There are some things that come easily to me, take for example lying
I lie all the time, I lie how I'm perfectly fine when I'm clearly not
But no one wants to know that, they don't want to hear you bitching
Because to them, you have everything to be grateful for
You don't deserve to be sad, or to cry or to break down
They tell me that I need to be okay...like it's a choice to be okay
And I try, I try so hard to be what people expect of me
I try not to be a burden to anyone, so what do I do?
I hide, play a character that everyone is familiar with
A girl who smiles in front of everyone, she laughs
When she needs to, she's there if you ask her to,
She'll be your go-to person for affirmations and advice.
But don't be fooled by that facade,
because what you see is a totally different story
when the doors of her bedroom are close
You instead see a girl who's broken and scarred
She's having a hard time fighting, everything doesn't make sense anymore
She's tired, exhausted and though she hates to admit it...she's depressed.
She doesn't have the will to keep going, to push through...she just wants to be done.
She wants to be done with all the pain and hurt she had to endure.
She's tired of having to be okay when she's not
SHe's tired of choosing to be okay when all she wants to do is cry her heart out
Each day is getting harder, knowing that it doesn't get better
And though she may be surrounded with amazing people
It all gets too much at some point
Because that girl is me...I am that girl who tries to be okay. They say that I have to be okay but it's not easy as it sounds. I'm not okay, because I don't know why the fuck I'm still sad. I'm constantly met with overwhelming sadness and darkness I try to suppress. This is all gets too much for her and sometimes she just wants to fucking die.
YOU ARE READING
a collection of everything & anything.
Poeziemy feelings. "to all the people who made me feel this type of way; without you this won't have come to life."
