letters from mother (ON HOLD)

chapter 1: birthday mornings

"a drop in the ocean, a change in the weather.." I awoke to my favorite song being played on the teal clock radio that is sitting by my bed. I hit the off button, actually being excited that I am up at 5:45 am. "okay Norah you're 16. let's live it up." I laugh at myself knowing how totally untrue that was and duck out from under the board that is forever stained with blood as of 3 am this morning.
"morning butthead" Nell swings her feet over the side of the bed kicking me straight in the cut that had along with staining the board, had also stained my favorite sweatshirt. I groan in pain and she jumps on my back riding me just like a horse, or a donkey, an animal to which I compare myself to a lot. I put her down and she springs herself on to me and although it is very early she musters up the energy to yell a very peppy birthday congratulation into my ear. if you can't tell, Nell is the total opposite of me. apparently, according to my aunt, she is more like my dad and I am almost exactly like my mom. down to the sports that we play and the things that we say we are like the mini me's of them. I place her down gently and try to start getting dressed. "happy birthday Nellie-bear" I reply somewhat sleepily as she hurries around grabbing wrinkled uniform pants off the floor and throwing them on. "God Norah you could be a little more excited about being able to drive and stuff this is the best day of our lives! we get to actually do stuff and have a big party and.." she rambles on and on, her big brown eyes aglow with the brightness of her planned future that I still can't sort out. she finishes her ramble and skips down the hall kissing our now awakened aunt claire on the cheek. claire walks into our room sitting down with me as I pull my long black
hair into a pony tail. "morning birthday girl" she sits down next to me and looks at my cut knowing immediately what happened. "dreams again?" "yeah" I hang my head in shame, laying it on her shoulder. "they'll stop soon sweetie don't worry" she pats my head as a freshly prepared nell comes in humming softly. I sit up immediately not wanting to lead her onto anything as she doesn't know anything about my dreams. nell grabs her bag and runs downstairs to greet her boyfriend who just called for her to come downstairs. as soon as she left i rested my head back on my aunts shoulder and she started humming the song that my mom used to sing to us as babies when we were upset. I calm down quickly and walk downstairs where nell was already waiting with miles, our "cousin" (aunt claire was my moms best friend) who is also her boyfriend. "cmon slow poke it's time to go!" she runs outside with miles and gets in the car kissing him. her life was so perfect, she was the pretty twin, the star basketball player, she had tons of friends, was super friendly and had the perfect relationship. even though we are twins, we live in separate worlds.