Lonely Again

four

"First of all, I'm so sorry." she sighed while I stay still. "I know you have an idea why I'm saying sorry but Garrett you were gone for too long. I feel so lonely."

She hold my hand. She look so much in pain, but why? It should be the other way around. I am supposed to be in pain, not her. She couldn't be, she's the one breaking me here.

"Enika please. Don't do this to me." But no matter what, I am really this fool. I'm still holding on to hope. "You should know by now that I am the one for you. You know about the Professor, he's not gonna take you seriously but me, we have plans, I am here now, I'm not gonna leave you again."

"Garrett, listen to me. I know this is my fault. I know you see me with him doing God know what that night. And you should take it as a sign that it is the end for us. I give you time to think but now I'm saying that we're really over."

A single tear fell from my eyes and it follow by another.

"Don't do this to me, please. You're breaking me."

"I'm so sorry, Garrett. But please, Don't do this to yourself. You still the best man for me but shit happened and I fall in love with the wrong guy, you can't blame me for my foolishness but you can blame me for cheating on you. I understand, but when you're gone, he's been there for me. I'm sorry I messed up."

She hold my hand more tighter.

"Enika, I'm willing to take you back. Please, let us be back to where we used to be." I look at her with my blurred vision. I'm crying too much for today, I know it's not so manly but I didn't care. "I can forget everything, just don't do this."

"I'm sorry Garrett but I'm really breaking up with you."

"What's wrong with me? What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing. You were perfect, it's just me. I fell out of love."

"Why didn't you say anything that we have a problem before? Why just now? Why now?" I slightly lost my mind and shout at her. The loud stereo and the loud noises of the people outside suddenly felt so silence and only our voices filled the corner of the room.

"I'm really sorry." She avoid my gaze and look at my feet instead.

"Tell me, what did I do wrong? I devoted myself to you the whole time we're together. The two years we're apart, I remain faithful but why are you doing this?"

"I'm sorry." She release her hold on me and run out of the room.

I guess, that's it.

I felt that my knee are about to give up so I let myself fell on the bed. I feel the soft matress when I sit but my whole being felt so heavy.

For I don't know how long I'm sitted on the bed and for how long I'm looking at space. But even for how many hours when our conversation ended same as our relationship ended, I still feel so broken. I still feel the lingering emotion runs down from my body. It should be emotionally painful but I don't know if I should laugh at the physical pain hammering my being. It's silly yet I still want the physical pain clouding me than a broken heart.

I hear the noise of door opening for a moment then it closed after. I didn't look though because I don't care anymore. I just felt a presence that someone enter the room.

"Hey man, I saw Enika leave with Mr. Revano. The party's already ended, since you are nowhere to be found earlier. When I saw her with the Professor while holding each other's hand I know something happened, I figured you wanted some time alone so I didn't look for you. But man, it's already three in the morning. You need to rest." I recognize Jeremy's voice but I didn't look at him. I remain gazing at my front.

"Just get some sleep, okay. I'm not gonna interrupt you for today because I know you have a lot in mind already." After that I hear the opening and close of the door again.

I lay down my body on the bed completely. The moment when my back touches the softness of the bed I felt so tired. Tired for a long day and it's so much for me to take. If ever I am dreaming, I want to wake up. I want the bad dream to disappear because I realize I am a man who gives his all. And when everything fall apart, the only left for me is my shattered heart.