Only a Memory

Chapter Eight

TW// mentions of su*c*de

||3 days later||

Throughout the last 3 days, Nat and I were going out to lunch together and laughing a lot. Based on how we were acting you wouldn't know that we didn't see each other for 4 years. The first night we sat out by the fire, just the two of us, on opposite sides. We talked for hours and when there was silence I couldn't help but stare at her. The orange glow of the fire with her red hair was breathtaking. We both had blankets and a few s'mores. The second night we sat by the fire again but this time we were sitting together. For the first few minutes, we weren't cuddling but then Nat started getting tired. I saw her head bobbing so I put my arm around her. Then she put her legs perpendicular to mine and scooted closer, her forehead was touching my neck. I knew that she would fall asleep so I rubbed her arm with my fingers until I felt her head get heavy. After a few minutes, I picked her up bridal style and put her in her bed. As she rolled over I put the covers over her and kissed her forehead. Just before shutting the door I whispered I love you. I didn't think she would hear my but it still felt good to get out.

Tonight though, I was finally taking her out on a real date. I was very nervous but excited too. We decided on 6 pm and it was about that time.

"Hey"

"Hey"

"Ready?"

"Yup"

She looked beautiful, every part of her was perfect. We got in the car and I immediately held my hand out for her.

"You remembered"

"Of course I did"

Nat has no idea where we are going but I promised her it would be special.

"Ah. Steve are we going to the lake?"

"We sure are" my eyes were on the road but I could feel her staring at me and smiling "what?"

"You"

"What about me?"

"You are back in my life, all of this feels like our first date, I mean it is. Our first date part two"

"I'm glad that you are back in my life as well"

When we got to the lake we did our usual routine, park, walk to the bench and watch the sunset. We were sitting next to each other holding hands until I realized that she was getting cold. I had her move to be in my lap.

"It's getting dark, should we head back?"

"Sure"

After we arrived back at her house we went around to the backyard.

"Thank you for tonight Steve, it was amazing"

"Anytime. Since Bucky and Yelena are still up would you want to do something?"

I don't really remember how it happened but next thing I know we were up in her room, on her bed making out. Things were getting intense and clothes started coming off. I wasn't planning on having sex with her, just intense making out I guess. As I started to take off her underwear I noticed a scar a few inches below her waist.

"Hey Nat"

"Hm..."

"What is this scar from?" she looked nervous and almost star struck by the question.

"Um... that scar is.. is-"

"Is...?"

"There is something that I need to tell you" we sat up and put some of our clothes back on, her eyes started to become glassy and watery. Then she started to explain.

"Well- short answer is... that it's from a c-section- my c-section"

"... c-section, like.. giving birth to a baby?"

"..yes"

"....what"

"I found out I was pregnant after I left"

"So I have a kid?"

"Yes..." Hearing that made me upset and something in me made me get up and start walking away "Steve- no, stop- please" I continued down the hallway and then the stairs while Nat was outside her room sobbing on the floor "Steve- please, don't go, please" she could barely talk from the crying "I ruined everything- again" the next thing she said made me stop dead in my tracks "I should have killed my-self" she was screaming and crying.

I turned around, went back up the stairs and grabbed her, holding her in my arms. The crying and loud sobs did not stop, she was talking but the crying turned the words into gibberish. None of this mattered.

This continued for 10 minutes, each minute the crying got softer and quieter.

"Steve, you deserve the whole truth"

"You can tell me whenever you are ready"

"No, you deserve it right now. A week after I left I found out I was pregnant, Yel came to be there for me and help, I never call you because I figured you wouldn't want to hear from me. And so I raised her, Sarah, by myself with Yel"

"I would have always accepted your call. But Nat... when were you going to kill yourself?" she started crying again so I held her hand.

"On our anniversary"

"A few days ago?" she shook her head yes while tears streamed down her face. I used my fingers to wipe them away.

"I was. Until you showed up"

Thank god I showed up. She continued to cry so I pulled her back into a long tight hug. We sat there for some more time until I could tell Nat was getting tired.

"Bed time?"

"Steve, will you sleep with me?"

"Of course"

With that we both got off the floor and we went into her room, she also texted Yelena to tell her that I was staying here. Nat went into the bathroom to change into pajamas while I stripped down to my underwear. She came out and we both got comfortable under the covers. She started off to the side of me but slowly moved on top of me, I wrapped my arms around her and started rubbing her back.

"Tomorrow you will meet her"

"If that's what you want"

"I do. And- I know I left you but, please don't ever leave me"

"I don't ever want to leave you" I felt her breathing starting to slow and her body get heavier.

"St..eve...e"

"Hm?"

"I love.. you" music to my ears.

"I love you too Romanoff"

A few minutes later I also fell asleep. Tonight... fun- but also stressful.