Where Evil Grows

Pretty Boys

If there's one thing in life that brought Ivo Robotnik joy that wasn't being incredibly intelligent in the many different fields of science, it was pretty boys. In particular, pretty boys that did what he wanted, when he wanted and how he wanted. Pretty boys, in Ivo's dignified opinion, pretty boys made any day he was surrounded by complete utter numbskulls worth it. Sometimes pretty boys could be complete utter numbskulls but being a pretty boy made the numbskullness tolerable at least. That's what made Ivo drawn to Stone. It was the clumsiness, the lack of spacial awareness and just the whole vibe of being like a deer in the middle of uncoming traffiic when it came to important science things that made Ivo completely weak at the knees. Pretty boys. That's what pretty boys did.

It was this simple fact, that doctor Ivo Eggman Robtonik liked pretty boys, that likely saved Stone from any excessive harsh consequences for the immense destruction of the drone. Sure, it was a tad problematic when hours upon hours of hard work and labour gets decimated by a single, clueless guy and Ivo would have preferred if maybe, y'know, that DIDN'T happen but sometimes things don't go right and you have to deal with the outcome. The outcome in this scenario being that at least now there was a pretty boy around him at times. It was nice to have an audience when you were as smart, as ingenious and as quick-witted as Ivo.

If he had one complaint however, it would be that sometimes pretty boys got bored of just sitting back and watching things. This would inevidibly trigger sighs of boredom and audible complaints which wasn't something you really wanna hear when you're busy flexing just how incredible you are. Pretty boys should be seen and not heard was something that Ivo strongly agreed with. If he wanted to hear relentless chatter about "are you suuuuureee there's nothing I can help out with?" he would have just gone to the nearest school and picked up a hoard of small, easily kickable snotty nosed crotch goblins that could rub their grubby little hands on the myriad of spare computer parts that he left in a cardboard box under the stairs. Sadly, he was unable to do this because of stupid "child labour laws" and "you can't exploit eight year olds for your personal benefit" idiotic things like that which made absolutely no sense in the eyes of doctor Ivo Eggman Robotnik. If a child can know how to tie their shoelaces, surely they should be eligible to do equally as challenging things, such as basic rocket science....right?

This topic arose one wednesday afternoon. Ivo was laying on the floor, tool in hand as he adjusted some minor flaw he had noticed in an old automobile project. Stone was watching him from a work bench. He was also laying down, head resting on the palm of his hand and his feet swinging slightly up in the air. He resembled what a teenage girl with a Y2K aesthetic probably envisions what she calls her best friend.

"Screwdriver. Now" Ivo commanded, holding out his hand for Stone to toss it over for him.

"Nahh...don't feel like it"

"What was that? That's not really funny. Screwdriver. Now. ....please?"

"Can't I help you more than just hand you a tool"

"You are helping. By staying out of the way for the time being! Now can you-"

"You said that three weeks ago!! And two weeks ago and-"

"And, I'm saying that again this week. Now, Shush. Screwdriver now, please, I'm not asking you again"

Reluctantly Stone got up off the worktable, and slowly strode over to the tool-kit. He scavenged for about a minute or two- Ivo wasn't known for his organisational skills- before spotting the screwdriver. He picked it up, being careful not to accidentally glide his hand against any of the numerous too-sharp objects in the box, and finally delivered it to Ivo.

"Finally. See? Was that so difficult? I could've gotten a random child on the street to get it for me in half the time you just took."

"Well....ethically speaking...that's probably not the best thing to do if you were to do tha"

"Ethics? ETHICS? Hate to burst your bubble but there are no ""ethics""" in science! If there was, how would we have many things the majority of people don't appreciate. Is it morally right to test vaccines out on other humans before the general population gets it injected inside their bodies? Maybe it is. maybe it isnt but that's what makes science interesting! Testing the lengths people go to, in order to advance our society as a whole, thats fascinating, is it not?"

"There's a difference between someone volunteering their body and you abducting a child off the street to fetch a tool for you"

"You say tomato, I say test subject....besides the difference is just an arbitary thing that holds no real importance in the grand scheme of things. What value does one human child have over one human adult?"

"You do realize you sound like you're advocating for child exploitation, right?"

"And those parents who use their children for youtube views are not? Please explain your thought processs behind that, or don't. I really couldn't care to carry this conversation any further if I'm being honest with you. Maybe you can write an essay explaining your point.. I wont read it though but itd be a nice alternative to fossil fuels"

"You're really mean, you know that right?"

"Probably. But Im also really sexy and really smart and just really fucking swag so I see no problem with a minor character flaw, it adds a bit of zest to the personality"

With that, Ivo slid under the hunk of metal and began screwing away at it. He was muttering something incoherant and being the narrator, I know I should probably be able to decipher what was being said, I also really couldn't care. You know who did care though? Stone. Instead of drifting back into a comfortable position onto the aforementioned workbench, he rested his forehead against the wall and began gently slapping his face against it. Ivo tried to take no notice and continue on with his work but that was next to impossible. Still, Ivo persisted.

"I'm not coming out from under this thing until I'm finished. Don't do anything". His voice could be heard from underneath the project amongst the tinkering of tool against metal. For a while, the duo stayed like that. Ivo's tools going clank clank clank and Stone's head going bonk bonk bonk. Both of them were being incredibly stubborn, neither one wanted to admit that they were wrong or that they had overreacted in the slightest. Continuous clanks and bonks could be heard in the room for around ten minutes before Stone ceased his bonking.

He rubbed his forehead slightly. There was no physical presence of any damage from the repeated collisions of head and wall but it still hurt, just a bit. On the other hand, Ivo was not stopping in the slightest. It was unnerving, Stone thought to himself, that one man could be so invested in one single task. It was strangely mesmirisng that, even though Stone could not see Ivo's face, he could still feel how intoxicating it was for the other man to be doing one duty so perfectly. Stone zoned out for a while, hypnotised by Ivo's actions. He could have been like that for ten minutes or ten hours and there would be almost no difference.

"FUCK"

His thoughts were interrupted by a yelp of pain coming from, you guessed, Ivo. He rolled out from underneath his work station, his hands cupped over his eye as he receited what must have been every single swear word known in the english vernacular. Stone was clueless to what to do, he simply watched with a look of horror on his face.

"Are you okay?! What just happened??"

He turned around and slowly uncovered his eye. Stone prepared to recoil in horror at what could potentially be a bruise of unimaginable size. Ivo was continuing his little monologue of naming off every obscenity in the book.

"Shit.Shit.SHIT. This stupid motherfuckin screwdriver...its not horrendous-looking is it?"

Finally, Stone could get a decent glimpse at Ivo's eye. It looked...bad. Real bad. The type of bad that makes you say "yikes" like the white suburban dad in a really shitty horror film. It didn't look incredibly serious though; Ivo certainly wasn't going to lose an eye or anything like that. Stone looked at his eye for a while, quietly observing the eye of the other man.

"Do you...need ice?" he asked.

"Yes. Go do that. That would be swell" Ivo replied, watching with the non-injured eye as Stone fled the lab looking for some ice. He smiled to himself.

Pretty Boys, they really were a divine treasure.