This Summer (DMBB Spin-off)

Chapter 15: I'm Already On The Highway To Hell

"Don't hold me 'cause I am falling back down
And I wouldn't wanna see you hit the ground
Well little darling you found my heart in the lost and found
But the scars they still follow me around."

Song: Don't Hold Me - Dean Lewis

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15. I'm Already On The Highway To Hell

I spent the remainder of the day in my bed. I was too tired, angry, and embarrassed to face everyone.

Jacob.

Oh God, I still remember the look of confusion and pity that clouded his face when he put two and two together. He probably thought the worst of me now.

While I was thinking somebody knocked.

I assumed it was Renée and sighed. "Do you really need to be in here? I want to be alone."

I expected a sarcastic or witty remark, but the knock just came again.

I pulled myself out of bed and trudged to the door, opening it. "Renée I-"

Not Renée.

I walked back to my bed and sat on it, my eyes never leaving the floor. "What do you want?"

"To talk," Shawn said. "May I?"

I scooted over and he sat down beside me.

"Shayley I-"

"You told me," I cut him off. "You told me I was going down a dangerous road, you even offered to help, but I said no. You did what you could, so don't come here and apologize. Don't say that you're sorry, whether you're sorry for yourself or you're sorry for me. That just makes me feel more shitty than I already do, as impossible as that might seem."

He nodded at my rant. "Okay, I won't apologize for anything. But I will say that you can't stay mad forever. I'm always going to be there to help you know, we all are."

I wasn't ready to give it up...

I sighed. "I know, and believe it or not that's the worst part about all this."

These people, for some reason, all thought I was worth saving. But that wasn't true. At this point I was far from redemption, and there was no reward in trying.

"Come back," was all he said. "You feel like you're slipping away, but I'm telling you to come back. If not for yourself, then for everyone who would be devastated if they lost you."

I chuckled sourly. "What do you know about loss?"

"Too much," he said, pain in his voice.

I mentally slapped myself. Of course, his mom. He didn't talk about it often, which was perfectly understandable, but he had had his own fair share of being knocked down by life. Maybe that's why he tried to understand me and keep my secret. Because to me, facing my problems meant I had to recognize that I was weak.

"Sorry," I said. "That was stupid of me to say."

"People carry pain around for a long time Shayley," he told me. "You've got to find a way to let yours go, so that those who care about you don't have to go through that too."

I stayed silent for a few seconds, and then I nodded. "Thank you."

"You don't have to-"

"Yes I do," I said.

He smiled, and then got up. "Now, I have one very unhappy girlfriend and I need you to go talk to her so she can kiss me again."

I chuckled. "I will, maybe not today, but I will."