Finding My Normal

Chapter 15

I watched the city lights fly past my window while Jah drove us to the cemetery. It was late as hell, but I needed this. I needed to be near them. Trevor was sitting in the back seat, silently scrolling through his phone. The soft sounds of piano and saxophone floated through the car as I allowed my mind to race. Images of my grandmother and I at her favorite museum floated through my mind and I remembered how she used to laugh at my corny jokes. I remembered how she used to braid my hair when I didn't want to do it. I remembered how she would drag me to church and get so lost in the word she didn't realize how loud her voice was carrying over the choir.

Memories invaded my mind and before I knew it, we were there. Trevor walked me to her grave and sat down next to me. Jah was standing close behind us but he didn't want to intrude too much. My eyes trailed slowly over the slab of stone that identified her symbolic resting place. Here lies a loved daughter, mother, grandmother, friend. Bertha Mae Pollock. Forever in our hearts.

"She would have hated to see this. But I know she would have loved to know she was next to mom." I whispered.

Even though my grandmother was adamant about not having her body buried on this Earth, we still buried some of her remains. My father said he wouldn't have felt right not having some way to connect with his mother. I hated his logic, but now I saw the value in it. I needed to have somewhere to go to talk to her, to remind her that I was still here with love for her in my heart forever.

My father had buried a small urn with some of her ashes next to the very place my own mother was buried. Their bodies lying next to each other forever, bonded by their love for my father and me.

"You know, Grandma, I never thought I would ever have to talk to you like this. In a place full of others waiting for their loved ones to come and talk to them, but look at us now." I sighed sadly. "I miss you so much. I miss how you used to smack Daddy on the back of the head when he would tease me about having a big forehead. You would always tell him the only reason he didn't have a forehead like mine was because his brain never grew."

"You used to pack me the best lunches. No matter how old I had gotten, you'd always pack something for me to take with me. You made sure I was good. From the moment that Mom had me, you were there. I've never known life without you and now I'm being dragged through it, Grandma. I just wanted more time. I wanted to take you on trips and meet hot foreign men." A choked laugh left my lips and I cried for a bit before reaching out to touch the stone that told everyone her life story. "You were my best friend. You may not have been Mom, but I would have never complained. You never let me feel her absence for too long. Even if it meant you had to do more for me when nobody was looking."

I played with my fingers. "I should have been there. I should have stayed home. I should have been there doing my hair like you asked. I could have saved you. You would still be here. Maybe. But this is all Dad's fault. He did something really dumb, and I don't know how to forgive him, Grandma. I don't know how to feel okay with this pain. He took you and Mom from me, and he knew the consequences of his actions!"

Trevor wrapped his arms around me as I cried into his arms. It felt like my entire world was crumbling around me and the only thing I felt was a blinding rage. I wanted to make someone hurt as much as I was in that very moment. I wanted to make Mr. T hurt for telling me the way he did. I wanted to hurt the person who killed my Grandmother. I wanted to rip them limb from limb. I had even wanted to hurt my father. And at once a plan was coming together in my mind. I moved towards my mother's headstone and spoke as low as I could.

"You are my angel. My world. I couldn't save you then, but I will make sure this is the end. Nobody else will get hurt. I will fix this, Mommy. That's my word."

I took a deep breath before standing up and walking over to Jah.

"You okay, beautiful?" he asked, rubbing his hands up and down my bare arms.

"Yeah. I'm good," I smiled. "but I need your help. I wanna handle the men who killed them."

A/N: This one's a bit shorter than usual cause I was emotional as heck writing it. But these next chapters are about to be a while ride.

What do you think Ki is gonna do? Do you think the boys are gonna let her? What about her father??