TsukkiYama Stories

Love Like You

A/N: Sorry my updates have been taking so long, I'm just getting to the end of the school term so school work is picking up, but in a week I'll have a lot more free time for writing. As well as school, I have been working on a project that I would really like to share with you all! I'm doing a free Haikyu!! Karasuno first years pride postcard project, where you can pick one of five postcards to receive at no cost! There is more information in the following link;
https://forms.gle/tg3vEge17JyV9x589

Bonus A/N: This is angsty, kind of something to help myself destress. If you've asked for a request, don't worry I will get to it! It will just be after next week when I have some fuel.

Word Count: 1316

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As a man who walks ahead of me, I don't understand what makes you stop to allow me to catch up. If I could begin to be half of what you think of me, I could do about anything. As a man that follows, I wish that I knew what makes you think I'm so special.

Kei tapped his pen to his forehead in a consistent rhythm, watching Yamaguchi write his work for the maths they were doing. His face was soft, and held a lot of thoughts as shown through his scrunched eyebrows. Kei could tell that Yamaguchi cared, because he truly put in the effort. It showed in his eyes and his actions, he would never drop something if he knew he could do better. He closed his eyes, imagining what it would be like to be able to hold the face that tried ever so hard, to watch it relax. To be able to feel it all beneath his thumbs.

"Tsukki?" He opened his eyes at hearing his name being called, blinking as his vision cleared. He looked Yamaguchi right in the eyes, and if he could, he would reach out to take the hand sprawled out over the table, but really, it held his phone. One that had messages for him from others.

"Mm?" He let out a soft hum, resting his chin in his hand.

"Yachi just messaged me to tell me that she'd be here shortly."

Kei bit the insides of his cheeks. But maybe not as special as I would like to think. If I could begin to do something that does right by you, I could do about anything.

"Right. Have you caught up? You can look at my notes if you need."

"Not yet," Yamaguchi whined, and it was the only complaint he could deal with, infact, he might even adore it. "But I can do it!"

Kei nodded, even smiling a little. I've never thought for a single millimetre that I could get here by myself, I have always needed you by my side. And I don't want that to change.

The ping of Yamaguchi's phone, very prominent this time, causes his smile to fade. He looked down at the phone, which then quickly disappeared from his view.

"She's here, I'll go let her in."

Kei follows him with his eyes as he walks out of the room, before looking back down at the phone he had dropped on the table. He reaches over to turn it on, it's a picture of the two of them at a park in early spring. He had been against the photo at the time, but he was glad that he had been forced into it. Secretly, it made him feel most important to Yamaguchi, being in both his backgrounds. He pressed the off button as he heard footsteps approach, looking towards the door as it was pushed open. He raised a hand to wave at the two that walked through the door.

"Afternoon." He bowed his head, at which he got a bow back from Yachi.

"Thank you for having me today."

He watched Yamaguchi sit down across from him, then Yachi in the spot between the two of them. It felt like time slowed down in the moment, and the ones that followed. He watched Yamaguchi and Yachi laugh, talk, everything he wanted with Yamaguchi alone. He scribbled in the corner of his paper, he couldn't think clearly. Yamaguchi's laugh floated around in his head, but it was so dull with the other banter. The low flirting was the worst though, the small smiles and nudges, the playful questions and answers. It drove him down a hole of insanity. All he wanted was Yamaguchi's full attention, all of his laughs, touches, coos, love. He bit the inside of his lip, quickly standing and moving to the door.

"Please excuse me, I just need to use the bathroom."

He quickly made his way down the hall, quietly closing the door and turning to stare himself in the mirror. His nose was red, and his eyes were slightly glossy. To yearn for something so much that it actually made him cry... it was certainly an uncommon experience, rare in fact, and here he was. He pulled his glasses from his face, pushing his palms into his eyes. He couldn't cry, not in front of Yamaguchi, and Yachi. He placed his glasses down on the sink, running the water to collect in his cupped hands. He splashed his face, once, twice, three time before turning off the tap. He let the water drip from his face. Tears without being his own. He reached for the hand towel, pressing it to his face. He set the towel down over its rack after he finished, putting his glasses back onto his face. He watched himself in the mirror for a short time.

I always thought I might be bad. Now I'm sure that it's true, because I think you're so good and I'm nothing like you.

What time was it even? How much of this would he have to endure? All he wanted was Yamaguchi, to be alone and hold him, oh to feel his breath against his own. He took a deep breath, turning to make his way back to the room. He opened the door, staring at the two who were practically on top of one another laughing. Then again, he didn't have to listen to it when they both noticed him standing there in the doorway. He watched them, his eyes stinging. No matter what Yamaguchi's phone showed, this was the reality. Yamaguchi didn't want to be with Kei. He gripped onto the door handle.

How embarrassing, to cry not only in front of your best friend slash lover, but also the person they would rather be with.

He watched both of them become concerned. At least he was getting some kind of attention from Yamaguchi, beggars can't be choosers, right?

"Tsukishima?" Yachi first addressed her words to him, but them quickly turned to Yamaguchi. "I've never seen him cry before."

Kei couldn't move. He felt plastered to the spot on the floor, he couldn't even bring himself to say something. Everything clearly was leading to this moment, yet here he was, somehow still surprised.

He watched Yamaguchi rise from his spot, making his way over to Kei.

"Tsukki-"

"It's okay Yamaguchi," He was quick to cut him off, the words finally finding themself on his tongue. "Don't mind me, I should leave you two alone." He quickly nodded his head and turned to walk away, yet his arm was caught by a warm hand, one that tugged him.

"Tsukki," Yamaguchi said again.

He sniffed, biting his cheeks as he turned to face Yamaguchi. "Please, don't make it harder." Not only did Yachi see him cry, but heard it too. His voice cracked, filled with tears. "I can't do this. I really can't."

He was met with, "Sorry, Tsukki," but it wasn't playful, it wasn't sarcastic. It was true.

"For what? It's my fault. I know it is. If I can only watch you from behind, then why do I deserve to stand next to you. For once let me walk ahead of you, so I can leave."

The hand around his wrist tightened. The face that belonged to it also held tears, but a smile too. Yamaguchi laughed through it, as if mocking him.

"Tsukki, I'm gay. I love you too."

Kei's felt the entire world fall of his shoulders. The words sat heavy in his ears. They stared at each other, a couple of boys in love, covered in tears.

Yamaguchi cracked a big smile, pulling Kei a little bit closer.

"When I see the way you look, shaken by how long it took, I could do about anything. I could even learn how to love like you."