Trapped in Active Depart // Billie Joe

[1] I jinxed it

I stirred the spoon in my cup of coffee for a little longer as the music played from the living room. The music that was controlled by my friend who was in the living room, Sam.

"Are you nearly done making your coffee?" She shouted from the other room waiting for me so we could carry on playing our game of Jenga.

I rolled my eyes laughing slightly before answering her. "I'm nearly done. Just wait a second."

She groaned but continued to wait as I hummed along to the end of the song that was playing still sitting the teaspoon around the cup. The song died out before another came on.

And I didn't even have to listen to the first few words of the song to know it was his.

"Turn it off!" I shouted quickly as I dropped the spoon and ran into the living room.

Sam jumped up off the floor grabbing the remote. "I am! I am!" She repeated. On the TV there he was. Even his face made my stomach uneasy and knot up. It's been so many years since we broke up and yet I still get hurt when I see him, why?

She finally flicked it off to another Channel as I sighed.

"I didn't realise that had come on." she apologised as she sat back down on the floor in front of the Jenga tower. I gave her a little smile to say it was okay before collecting my cup of coffee from the kitchen.

I had basically been sleep deprived for a while now. I seem to be really behind on how much sleep I've been getting, so coffee is definitely a strong number two on the best friends list right now. Obviously after Sam.

I placed the cup down on the coffee table before sitting down on the floor across from her on the other side of the Jenga tower.

"It's your turn by the way," she added.

I shook my head trying not to zone out. "It is?" I asked. She nodded before I blinked a few times and took out another block from the stack.

"Are you alright?" She asked me as she did the same.

"Alright as I'll ever be when I see him,"

"Do you think you'll ever get over him?"

"It's not that easy Sam," I breathed out.

"But everyone gets over ex's,"

"I know that, but there's something about him that something in me can't let me fully get over," I admitted as we took it in turns to take the blocks out the tower. "And I hate myself all the more for that because I should hate him. And instead, I just throw myself a new pity party every time his band appears,"

The tower began to become wobbly with the missing support in obvious places it needed.

"So it still matters?" She asked me as she paused and looked up at me.

"No, that's not what I mean I-"

"-But if it still hurts. It still matters,"

I paused. Biting my lip and looking down at the tower. Maybe that was why it still hurt to see him. "Just carry on with the game I don't wanna talk about Billie anymore,"

She huffed annoyed before pulling an obviously bad choice of brick out the tower as it crashed onto the floor.

"You purposely did that," I said annoyed crossing my arms.

"Well sometimes," she began in the same tone of voice I had used with her. "When you don't think about how to avoid breaking down and talking about what you're gonna do, things tend to go to shit." She pushed herself off of the ground and walked out the room into the kitchen.