Trapped in Active Depart // Billie Joe

[4] Deal,

"Like this?" I asked Billie as I pressed play on the recordings we had so far. He sat beside me in what normally is Sam's chair. But currently, it was just Billie and me in the studio.

I may have been the only one to understand that my heart was racing and my hands were shaking from the nervousness of being so close to him. I hadn't been this close since we dated. When he would normally hug me, sling an arm around me or cuddle up beside me. But right now I was focusing on my job. Or trying to. And I think he was Only focusing on the music playing.

The music recording stops as he nodded taking off the headphones and so did I. "Exactly what I meant," he smiled.

"Okay awesome,"

Silence fell between the two of us. The tension between his body and mind felt as if it was burning my left side where he was sat beside me.

We both dodged looking at each other. I think he felt the awkwardness too. And to think it never use to always be like this. To think from my past point of view that it would one day become like this.

"It's not just me who feels it," Billie finally spoke up as he turned to look at me. "Is it?"

Being so close to him made me uneasy. I wasn't scared of him. I was more nervous than anything.

"Feels what?" I asked him a little confused as I raised an eyebrow.

"Well y'know..." He paused as he tried to search for the right word. "...the tension."

"Yeah... I feel it,"

"So there is tension!" He quickly said snapping his fingers. He normally did that when he realized or found something out. I guess got some reason my brain decided to remember that even after all these years.

"Well... yeah, you did just sorta leave me out the blue while I was recovering," I stayed annoyed. I looked away from him as I continued to mess around with the settings and options on the computer.

He sighed loudly as from the corner of my eye I saw him throw his head back.

"What?" I asked blankly not looking away from the screen in front of my face.

"You make it sound meaner than it was," he breathed out as he looked at the computer screen too.

"Billie," I said blankly said looking over to him. He quickly snapped his eyes away from the screen and at mine. "It was a mean thing to do."

"But I didn't do it to be mean, I did it to help you,"

"How was breaking up with me while I'm in the hospital recovering from nearly dying helping me!?"

He took a second. "I didn't think it through."

"No," I shook my head. "You never do," and with that, I turned back to the computer.

He carried on talking as I tried to not listen. But I couldn't help but listen. "I never meant to hurt you. I know I did hurt you. I know I crushed you. But that was never my intentions at all so why would it be then?"

I could tell he was begging to get a little aggregated with me. And honestly, I was beginning to feel the same towards him. Making the tension worse.

"Well, you did. Billie, I was in the hospital feeling drained from loss of blood and I had no one else but you and you left me. I recovered in the hospital alone and the only time's anyone was there for me was a fucking nurse. And then when Sam came back from holiday I told her everything. But she couldn't be there for me when she was in another country."

I finally turned to look at him as he looked at me. "I know it was a bad choice but it wasn't supposed to make you worse, I wanted to make you better and I knew you were already angry with me about calling the ambulance and telling them about your dad," he strained desperately. His eyes seemed tired, maybe he hasn't gotten much sleep.