Bedroom Whispers

Letter to Beth and Crew

Beth, do share this letter with the crew. In no particular order, Caleb, Tolu, Tofunmi, Hope, Ifeoma. I hope I've not left anyone out. I'll be baring a deep and real part of me tonight with you all.

In light of recent events (Beth might want to explain a few things to you here as I'm not present with you to explain myself. I trust whatever she'll tell you), it hurts, deeply hurts to the bone, when those you think have your back are the same ones who smite you at the back. I gave my heart, in its purest of forms. I opened my core to people. I trusted people without holding back. But you see, I learn every day.

People are not often as they seem. And I'm grateful when these kinds of things happen. It helps me in getting a clearer perspective on life. I'm pained. And this is where I'll tell you that I left secular religion to find the true God. I remember one very powerful statement that a stranger once told me. He stopped me on the road one early morning, and said, "Stop looking for God in the crowd. When God gets lost in the crowd, it's time to find him alone." I don't know what he saw that made him say that then, but now, I know better.

And you know what I found, that He is in each one of you. I had to leave the crowd. And I found God.

The God that wasn't keen on making people feel bad. The God who sees us as humans with our flaws and who didn't go about with slanders that cut the heart. The God that loves us despite our shortfalls and holds nothing to our charge.

The kind of God that comes down to man in human flesh and chooses to dine with the ones society rejected and called outcasts. The kind of God that preferred to be slandered for forgiving an adulteress instead of castigating her as the Pharisees did. The kind of God who sat down with the Samaritan woman and gave her the best gift of life.  The kind of God that brings comfort and peace in troubled times. The God that accepts us as we are.

I hope you come to know God for who he truly is. I hope you look at each other's faces and see God there. For when I see your faces, I see the face of God.

So you might hear I've stopped going to church for close to seven months now. Yes. Do believe that part. It's true news. But I want you to hear it from me. You might hear I stopped attending my family devotions. That's also true. But you see, what you'll not hear is that I'm happier with myself and my understanding of God than if I'd done otherwise. I'm not saying this is the right path for anyone to take, but it's my path, and I walk in it with my shoulders held high. I'm unashamed of my stance.

I also don't owe anyone an explanation on why I've chosen to walk this path, but you're my people. If I don't clear this with you, I feel I'd be depriving you of a part of me. This is me choosing the real over facades. This is me being me despite the pain it's causing from those who misunderstand me.

I no longer am the person people once thought they knew, or better put, I'm no longer the person they expect me to be. So I understand if and when they get bitter and use negativities as their only way of expression. With tears rolling down my eyes, I forgive them all because they don't know better. For if they knew, they would act differently. I hope you find a place to forgive them too.

I'm however more pained because of I'll, because of the effect it's having on you. The stories, hurtful, sad, false and bitter ones that are being peddled by those who should be mature and wise. It still makes me wonder where Love went to. I'm pained and this brings tears to my eyes even as I type this. I somehow blame myself for making things worse. But then, I realize we only have control of our actions and intentions. We cannot control how others choose to interpret things.

I'm sorry for where this has brought all of us to, but I'll never be sorry for knowing you all, and touching your light. You've pushed me in my journey of growth to a level I might never have gotten to if I hadn't met you all.

You still keep pushing me. So, even as I sincerely apologise for the bad, sad and hurtful things people will tell you, or you might have heard, and the negative impressions that are being created and spread by those who should know better, I make bold to say I'm proud of you all and will choose you all, all over, again and again.

Thank you for giving me a chance to come into your circle of fellowship. You've all shown me what a true bond means. After all these years, irrespective of the fights and hitches, you're all still together. I'm blessed to have known you all.

The truth is I'm dying. I'm not okay bodily. This is the first time I'll be saying this out. I live each day as a gift given to me. So when I see y'all, it's with the joy that I still am alive to have one more moment with y'all. But you see, some things might need to be, painful as they might be.

I don't know how things will play out henceforth, but whatever happens, just know I still love and cherish you all. And I hold you in the highest of esteems. Nothing I'll ever hear will change the way I see you. We've walked a long way for me to imagine otherwise. You all, no matter what happens, will still be precious in my eyes.

I don't think I've ever gotten this emotional and plain with y'all before, but as I said, I have a short time left. There's no point taking these words with me to the grave. I don't have money and material possessions. See this as my gift to y'all. I MET GOD BECAUSE I MET YOU.

And as you go on, I'll simply repeat the words of Jesus. Be wise as serpents and gentle as doves.

John 2:23-25 (MSG version) says:

"During the time he was in Jerusalem, those days of the Passover Feast, many people noticed the signs he was displaying and, seeing they pointed straight to God, entrusted their lives to him. But Jesus didn't entrust his life to them. He knew them inside and out, knew how untrustworthy they were. He didn't need any help in seeing right through them."

People will always be people, fickle is the nature of man. I hope we find the comfort of the Spirit at moments when men disappoint and fail us. And when we're hurt, I hope we find it in us to be true bearers of Love, and forgive them their faults, because that's who we are.

Philippians  2:1-2
"If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies, Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind."

I'll miss you all.

I'm still that skinny human with the big smile. I cried but nothing can steal this smile.

With deep warmth from my heart, I LOVE YOU ALL.

😁😁😁😁