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- ˏˋ Leave me, déjà vu ˊˎ - .......✦........
Warning: Suicide (overdose/self harm)
San closed the door silently behind him, his hand staying on the door handle for a moment while letting out a deep breath. He couldn't help but think about how much easier it would have been if he could have just decided to stop breathing right now and for his heart to just stop beating, but then again, living was never easy so why would dying be any different? He had been quick when looking through the cabinets in his workroom, taking out multiple containers of various pills and a razor blade. He has stashed it away, knowing Wooyoung has hidden his own away from him. After all he isn't stupid...just a little naive, or hopeful might be a better word.
He wanted to inflict as much pain onto himself before sealing the deal with pills, not wanting to risk not bleeding out fast enough. All of the pain he was to endure would be his way of paying for all the unnecessary struggles and stress he's put others through, specifically Wooyoung. The world around him had passed by him in slow motion as he filled the bathtub with ice cold water, carefully getting rid of everything except for his hoodie and boxers. He hadn't even hesitated on getting into the cold water, the coldness of the liquid biting harshly at his skin as he had let himself get soaked in it.
He could feel his fingers sting from the cold temperature as he sat in the water until his legs felt numb. In the end he had turned off the tap before he leaned back, his body sliding down long enough to only leave his head over the water. His lips were trembling but he couldn't care less, laying there just letting the cold tear through him.
He had carefully reached for the razor, the metal piece shining weakly in the dim light of the bathroom. San could feel his adrenaline blast through the roof as he held the blade to his wrist, ready to feel pain shoot through him like a bullet.
That was almost half an hour ago, by now the water he was sitting in is stained a soft pastel red from the blood that has trickled it's way from his wrists and into the water, and flooded out from his poor thighs. A million thoughts were running through his head at around a million miles an hour. Somewhere in between those thoughts a memory of him and his friends on a warm summer day a while back popped up, making him smile slightly.
"Hey San, are you coming!?" Mingi had called out to him as he sat by the beach, watching the others pass a ball between each other while bathing in the ocean. He wanted to watch the others, feeling like he would just ruin the mood if he joined them. San shook his head, making the taller boy frown before eventually turning around to the others. With that, the black haired boy had leaned back, his head laying down with closed eyes on his towel as he tried to relax in the hot summer air.Or at least, that was what he planned before he could feel himself being lifted off the ground and carried away. He looked up at his groups of friends all laughing maliciously down at him, sounding like excited teenagers. At one point they stopped and started swaying San's body back and fourth, the water already making him wet. "Guys don't do this, I'm sorry for not joinin-" and with that they threw San into the water, laughing as their friend made the water splash everywhere.
San hadn't noticed that he had been crying thinking about the others. The tears falling quietly down his cheeks before falling into the water with a silent tap. He sniffed quietly, the small sound echoing off the walls. 'Maybe it's time to rest' he thought, reaching over the age of the bathtub to pick up one of the different pill bottles, specifically an unopened bottle of sleeping pills. He removed the cap before pouring some pills into his shaky hand, some falling into the bathtub and without any hesitation, he poured them into his mouth, the pills scratching his throat.
Soon enough he had downed an entire bottle, laying it down beside the bathtub again before leaning back again, sliding down so only his nose and eyes were over water. Then he waited. This time his thoughts were completely silent, no pain, no memories, no voices yelling at him, just complete silence. He could feel his body going numb as his eyelids started to feel heavy, hearing something echoing in his ear.
"San?"
He tried to keep his eyes open for a little longer, hearing the echo of his name yet again. He tried to recognize the voice, trying to picture a face that could belong to the echoes, but before he could he slipped under the water, his world going black around him.
𓆡𓆝𓆞𓆜𓆛
Wooyoung has never been a careless driver, always following the rules no matter what, but today, he is sure he's probably gonna get in trouble for his reckless driving. He didn't care however, all he cared about was getting home, getting to San before anything could happen to him. Once he pulled up to their house he jumped out of the car, not bothering to lock or turn of the engine before running up to their front door.
Once he opened the door he immediately hated the silence he was met with, the house seeming to clean and peaceful for his liking. Usually he could always see some used glasses, plates or just dishes in general on their kitchen counter or on the living room table, but today non of those were there. The heavy and gloomy aura that has been hanging over this very house is for some reason even heavier, almost to the point where Wooyoung found it difficult to move or breathe in the stuffed air.
He moved along, bursting into San's work room, calling out San's name, only to find the room empty. He then ran over to their bedroom, ripping the duvet and blankets off the bed, once again there was no San. He then walked over to the bathroom, turning the handle. He took a deep breath as he opened the door, his eyes going wide at the sight that met him. He let out a loud gut wrenching scream, his body completely frozen in shock. He stumbled forward, landing on his knees beside the bathtub.
He didn't wanna believe what he was seeing, his hands coming out to touch one of San's ice cold cheeks. "Sannie? Are you there?" He asked, his voice quivering as his eyes started tearing. He didn't expect an answer. The silence around him felt like it was clinging onto his skin like the claws of an angry wolf, biting into his body with big fangs. He slowly took out his phone, shaking as he dialed the emergency number. "This is 119 what is your emergency?"
Wooyoung bit back a sob and took a deep breath, his other hand never leaving San's cheek. He looked to his right, seeing the various pills sat out beside him, "My boyfriend...he is trying to commit suicide, he overdosed and I just need an ambulance or someone to come save him I-" Wooyoung was desperate, he didn't know what to do, what to think or say. He never thought or, he hoped that this would never happen, that it would stay a scenario created by his worst nightmares. "I'm gonna need you to clam down sir, where's your address? I'm sending an ambulance out to you as we speak".
Wooyoung let out a loud sob. There was no way the ambulance is gonna get here in time. He's gonna lose San, he failed to save him from his own demons. He failed him.
