Loving Secrets: An Ashton Irwin Fanfiction

Chapter 22

 ***Later that night***

Ashton turns off the light to the room and we both lay down next to each other. My back faces him and he wraps his arm around me as he lays face up on the bed. I cuddle my way into his arm trying to keep my body a fair distance from his because I still felt unsure but I wanted to feel his warmth and the strength of his body. I lay there in bed for what seems like forever and I think about what happened tonight and the way it felt to kiss him again. That kiss felt so right but so wrong at the same time, all these feelings I feel are confusing me. I didn’t want to feel confused anymore. I feel Ashton shuffle around a bit and I wondered if he was awake or not.

“Ash? Are you asleep?” I whisper as I turn around and face him. I see his eyes open and he only looks at me.

“I’m having trouble sleeping remember” Ashton says expressionless.

“I can’t sleep either.” I say. He takes his hand and pushes the hair from my face and moves his arm from underneath me and props himself up against the headboard.

“Maybe we can go do something.” Ashton says. I sit up as well.

“Where would we possibly go Ash? It’s 1 A.M.” I say looking down at my hands.

“I don’t know I’m just tired of being stuck in one place after the other.” Ashton says softly. I take a deep breath in and I get up off the bed. I go into the closet and put on a pair of jeans and I leave the shirt I am wearing on.

“What are you doing?” Ashton asks. I peak my head out of the closet and I see him standing there.

“I’m getting ready to go.” I say. Ashton comes into the closest and stands beside you.

“Where do you wanna go?” he asks reaching for a pair of skinny jeans and a band shirt.

“Let’s get something to eat.” I say and he turns around and stares at me.

“It’s 1 A.M. and you want to eat?” he asks confused.

“I’m starving. I haven’t eaten much in a few days. You lack sleep, I lack eating.” I say walking out of the closet to let him get changed on his own. After a few minutes he comes out and his hair is still messy from laying in bed, the good kind of messy though, the kind that seems to be tousled just right. His wounds have started to fade but I still imagined them. I looked into his hazel eyes, the eyes that were once always filled with joy and shine, and I see emptiness and longing. I wondered what he saw when he looked into my eyes. Did he see the way I imagined being close to him again? Did he see the same emptiness I saw in his? Did he see the words I love you, the words I've been longing to say, scattering across my mind?

“Are you ready ba-” he stops. “Are you ready to go?”  he says rubbing his shoulders with his neck. I give him a half hearted smile and he sticks out his hand but I don’t take it.

“Yeah let’s go”. I say walking towards the door.

“Well then.” I hear him say behind me. We both step quietly through the hall trying not to wake up the other guys. I click the elevator button and it is taking quite a while since there were alot of fans staying at the hotel for the concert, staying up all night probably due to excitement, and people were staying in town for Mardi Gras, and they were up late partying most likely.

“Where are you guys going?” I hear someone say behind us. I turn around and see Luke rubbing his eyes.

“We’re getting something to eat. Where are you going?” Ashton asks.

“Getting something to eat at 1 A.M.? I was going to get some ice from the ice machine, I have a headache.” Luke explains.

“I need to get out of an enclosed area, and Ashton couldn’t sleep.” I say back. Luke looks both of us up and down and gives Ashton an icy look.