I Have To Protect Them - Cleofis Drisen

Chapter 8: I Can't Do This Part 1

I didn't get much, if any sleep at all. I forgot to put my nose piece on before falling asleep, so I had a very restless sleep. My nightmares didn't help. I woke up screaming in the middle of the night again. Greg and Grizz both came running into the room.

 In the dream I was lying in a hospital bed, unable to move or talk and was stuck listening to everyone say horrible things about me. Helena told Luke that she wouldn't pray for me because I didn't deserve her words or to go to heaven. Greg told everyone how much of a burden I was and how happy he'd be without me. Clark and Jason joked about how they never liked me and were glad I was dying. Kelly and Harry called me a bitch and a cow for how I treated everyone, but none of them hurt as much as Grizz's words. He told me that he never loved me and that he'd be glad that he wouldn't have to pretend about liking me anymore. Cassandra, Allie, Will, Becca, and Sam were there in the background. Everyone laughed at me as Campbell approached my bedside. He laughed, "good riddance", before shooting me in the face with his hand gun. That's when I woke up, curled myself up into a ball, and cried into my knees. Greg came to me and gave me a hug, meanwhile, Grizz stayed by the door. He seemed nervous to come in. "shh, Cleo it's okay. I'm right here. Was it the same as the last one?" Greg pondered, earning a nod from me. "Do you want to talk about it?" he pushed, and I shook my head no. It fell quiet for a second and the room filled with my heavy breathing. Greg moved so he could look at me, then to my bedside table and sighed. "Where's your nose piece? You need to wear that to sleep, especially if I'm not watching over yo-" Greg badgered, however I cut him off, "we're not alone." We both looked at Grizz, who was still standing in the doorway with a confused expression. I let go of Greg and rested against my pillows as Greg apologized, "shit, sorry Cle." Greg got up and went towards the door. He turned to look at me and growled, "before you fall asleep again, put it on. I mean it Cleofis Meghan Drisen." I uncomfortably laughed, "yeah, yeah, I will DAD. Don't need to full name me!" Greg chuckled, leaving Grizz and I alone.

We stared at each other for a few seconds before Grizz wondered, "what are you supposed to wear?" "Just some stupid thing to help me sleep" I confessed. I looked down at my hands to avoid eye contact with him. "Are you sick?" he asked, causing me to freeze. "Don't worry, I'll be fine" I told him, looking up at him. He furrowed his brows and hissed, "that's not an answer. ARE YOU SICK?" I smiled a little at his kindness. "I don't want to tell you" I whispered, and he took a few steps into the room. "Why?" he inquired, making me look away from him. "Because it's better this way. I'd rather hate me, then watch me d-" I said, getting interrupted by him, "I don't hate you." He sat down at the edge of my bed. "You should, you have to or else I can't" I trailed off. "You can't what?" he investigated, and I started to tear up. "We can't be friends. I don't want to be your friend" I lied, trying to push him away. "Stop pushing me away. I'm not going anywhere" he claimed, scooting closer to me and trying to grab my hand. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I begged, "please go away. Stay away from me." I pulled my hands away from him and pushed my body to the other side of my bed. "B-but I need you" he admitted quietly. "Yeah well I don't, so go away" I told him, looking him in the eyes. He got up slowly and made his way to the door, but before leaving he turned around to look at me one last time. "I love you and when you're ready to tell me the truth, I'll be waiting" he express, then he walked out and head to the right towards my aunt's room. I hated doing this to him, only I couldn't see any other way to protect him. 

I eventually fell back asleep after crying myself there, except I wandered in and out of consciousness all night. I woke up the next day exhausted and found out that Grizz left last night. I could tell he didn't stay because my aunts bed was still made and there was no sign he'd even touched the bed. When I asked Greg about it, he just shrugged and claimed he hadn't seen him since last night. 

Before I knew it, 10 days had passed and the day we were supposed to go home came. Grizz hasn't talked to me since the night Emily died. I went to her grave everyday, I don't think I'm ever going to feel okay about this. When some of the others, including Grizz and Luke were there, I'd let them have their time at the grave. Seeing the sadness in their eyes made my insides twist and caused me great pain. I couldn't help but think about how they'd feel when it's me in that grave. I never tell Greg about those thoughts because he still believes there's hope, like he's going to find some magical cure. We've had multiple fights about the experimental treatment. He thinks we should try it with the hope it will save me, except I have multiple reasons againts it, such as we couldn't afford it before, so it's not fair to just take medicine that others might need. Plus, we don't know if it will make me better or worse and if we get back home, we'll still won't be able to afford the treatment, which could make me sicker. None the less, we went to the hospital everyday to do research on my disease and so far no magic cure.