Jealousy (z.s.)

|letter|

Shortly after Zayn left Harry woke up on his own. He reached his arm out to find Zayn's body but soon remembered their conversation and retracted his arm back.

After stretching and waking up, Harry found the note from Zayn on the sink.

When he read it his eyes filled up with tears. What the fuck was he doing?

Everything he did that morning was forced.

He forced himself to get in the shower.

He forced himself to get dressed.

He forced himself to even go downstairs to breakfast.

When he did, he found all the boy's sitting around the table waiting for Paul and Julian.

Harry noticed Niall and wanted something to relieve all of the tension that was suffocating him. So he leaned down and whispered to Niall.

Harry: "do you happen to have a cigarette?"

Niall was taken back...

Niall: "haz you never smoke, don't start now"

Harry: "just one, I need it please"

Niall: "why not ask Zayn?"

Harry: "we...never mind that, just please give me one"

Niall: "they're in my suitcase over by the door, I always keep an extra pack for Zayn or Lou..."

Harry: "well in this case, for me"

Niall: "do not smoke more than one of those Harry...I mean it"

Harry nodded and retrieved them out of Nialls suitcase before heading outside. He sat on a bench along the side of the hotel and lit it. He took a puff and started coughing afterwards...definitely not used to the sensation.

Back inside Zayn watched Harry leave, curious.

Zayn: "Niall"

Niall: "hmm?"

Zayn: "what did you give him?"

Niall: "he asked for a smoke"

Zayn: "what? why? he never smokes, for fuck sake he yells at me for smoking"

Niall: "he's stressed...give him that"

Zayn: "and you think I'm not?"

Niall: "I know you are Z, but you smoke. Just let him one time."

Zayn: "...he told me that we need to spend time apart this morning Ni."

Niall almost choked on his water

Niall: "why?!"

Zayn: "he said he wants a break, just until all this bullshit blows over...my heart is in a million fucking pieces right now Ni."

Niall: "I didn't know...I would've never expected that"

Zayn: "you and me both"

A few minutes later Harry walked in and reluctantly took the empty seat next to Zayn.

He noticed how bloodshot and broken his eyes looked and he nudged him.

Harry: "you okay?"

Zayn was surprised Harry made conversation with him.

Zayn: "better than ever"

Harry sighed

Harry: "I'm sorry"

Zayn: "you did what you had to do"

Harry: "Z, I don't wanna be apart forever...just a little while"

Zayn: "if you loved me like you said Harry, you wouldn't wanna be apart at all. But that's a discussion for a different time."

Harry: "of course I love you."

Zayn: "apparently not enough to stay"

Harry was silent for a minute, until he remembered Zayn this morning. When Zayn was talking to Harry, he wasn't actually asleep...so he heard it all.

Harry: "I listened to you this morning"

Zayn: "when?"

Harry: "when you were holding my hand on the bed...that whole speech"

Zayn: "oh yeah...sorry I thought you were asleep"

Harry: "don't worry about it, it was sweet"

Zayn: "mhm"

A few seconds later Paul and Julian joined them at the table.

Paul: "no procrastination, let's get to the point"

Harry raised his hand

Paul: "Harry, I see you're ready to talk yeah?"

He shook his head, although still kinda nervous.

Harry: "me and Z decided to spend some time apart until we felt it was the right time to be together...I want all of this to blow over and I wanna rebuild my relationship with not only Louis but Liam too. So I thought it would be best to take a break."

Julian: "okay wow, how do you feel about this situation zayn?"

Zayn pretended to scratch his eye but was wiping the tears forming instead.

Zayn: "I don't feel anything to be honest"

Paul: "I'm sorry but I'm afraid I dunno what that means"

Zayn: "it means that I don't feel anything, nothing effects me when I don't have any feelings left for it to affect."

Paul: "so I'm assuming you're not okay?"

Zayn: "I uh...I'm great yeah. If rebuilding is what we're doing than I'm in. Tell me what to do and I'll do it."

He put on a fake smile that everyone could see through, especially Harry.

Louis: "I don't really have anymore questions. I know they cheated and shit. It's gonna take awhile for that trust to be there again but I guess I'm willing to take the steps in order to do that. For the sake of the band and everyone else in it."

Liam: "me too, it sucked hearing that news but since they've agreed to split apart just to fix what they messed up, that earns a lot of respect from me. So yeah, I guess the relationship building starts now yeah?"

Julian: "no show today, so it's all about hanging out together and we want everyone to have fun and enjoy themselves."

Zayn let out an annoyed chuckle

Paul: "something wrong Zayn?"

Zayn: "no everything is just peachy"

Harry frowned at Zayn, his once happy expression was completely diminished.

He couldn't lie and say that he didn't wanna grab Zayn's face and kiss him, but he felt like they owed Liam and Louis, so he held back.

They'd be back together soon enough yeah?

They were all sent to go get plates of food when Harry grabbed Zayn's arm and pulled him back.

Harry: "this is for you...I uh...I wrote it this morning."

Zayn: "oh...okay"

Harry: "you don't have to read it, but it's there if you want"

He brushed past Zayn leaving him alone to read the letter.

Z,
I know your mind is in 7 different places because of the shit that's going on, and I did nothing but make it worse...but this doesn't mean that I've lost any of the love I have for you. I love you more than I've loved anyone in my entire life, and it may not seem like it right now, but it's true. Believe it if you want. This is hard, but we need to do it for the sake of our friends. We hurt them, so we deserve to go through the pain too. I'm not gonna find anyone else, I'm sure you'll still catch me staring at you from across the room with eyes full of pure admiration...but for now, distance is key. This isn't goodbye, my lips will find yours soon. I love you baby, and yes...I'll always be your bug.

-all the love, H