DETROIT: BECOME HUMAN X READERS

Connor fic with "I don't wanna feel anything anymore."

"Heyyy can i get #71 with Connor from DBH? THxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx :P" -by anon

Prompt: "I don't want to feel anything anymore."

Warnings: Angst angst angst!! DON'T READ THIS IF YOU MIGHT BE TRIGGERED BY A SCENE THAT MIGHT BE COMPARABLE TO SUICIDE (not physical one though)

Word count: 631

—

So Connor had decided to reset himself - wipe his memories about you. He would pay the price with forgetting everything else along with it, but he felt like he had to make it. He couldn't live in a world where he had memories of you - how you wouldn't be around anymore. How he still saw you smiling at him every morning when he got into work, sometimes even saying hi to you, but when he blinked, you were gone. He had to wake up to reality every single day - the reality where you no longer were around, He couldn't take it anymore.

He told Hank - because Hank had been like a father to him, and despite Connor had been horrible towards him these past months, he still wanted to say goodbye.

Hank didn't take Connor's decision lightly - he tried to talk Connor out of it, but nothing changed Connor's mind. Without you, he didn't find the joy in life anymore - and he was making it worse for others, he was fearing to ruin Hank's mental state with being mean. Hank tried to say that he understands, and that he wants Connor to remember, but Connor stayed in his decision.

Hank shuffled forward, trying to reassure his friend. "Connor, Y/N would want you to live on, to make new memories, to feel-"

"That's the thing, Hank. I don't want to feel anything anymore. Not without Y/N. I'm sorry. Goodbye."

And so he told his systems to reset, to wipe all the memories of you. He forgot how you sounded as you laughed, he forgot what you looked like, he forgot how it was to kiss you, or caress your face and see you blush. He forgot how you always got his synthetic heart beating faster - how you were one of the reasons he started to deviate all those years ago.

He forgot it all - he couldn't bear to live with all those memories when you weren't around anymore. He didn't think he'd go back to it ever again, but he wanted to be a machine, who can't think or feel anything. He paid the price, he forgot everyone else too, including Hank. Hank, whose life you had saved with Connor.

And now he was back, being a machine, staring Hank blankly in the eye, as he smiled at him politely and introduced himself. And Hank lifted his shaky hand to his face to wipe his tears - Connor wasn't the man he had gotten to know anymore. He could turn to deviant again, and he would turn once Hank would ask a deviant to turn him - but he wouldn't remember anything about the time before the revolution. He would act pretty much the same, he would have that kind and caring personality after bonding with Hank again - but just without the memories he had gotten before. And that erased a certain part of Connor which had been participating in saving Hank in the past, and that was a tough thing to swallow for him. Hank would tell the new, deviated Connor about you, and he would say he could tell that you were an amazing person, a valued cop and a good friend - but he still didn't remember you.

He sacrificed all his memories - because he loved you too much to remember them.

---

I DO NOT TAKE REQUESTS!