Sam

No words Can Fix This

                *Jack*

                         He thought going to see her would make him feel better, that he would laugh at all of the pain he has caused her, that watching her break in front of him would make everything all better, that he wouldn't feel any guilt, or break a little inside because she was too, he didn't think that he would feel something again, like he used to for her, he didn't realize that once again he was falling for her, by the time he would have noticed it would have been too late, he would have already destroyed her inside once again.

                        He walked into that flower shop and instantly a memory hit him, Sam had dragged him clothes shopping with her, they passed this flower shop and she stopped staring inside, he remembers her telling him that tiger lilies are her favorite and she has always wanted a guy to buy one for her. So, what did he do the next day? He bought her one and hid it in her locker at school, he saw the joy on her face when she opened it, and was almost sad to ruin her memories of her favorite flower. He took the flower from her hands and stomped on it calling her ugly and convincing everyone that she bought the flower for herself, that she was just a worthless attention seeking bitch, that she didn't even deserve the leaf of the flower because that was too pretty for her ugly ass.

                        As he recalled that memory, he felt something he hasn't felt in a long tijme regarding to Sam, guilt. He remembers the heartbroken look on her face, the tears streaming down her face, but this time he saw something else in her eyes, the love and hope she held were gone, her eyes didn't light up, they were dull. He realized that to her, that was the straw that broke the camel's back, to her that was the moment she gave up, to him it was just another way to torment her, to make her feel demeaned. Was it all worth it? At the time, yes it definitely seemed so, but he ruined a life in that moment how was he supposed to deal with that guilt?

                        What about Luke and Alex she has them now, but would she have really told them everything that she did for him, everything that he did to her? Would she have told them about all of the sexual things she did to keep him? No definitely not, would she have told them about how many times she cut herself, tried to kill herself and he didn't say anything? No she would be ashamed she didn't go through with it all. What would she have told them then? The I love yous they exchanged? Most likely, yes. Would she be sitting there crying into their shoulders? Re-reading old texts wondering where it all went wrong, the old Sam would have done that. Was the new Sam really different? Or is she still the girl he molded her into, the girl he changed so she would be more appealing to him. Would she have the same old problems? Or is he missing so much of her life that he wouldn't know? Does he really want back in though? Was it worth it? To him, it was.

                In reality does that all matter? No it doesn't. What matters is whether or not she would let him back in or not. In reality, what was the chance of that? Zero to a million? No, probably not. He knew that there is still that part of her that belongs to him, that part of her she could never let go of, that part that still wanted to tell him all of her secrets and problems, but most of all he's sure she has a piece of him still in her heart, he just needed to play to that, and he should be in, for good this time, hopefully he won't destroy her all over again.