one; from the way he talks and his choice of words, I grew up being mentally abused by him and i grew up seeing how bad he treats my mama yet all my mama show me is her smiles. She hide her thoughts and sufferings and just look after us. Giving him everything he needed, even her body, just to make him go home to us every night and just so he'll be in a great mood but he.. is one of the worse.
Seeing my mama by my side, every second that passes, I get more and more proud of having her as my mother. Heck, proud is an understatement with everything that she went through, just for us to grow up with a complete family— the most selfless woman I knew.
"And what's the first thing that pops in your head when I told you i'm divorcing him?"
"To be honest, I felt proud." She turned to my side and faces me, her hand is no longer soft with all her caring for us. She gave my hand a gentle squeeze as she laughed softly, shaking her head. "Because my daughter has the strength to save herself from further destruction. You chose not to stay and be treated less than you deserved, even if it will leave Dahlia without a father, you chose to just give her the world by yourself, instead of letting her see how her father sucks all her life." She tapped the back of my hand and deeply breathe, "And I feel sorry, not because you lost your husband, but because I stayed with your father. Letting you grow up with an unhealthy environment, thinking it was better than incomplete family. His words, his actions yet I stayed hoping he will still change because i thought i could save it but you, on the other hand, chose to save you and your child."
I smiled at her as I felt a tear roll down my cheek, and just think how much my mother went through but seeing her now; her white hairs were peaking, her skin is all wrinkly, but her eyes and her smile seems better. It felt more genuine, like she can finally breathe. She let go of my hand and tap her chest, opening her arms for me and when I crawl into her chest; right then and there, I broke down.
She held my broken pieces together. She never stopped rubbing my back nor stop playing with my hair as she hum me to sleep and the morning after, I woke up on the couch; bundled with blankets, hearing and smelling the food she is preparing. I went to the kitchen, sat on one of the chairs and hugged my knees. Struggling to keep my eyes open.
"Sleepy head. I remember you sitting like that on the stairs as I cook you your favorite, sadly, you have no corned beef on your stock so bare with some pork and beans. I toasted your bread already. Just how you liked it." She grinned, placing the pork and beans on the plate and gave my forehead a soft kiss before she sits beside me; sipping on her coffee.
I grinned at her and rip a piece of my toasted bread, dipping it in pork and beans before stuffing my mouth with it. "Thank you mama." I mumble, quite inaudible while i munch my food. I miss this.. being babied, being a child.
"Why dont you take a break?" She asked out of the blue, watching me eat.
I raised my eyebrow and turned to face her, "What?"
She shrugged her shoulders, "You let me visit such places for me to unwind. You always advice me to breathe, yet here you are, suffocated."
"Dahlia—"
She shook her head and pointed at herself, "Is going to be alright because I'll be here. Even just a week, or so, (Y/n). Breathe, celebrate your pain and sadness, grieve if you want, give yourself the time you need to feel it all and gather yourself up. The time you forgot to give yourself because you are raising your child on your own, looking after me, and pursuing your dreams while you work. All at once. You didn't get the chance to move on, you just take one step after the other, moving forward yet stuck at the same place."
I took her coffee and sipped on it, "I don't like traveling that much.. and i have work, mama."
She rolled her eyes and take her coffee back, "Do something for yourself, without worrying about others. Be selfish, for once, or else, you'll be the one who will ruin yourself." She glanced at my little one walking sleepily towards us, eyes were half closed as she held her puppy plushie on her arms. "Oh, right, I almost forgot. Yunho dropped by yesterday, we had dinner together. I sometimes think he is my child, and not you."
I stopped chewing my food for a while, let go of my toast as I blink a couple of times. I cleared my throat and faced Dahlia as she reaches her arms for me to pick her up. "Oh.." I whisper, and that's all that comes out of my mouth.
"By the look on your face, I think you should also go and visit him." She stood up and went to the fridge, "And (y/n), return his car. That man struggled to book an uber for him to go home because he insisted not to stay for the night, and he is bruised."
