The End Of Us || losers club ✔️

twelve

Dear mom,

It's your son! Surprise!

That sounded insensitive, I'm sorry. But I bet you've had a lot of surprises these past few days. I'm also sorry for that. I'm sorry for everything. I really hope you don't hate me.

You already know of everything that happened. You and dad found her, right? I didn't know you'd go to Eds house. We didn't think anyone would. I'm sorry you had to see that. I never intended for you and dad to ever see what we did.

I bet you had an idea something was off that night. I didn't mean to scare you when I came home. Mike was rushing all of us and I guess I forgot to stay quiet. Well, I'm quiet now. The car is quiet, too.

Tell Sharon I'm sorry we stole her car. Mike's truck was too small and too far away. Bill's house was just a few blocks down the street. Also tell her it's my fault Bill got caught. Or lost. We don't know where he is. Ben refuses to turn the car around. Same with Beverly and Stanley, we don't know where they are. It's my fault anyway. I'm the one that should be locked up. The others should get a chance at life. Not me, though.

I'm also sorry for crying. I know you and dad told me to be strong when I was a kid, to not let crying take over having fun. Maybe that was your way of shutting me up. And I'm not having fun either. I really just wanna go home. Stanley says

Stanley said he also wanted to go home, too. Too late for that now, huh?

I didn't mean for things to turn out the way they did, mom. I really didn't. We weren't even supposed to go Eddie's house in the first place. Everything's blurry, I don't remember much. Is that bad? I'm not sure.

Everything is messy, mom. Too messy for me to handle anymore.

I still wish Bill were here. He'd know what to do. Same with you, you always knew what to do.

I miss you mom. If that's okay.

I really hope you and dad don't hate me. I don't know what I would do if you did. I'm surprised Eds doesn't hate me. I'm surprised none of my friends hate me, we've been fighting a lot. I don't think we're gonna stay friends for long. But what else are we supposed to do?

I feel so hopeless. I can't do shit to make people feel better. I feel awkward making jokes, Beverly isn't here to laugh when I do, Stanley isn't here, Bill isn't here, Mike and Ben are being so distant it feels like they're not even here. Eddie's been so so so fucking quiet, and I honestly don't blame him.

I'm alone, mom.

But I probably deserve it. You saw what we did. What I did. I wouldn't be shocked if this was the universes way of punishing me.

Mike said I'm writing too much. He didn't think this letter was a good idea. But if you do turn this into the police, it won't give away anything they don't already know. Plus, can't do shit without a return address.

So, I'm going to drop this letter off at the first post office or mailbox we see. Which might be a while. You might here for me again, you might not. I don't know.

Thanks for listening, not like you had much of a choice. Unless you stopped at dear mom. Then I would've been talking to myself for the past eleven paragraphs. Not much of a difference anyway.

I still love you. I hope you are still okay with calling me your son.

- Rich T