Loved | •Pillars X Reader•

8. (Y/n)'s sorrow

Dear Kyojuro

It's been a week since I found out about your death. I still can't find the heart to open the letter you wrote to me.
But that brings me to this letter.
If you were here right now you'd know why I'm writing, yet it still doesn't feel right.
It made me feel better when I did it for my brother,
I hope this can help my grieving over you.

You know, you always made me feel weird. It's a nice feeling. I like it. It feels as if you're the only one who could make me feel this way, who can make me smile the way you do. Yet isn't it just cruel that you left me alone. All alone, without that warm and bubbly feeling ever again? Possibly to never feel it ever.
It's not your fault though, I'm just being selfish. It will never be your fault. If only I had been there.

If I were there would things of turned out differently? Could you still be here? I would of gladly died for you, even if it left you grieving for a lifetime, because I know you would always have a reason to smile. Even if it took you a while, you would still be able to make others smile.

You make me mad Kyo.
Mad that you're not here.
You weren't meant to die first, you were so strong! So positive, so happy. You had so much going for you. Then you just left, and never came back. You left me so alone, don't you feel bad at all?

I stay up late sometimes, hoping you come back. You'd walk into my room and say sorry for scaring me.

But that will never happen,

and I know that. That reality hurts me, so much that I lash out at people like tengen, who's trying to help me get past this. People like sanemi and giyuu who only remind me to do things. People I care about. I can't believe I've been so rude to

Hey kyo, If you were here you'd probably laugh and tell me I'm being silly, rights? Tell me I'm silly, we'd go on a mission and we would have fun. Don't you want that? You think I'm crazy for writing a letter to a dead person, don't you?

Rengoku kyojuro, you've stolen my heart and never returned it.
You mad we fall in love.
I love you.

-(l/n) (y/n)

The knocking on the door is getting louder and louder every second.

"C-Come in."

Ever since kyo has been gone I started to talk less, eat less, sleep less. I can't believe he had the audacity to do that to me. it is kind of my fault though! I wasn't there for him like I promised myself I would be, and look at me now.

"My wife! it's me tengen, just saying that kocho wants to talk to you! And she'll be really mad if you're late."

"Alright t-thank you for telling me tengen-san. Would y-you mind me asking you what you're doing n-now?"

Tengen doesn't seem like a Shinobi, he's so loud and out there. Tengen doesn't seem like a lot of people actually... he's just full of surprises.

"Just going to do some flamboyant training!"

"P-Please be careful then, I don't want you g-getting hurt."
Why is talking so hard? Why is it hard to do anything? I'm stuttering so much!
"Of course (y/n)-chan! I'll make sure to stay safe for you."

I miss his warmth, I'm so cold.... tengen...

"H-Hey umbefore you leave can i-I have a um h-hug please, I-I mean you don't have t-to if you don't want to b-but um..."

He just gave me a smile? Not one of his haha I'm better than you smiles, but a normal one. It reminds me of kyojuro.

"Of course! Anything for my forth wife."

He gave me a hug. I didn't think he would actually do that. Him being gentle is sort of creepy....

my face feels really red, and hot.how am I going to explain this to Shinobu

I should go to Shinobu now though, she just be wondering why I haven't seen her
Yet.

3rd person pov

The girl was a mess, her hair unkept, bags under her eyes, her clothes didn't match, her skin paled in comparison then it was a week ago.

Whenever she thought about him not being around anymore made her rather sick. How could someone she loved so dearly, Hurt her so much? How could she let herself become like this? She was a pillar, meant to be one of the strongest demon slayers! Yet she was so weak.

The girl looked outside, to see a butterfly on a wilted flower. But why was the butterfly on the flower? It has nothing to offer it, yet it's still there.

Knock knock!

"I'm coming in (y/n)-chan~!"

Shinobu looked as pretty as she always is, elegant as she always is. Though her smile looked as if she was ready to kill anyone any minute! Truly a deadly butterfly.

"Sorry I-I was about to go see you. But now that y-you're here, what did you want to see m-me about?"

(Y/n)'s voice was so quiet, so dull and weak. It was shaky, more than before. She didn't know why, was she scared? Sad? Angered? It sounded as if she would shatter at any minute.

"Ah yes, mitsuri and I decided to have a girls day out, and we both thought of inviting you!"

"It's f-fine Shinobu-chan, i-I'm a-"

"Nonsense! You've been in here for almost a whole week, you need to get out of here for it a bit!"

The girl couldn't argue with her. She was a doctor after all, more importantly she was her friend.

"Okay. I-I'll be out in a f-few minutes."

The short woman left with her usually smile. Hurriedly walking down the hallways to tell Mitsuri the good news.

Should I just wear my uniform? I can't be bothered choosing an outfit right now can I?

The girl sighed, she hasn't been bothered to do anything. She won't even go on missions anymore. Which made sanemi mad, why was everyone else doing so much work to keep everyone alive, while she just got to sulk in her room all day!

It truly disgusts him. 'How dare she sulk in her room all day while we're risking our lives?!' Is how it would usually go in his head. But others were a bit more understanding, even offering to spend time with the girl just to make her feel better, though she did turn down most of them. Only the occasional sit with giyuu or tengen.

The girl was brushing her hair when she saw some of the children at her estate training outside. How proud she was of them, but she was being awful to them. Most of the kids haven't seen her for a week. Hopefully they understand what's she's going through. Did she deserve their forgiveness?

You're so pathetic (y/n).