THIS. IS. WAR. (specops/anon X reader)

10- A Night To Remember

!!TW!! TALK OF SUICIDE/VIOLENCE/MURDER/SELF HARM

Hello Lovlies!

Thank you all for 6K!! I had no idea this was gonna blow up!

Anyways, this is the big chapter.. who did Winter choose?? You'll have to read to find out :P

One question for you guys- would you be down for different POV's? Maybe Malik's...? Comment your opinion!

Now to the chapter! Hope you guys enjoy it!

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My hand carefully circled the gleaming gold door handle, and turned it completely around. I took a deep breath, and pushed slowly on the door, praying that it wouldn't squeak. Luckily, it didn't squeak at all.

I needed to go to someone, I decided. I thought about my options. I could easily go into Malik's or Jaeden's room, or I could venture out and search for Fara. Fara would be hard to find, I thought. I was better off going to one of the boys. But which one?

I've never seen Malik's face before, and obviously he isn't wearing a mask to bed... would I be overstepping boundaries? But he looked so lost and helpless, I argued with myself. I want to help him.

On the other hand, I've already seen Jaeden's face.. and other things. It definately wouldn't overstep anything, but did I want to go to him? I didn't want to have sex with him, not when I feel like this. But what if he wanted it? Would he understand when I say no?

I sighed. This is all so much to handle. With the recent murders, my mind was just filled to the brim with negative thoughts, negative feelings. I felt like shit inside and out. Why does all of this hurt me so much? Why can't the police just open their minds to what they're doing? Why can't we just have peace? I needed to distract myself, get away from all of this.

My vision went blurry as my mind was bombarded with the crashing waves of my emotions. Tears rose in the back of my throat, threatening to destroy the thick mental wall I had built for them.

Suddenly, I was interrupted by sobs- sobs that weren't mine. I lifted my head and tried to pinpoint where the cries were coming from.

I realized that they were coming from Malik's room. I carefully walked over to his door, my feet making no sound on the soft carpet. I put my ear to the door and was surprised to hear a voice that was soothing Malik's cries- as I listened more, I realized that it was Jaeden's voice.

"M, I know. I know it's bad. But you need to be strong for me right now, okay?"

Jaeden's voice faltered, as if he was about to cry as well. My own tears rised up my throat again as I realized how broken Jaeden and Malik really were- it wasn't just me.

"M, please don't ever think those thoughts again, okay? Please, we need you here," Jaeden was rasping for air now, trying to stop the tsunami of tears his eyes held.

"You're loved by so many, man, okay? I love you," his voice cracked on the word "love", and I heard two sobs as Jaeden stopped talking.

After a minute of crying, I heard Jaeden's voice again, this time softer.

"Malik, just know that you're like a brother to me, and I can't bear to see you like this, man. Please talk to me if you feel like this again, cause I'm here. I'm right here, M."

It went quiet for a minute, and the sobs stopped. I heard the rustling of sheets and footsteps. Footsteps towards the door. SHIT!

I raced as quietly as possible to the kitchen, pretending I had just gotten hungry and needed a midnight snack.