·Light the Way·

Sorry.. but pls don't be mad at me..

So guys..

Idk if I've mentioned this before but.. I've never had a good relationship with my mom and all so I'm like.. a Daddy's girl.

And pls don't be mad but I kinda got my phone taken away... over an argument about a sweater.. and she is always and I mean ALWAYS looking for ways to get me in trouble saying random stuff like 'You left shoes under the table'- I be like 'They your shit so pick it up!' and ofcourse I don't really have the courage to stand up for myself to really say that and so she really took my phone away because I put on a sweater.

But she then decided to take a special sweater of mine. My dad's sweater.. I've had it for a long time now, I've always kept as many stuff of his as I could trying to imagine as if he were here with me but, he isn't and I feel like I have to face it. Face reality.

He moved out awhile ago.. I haven't seen him in almost a week and even if he did live with us he was always working. And lately my mom has been 'Shopping' a lot more. Spending more money. I even found out that he'd quit his job today and Idk why..

My mom and I just don't mix. 

In all Reality she really just abuses her title as a mother. She takes advantage of it and she's admitted it herself. She says she's trying to make life easier but she's choosing to make her life better with the cost of making my life worse, and the worst part is she doesn't even realize what she's doing. It's like she's just avoiding the truth because she knows that what she's doing is wrong.

She's told me that I'm not a maid. I'm not a slave.

But she proves herself wrong every single day and I'm past tired of it. To the point I've tried running away.

'Dont leave your shoes under the table'- that's exactly what she does.

'Dont make a mess'

'Wash your own dishes'

'Make me breakfast'

'take care of your baby sister'

I'm done. I'm like breaking down. She does everything she tells me not to do. She tells me to make breakfast for her and my baby sister. Change her pamper, make her milk.

Guys.. I'm really done with her shit. For real. I've dealt with it for years.

I'm like crying on the inside because Ik that if I cried on the outside, I would have to stop to 'make her coffee'

She likes to call herself my mother.. but I'll never accept her as one. 

She is not my mother. 

Sure she gave birth to me but if she wants to call herself my mother then she should've acted the part years ago but now I'd say, A Little Too Late For That

She wasn't there when I learned to ride my bike in 2nd grade,

She wasn't there when I learned to cook,

She wasn't there when I learned to read,

She wasn't there when I finally learned to use the bathroom on my own a wipe myself.

She was never there for me.

She was never there when I cried in the closet.

She was never there when I cried myself to sleep.

And instead of congratulating me, she just punishes me.

Because apparently I didn't clean the living room the way she likes it. Because I don't know how to cook certain things she demands. Because I don't listen to her. She just wants to control my life. She said it herself she brags to her 'friends' about me. Straight A student, I learned to ride a horse in 4th grade, I'm an amazing baker. But today, She said something outloud, As if I wasn't even there. 

And what she said showed how low she thought of me.

I'm just her maid, a slave to this family, a doll. A puppet, all while she pulls the strings.

This note was originally to saay,

I might not even be able to update soon because she took my phone and said no electronics. But tonight, like every night, is when she and everyone falls asleep. This is the time I do my shit, Sneaking onto this computer being one, blasting music through my head phones would be another, but this is just to say sorry.

My mother and sisters are currently asleep but I have to go now cuz my baby sister should be waking up for her midnight bottle of milk soon. Love you guys, bye :)

Written on June 18th, 3:09am

Published:

June 19th, 3:39pm

(Could finally steal my phone back-:)