I Have To Protect Them - Cleofis Drisen

Chapter Two: The Trip Part 1

When the senior camping trip came, I wasn't planning on going, but Greg said that if I wasn't going to let people treat me like I'm sick then I should do everything everyone else is going to do. He also said that it was good for me to get away and be with my peers for possibly the last time ever. I think that I am just going to be exposing myself to everyone, and what of they all notice I'm sick. Greg's response was "if they notice they notice, and it might be best for them to know." I don't want them to be in pain, but I also was to be with them. I hate this. I hate myself, I hate being sick, and I hate that I pushed all my friends away. My doctor gave me the clearance to go as long as I took an extra oxygen tank, extra medication, and an extra inhaler. She also said that I would be able to reach her and my psychologist at any time.

The morning of the trip I woke up early because I still have some packing to do. I got dressed in my black Avril Lavigne tour shirt, a pair of black jeans, and my favorite knock off Converses. I put on some light makeup: mainly using concealer to hide my dark circles, blush to hid my pale skin, and mascara. I have been only getting a couple of hours of sleep each night combined with a lot of napping. Whenever I nap on the couch Greg or my aunt always hover over me. I think they're scared that I'm not going to wake up. I've also lost 15 pounds in two months, which is worrisome because I only weighed 110 pounds to begin with, so now I'm 95 pounds. I was starting to look more sickly and I really don't like how I look; not that I've ever liked my looks. I packed my carry-on full with clothes, toiletries, and an extra pair of shoes. My backpack on wheels had my oxygen tank, my nose piece, my full mask, tubing, all my medications, a book that will help me distance myself from others, and all my chargers for my electronics.

I heard a knock on my door and I told whoever it was to come in. "Good morning cuz" I heard Greg 's voice as he entered my room. "Good morning" I replied as he flopped down onto my bed. "Are you almost ready to go? We have to leave in 15 minutes" Greg asked me, eyeing my open backpack. I nodded as I zipped up the backpack and sighed. "Do I have to go? Can't I just stay here and hide in bed all week" I said, making him laugh. He shook his head to my words. "No you are not going to hide away. This is going to be really good for you to get out into nature and be around someone other than me" he said and we both chuckled. "Alright fine. I'm ready" I sighed through my smile. Greg jumped off my bed like an excited little kid on Christmas morning. He grabbed my carry-on and skipped out of the room. As I left the room, I grabbed my red sweater and put it on. I followed behind him with my backpack wheeling behind me and I couldn't help but laugh at his childish behavior. I think this trip is more for him and he didn't was to leave me behind. 

We made our way downstairs, and my aunt greeted us from the kitchen. I walked over to her as she was cooking some pancakes on the stove. "Good morning." Her voice has a melodic tone to it. I gently kissed her on the cheek and joined my cousin sitting at the small kitchen table. "Morning" I said as I grabbed a banana from the fruit bowl on the table and ripped it open. "So kids, are you excited for the trip?" My aunt asked, glancing over her shoulder at us. Greg gave her an excited smile and I gave an unenthused smile. "I think Greg is more excited than I am" I stated, making her laugh and turn back to the stove. She placed a plate of pancakes in front of Greg as I finished my banana. Greg wolfed down his pancakes and he jumped up saying "alright, let's get this show on the road." I groaned as I got up and threw my banana peel away in the garbage can under the sink. I grabbed my backpack and headed to the front door as my aunt grabbed her purse and keys. Greg took both of our carry-on's to the car, and I wheeled my backpack. Greg had his backpack on his back and he insisted on having my extra oxygen tank in it.

My aunt and Greg were in the front seat while I was in the backseat looking out the window. I was really nervous about the trip and I really didn't want to go, but Greg has done so much for me. Since I was diagnosed he's sacrificed a lot, including his house, time, money, and his mom's attention. I hate what a burden I am on them, so if I can do anything to make either of them happy, I'll do it. Besides I can suffer for one more week, it's just a camping trip. I had no idea how this was going to go and the uncertainty was making my stomach twist into knots. My mind wandered to Grizz and my heart felt achy. It's been a year since we really talked and I still felt guilty, but I made my choice. No going back...or could we?