The Faeries of Dulwich Woods

Chapter 17. Without Love, It Ain't Much

The elves guided their grasshoppers through the open sash and up the folds of the curtains to the pelmet above; this made a perfect vantage point to survey the room.

'Your plan, brother?' muttered Tegbir as Mrs Johnson put down her teapot and rearranged the sandwich pile while Major Johnson devoted himself to polishing the buckles of Puck's black and silver boots.

'We could combine our powers and use a binding spell to immobilise Puck, at which point the three mortals are sure to attack us. A tricky situation, as we must endeavour not to injure them,' said Caradoc thoughtfully.

'Endeavour not to? I think you mean 'won't'!' said Avery stoutly, 'I'm here to rescue my mother, uninjured and in one piece! Is there a better plan?' Caradoc merely raised an eyebrow at her and continued thinking aloud.

'We could lure the mortals from the room one by one, stupefy them and place them in a wardrobe for safety. We then launch a surprise attack on Puck. I've changed my mind about a binding spell; Puck's strength poses too great a risk. Our strongest sleeping bolt will be more efficient and safer for all. What say you, my brother?'

'I will follow your lead, Caradoc. Shall we descend and guard the door?' asked Tegbir. Avery's jaw tightened as her mother toyed with Puck's wild, chestnut mane with affectionately.

'Yes, quickly while the lady keeps Pucks distracted,' said Caradoc, spurring his grasshopper down the edge of the curtain. At the halfway point it made a heart-stopping, gigantic leap onto the gilt frame of a nearby portrait. From there it sprang onto a lavish wall lantern, then with another mighty bound, it came to rest on a massive oil painting hanging over the fireplace. Tegbir followed closely behind, highly amused at the sight of Avery's mother plaiting Puck's tumbling locks into corn-rows.

'You have the most wonderful hair, Robin. I love it and I love you. I love every. Little. Single. Thing. About you!' she said, emphasising each word with a loving kiss on his cheek.

'I know you do,' came the self-satisfied reply 'You really can't help yourself, can you, my sweet mortal? I'm irresistible, and I must say, you're quite irresistible too. You sing as sweetly as a nightingale.' He gobbled another sandwich as Mum got up and struck a theatrical pose, with one arm over her forehead like a heroine in a cheesy soap opera.

'Oh, Robin, you are irresistible!' she declared, 'You're my heart and soul, my only reason for living!' She turned and rushed at the window, gazing outside with a doleful expression. 'If you should break with me...I'd be distraught! You're my whole world and nothing else matters.' Mum turned away with her hands clasped to her bosom, 'Say that you love me Robin – promise that you'll never leave me!' Puck slathered a scone with cream and jam and stuffed it into his mouth.

'I love you and I'll never leave you,' he mumbled with his cheeks full of food. 'You have the prettiest nose I've ever seen and (more importantly) your piano playing is crucial to the rock opera that I work so hard on every night. Come away from the window, my lovely, we don't want any nosy neighbours to spot you. They might even try to steal you away from me.'

Avery's mother spun around and threw herself to the floor in a fit of melodrama, grabbing Puck's hands and covering them with fervent kisses.

'Robin, Robin, Robin, you are the only one for me, now and forever. I adore you.' Puck patted his corn-rows smugly.

'I am charming, aren't I, in every sense of the word. Now be a pet and fetch me the hand mirror that I left on the chimney-piece. I want to see if my corn-rows look better than rapper (and Pulitzer Prize winner) Kendrick Lamar's.'

'At once, my darling, although you are much, much more handsome and way more talented than he is,' Mum replied, releasing Puck's hand reluctantly. Puck shooed her away with a waggle of his fingers. She went over to the fireplace, ignoring Major Johnson who was cleaning Puck's boots like a shoe-polishing automaton. As she reached for the enamelled hand mirror, Tanguy who had been unusually placid throughout this strange adventure, began to wriggle and whine as he recognised her. Avery was filled with dread as she struggled to control the excited dog.