Loving Secrets: An Ashton Irwin Fanfiction

Chapter 13

I jump from my seat and rush to the backroom door.

"What are you doing?" Ashton asks me. I freeze in my tracks.

"Oh nothing I...was..just...I was going to the backroom but I decided not to." I whisper.

He looks at me confused but he just smiles. "Why are you whispering?" he asks, mimicking my whisper.

"Because I like to whisper." I say, still whispering. The truth was I was whispering because I didn't want Calum and Luke to know I was listening in on their conversation.

"Okay well uuhhh..." he giggles, "Michael and I are going to eat some lunch in the kitchen do you want to join us?" he asks.

"No I'm not very hungry, I just ate. I'm just gonna relax for a few minutes." I say leaning up and kissing him. He kisses me back and walks off to the kitchen. I lean my body against the back door and listen in to Luke and Calum's conversation.

"Luke calm down. what's wrong?" I hear Calum say along with a couple of sniffs from Luke.

"I just feel like such an idiot!" I hear Luke say loudly.

"Why? You have to tell someone Luke. I hate seeing you so not yourself."

There are a few moments of silence before Luke begins to talk. I hear him choke on his tears with every word. "I just wanted to see Ashton happy. But I didn't know it would hurt like this." Luke says. He pauses and continues. "I saw her in the crowd. I saw her looking at me. And she was so gorgeous and beautiful. And..." Luke pauses again and after a bit continues. "And I thought I could find a way to talk to her. After the show I saw her leaving the arena, somewhat confused, in the lot. I was nervous but somehow this girl I'd never met before made me smile and I wanted to go for it. But... But then I heard Ashton." he says.

"You heard Ashton what?" Calum asks with concern in his voice.

"I heard him talking to Michael about her. I listened in on them talking and... I don't know, suddenly the idea of being with her made me feel guilty. The thought of getting to know her made me feel selfish as if I was going to take away happiness from Ashton and I didn't want that. I felt like seeing his happiness amounted over my own and that everything would be okay in the end." Luke says. I felt my heart sink. I don't know what to feel.

"Lu-" Calum begins but Luke cuts him off.

"It was fine at first. They weren't serious. How could I've imagined they'd end up here getting physical and saying I love you and me being this awful person. I made the mistake of letting myself fall in love with her as he did. I-" I hear Luke choke on his failed attempts to hide the fact that he's crying. "It just hurts. It hurts to love her." Then all I hear is crying. Oh god.

"Luke you have to tell Dani." Calum says. A bit to late for that Calum.

"No. I can't! I can't! Don't you see Calum! My happiness doesn't matter! What matters is them!" he shouts as if he was stating a fact. "It hurts but it's-" 

"Luke you have to stop putting others ahead of yourself." Calum says.

I fall down to my knees and  feel pain in my chest. I did this. I'm making him feel like this.

"Nothing I do will fix anything. I just have to love her in silence." Luke says.

"I promise I won't tell anyone. Just know I'm on your side Luke." Calum says as I hear footsteps coming towards the door. I quickly jump onto the bunk next to me and pretend to look occupied. Calum looks at me with frustration in his eyes. Not like he was mad at me, he's just mad about the situation I assume... right?