Offering Room and Board to a Bunch of Rowdy Skeletons

Cooking

After cleaning up Papyrus' mess, I head into the kitchen to witness another argument.

"No, Lamer Version Of Me. We Are Not Making Spaghetti. The Pathetic Human Deserves To Know What True Greatness Is. Also Known As... My Lasagna! NYEHEHE!" Edge laughs maniacally while attempting to pry dry noodles from Papyrus' grasp.

"Hands off my bro, spike-butt." Sans slams Edge against my counter. "You wanna have a b a d t i m e ?"

"Don't Put Honey In The Spaghetti, Stretch!" Papyrus yells, as Stretch snorts and begins playfully tickling Papyrus.

I sweep my gaze around the room  before snapping out a loud, "Enough!"

The skeletons freeze and turn to stare at me.

"I invited civilized skeletons into my home, not thugs," I scowl firmly at the skeletons before gently pulling the spaghetti box from Papyrus. "And I seem to have to remind you all that this is MY kitchen. So, I think that you've all done enough roughhousing tonight, hm?"

The skeletons untangle themselves before Edge fixes me with a cold glare.

"And What Makes You Think That You Can Boss Me Around, Human?" He steps closer to me before straightening to his full height. Even with heels on, he looms over my head.

"It's my house, sir. If you don't like my rules, you can go freeze outside in the cold." I snarl up at him with unexpected ferocity. "Now, we're going to have something that I cook tonight since you guys obviously can't pick for yourselves. Later this week, we can work out a schedule for things like this. Alright?"

The skeletons don't object.

"Good. Now, would any of you like to assist me?"

Edge grumbles to himself and slinks out of the kitchen. I never did like bullies.

"Oh, me! Me!" Papyrus and Blue volunteer themselves at the same time.

"Alright, the rest of you can go unpack or feel free to watch some TV." I turn to start preparing the food. "Today, we'll be having a vegetable stir fry. Try not to be too picky, this is our first night living together, after all."

I pull out a crock pot and get to work.

"Blue, could ask everyone else if they have any requests for desert? I think that I may have been a bit harsh..." I muttered awkwardly. Thankfully, Blue seemed to understand and ran off immediately.

"I Don't Think That You Were Too Harsh, Human. Though, Edge May Feel A Bit Differently..." Papyrus commented.

I hesitated before replying, "...Yeah. Thanks, bud..."

"Human?" Papyrus trailed off before regaining his confidence. "Why Are You Renting Out Your House In The First Place?"

"I... I dunno. Instinct, I guess. I felt like I should. And besides," My stomach twisted. "It was getting a bit... Quiet."

Silence filled the kitchen as I began slicing mushrooms and I began to wonder... What was going on through Papyrus' head. He probably wasn't satisfied with my response. Or maybe, he thought that I was mean for snapping at Edge. Or maybe--

"That Must Have Been Very Hard For You, Human..." My eyes fluttered in shock as I felt him embrace me from behind. "But Worry Not! Your Days Of Silence Are Over! I, The Great Papyrus, Will Ensure Constant, Unending Noise. Even If I Have To Scream!"

Despite my cautiousness towards the skeleton, a chuckle escapes me and I put a hand over his.

"Thanks, Papyrus. But you being here is enough. Promise." I murmur.

"Getting cozy, huh?"

I jump as I glance over to Stretch and Papyrus scrambles away from me.

"Hello, sir. Dinner should likely be ready in approximately 15 minutes." Papyrus frowns at my guarded tone.

"...right. I'll leave you two to it, then." He mutters before vanishing from sight.

So, he can teleport. Good to know.

"Why was Stretch so upset?" Papyrus questions.

"No idea." I reply, stretching and popping my back.

"HUMAN!!" Papyrus' distressed screech makes me jump. "What On Earth Did You Just Do To Yourself!?"

"Uhm... I popped my back?" I reply.

"OH NO, That Doesn't Sound Good!" I open my mouth to reply but Papyrus interrupts me by bending me over his knee and frantically shaking me in order to straighten out my spine.

"WhAt tHe f-- uhck, Pap?" I manage to get out before I feel him karate chop my back.

"Kinky." I frown at the sound of Red's voice. "Is the food ready, yet?"

"Not Yet, Red! But The Human Seems To Be Broken!" Papyrus replies.

"Not surprised with how rough yet bein'." Red replies, leaning against the wall as I stand and rub my now karate-chopped back. "Usually Boss is the only sadist I know. You're full of surprises, Papyrus. It's always the nice ones that are secretly evil."

I can almost hear the 'whooshing' noise as Red's comments fly over Papyrus' head.

"Red, go get everyone. The food is ready. Papyrus, could you help me set the table?" I decide to move on from the odd experience.

"Oh, sure, you're nice to sunshine here," He gestures to Papyrus. "But you order me around... Tsk."

He doesn't give me the chance to reply as he teleports away.

I sigh heavily. These skeletons may be crazier than I thought.