Trapped in Active Depart // Billie Joe

[3] I made a mistake

I called sam over not long ago, she should be on her way now. I lived alone and we had The day from the studio off. And I had made a big mistake. The thing I promised myself I would never do again... I did.

I heard her as she walked in through the front door. "I'm here!" She announced through the house as it echoed shutting it the front door.

"I'm in the living room," I sniffed.

She walked into the room and looked around and then at me before running over and hugging me tightly. Her arms wrapped securely around my shaking frame. "Why are you crying?"

I sniffled for a moment whilst I hugged her back. "I-I-I made a mistake,"

"What's that?" She gently asked as she pulled away with her hands on my shoulders, her blue eyes staring at me worriedly.

"Earlier on- I- I was thinking about what you S-said in the studio and- I- I decided to listen to his old songs and I remembered all the memories with him and I don't mean the b-b-b-bad ones this time," I hyperventilated like a child.

She stuck out her bottom lip and Knitted her eyebrows. "Awww," she sighed pulling me back into a hug as I lost it again and started to cry into her chest.

"I thought that I was struggling to get over the situ-situation," I stammered still crying. "But now that he's back in my life- I think I've been struggling to get over him,"

"But it's been so long?" She asked pulling away and pulling her sleeve down and wiping the tears off my face.

"I know- and- and I thought that because I avoided seeing his face and hearing his voice I was just stuck on the situation. Bu-but now I have no choice to see and- h-h-hear him and I remembered every single moment we had together and-"

She cut me off as she hugged me once again and my desperate attempt to speak turned into loud and pathetic sobs.

I know that it may seem like Billie was an absolutely shit boyfriend because of how hurt I've Been. But he wasn't.

He tried his hardest with me. And sometimes he made slip-ups and sometimes he had mistakes. Sometimes he said the wrong things and sometimes he got frustrated.

He always tried his hardest. And he always made me happy as he could.

But there was a reason behind all the anger and hurt. Because he did fuck me over, as much as he did all those things.

"That's okay," she whispered to me. "You listened to his music. That's understandable. You made a slip-up and that's okay,"

"But I feel pathetic,"

She pulled me away almost instantly and a little harshly. "What? Why!"

"Because I'm sat here. Crying to you because I listened to one of his old songs he use to sing for me. And I bet he's fine. He got over it because he had things to get on with. He had a whole life of fame he went on for and he's moving on to other things. He's over everything that ever happened between the two of us and he only came back in my life because he wanted a new album recording,"

"You really think that?"

"Yes. I do, he's Billie Joe. He doesn't care,"

"Harmony as much as that boy fucked up he loved you with everything in him. And you need to remember that he fucked up because he was helping you. But you were and still are blind to that."

"He did not help me, Sam, he fucked me over that wasn't helping me!"

"He did it with the intentions of helping you. You weren't in a good state of mind back then, and maybe he didn't realise how strongly you felt for him to be this upset about it. But I know he did it to try and help. Although it was a bad decision, he never meant to hurt you."