This Summer (DMBB Spin-off)

Chapter 33: Tell Me To Stay

"You should let me love you
Let me be the one to
Give you everything you want and need."

Song: Let Me Love You ~ Mario

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33. Tell Me To Stay

Jacob's POV

We're not together?

We're not together?!

After basically getting what might have been the best nap of my life in her arms she tells me that we're not together?

What did she want? Why did she let in the insecurities that knocked at her door?

Why couldn't she see that I was in love with her?

Did I just not tell her enough? Maybe I didn't show it. The past couple of days had been confusing for both of us, I know, but I didn't think she'd come to the conclusion that we were nothing to each other.

I just didn't know how much energy I had left to keep doing the same dance with her. She loved like she was a wave - one minute she came crashing towards you, only to pull back the next. Like the tides, she had her highs and her lows. And like the phenomenon she was, I understood that only she could love with a force as powerful as gravity.

However, she didn't think that I would always want her. That bothered me...a lot.

I've basically loved her forever, what makes her think that I can't love her for forever more?

We both slip up, and she thinks I take that as a cue to walk away. It wasn't her fault, I know that. She'd been through hell so often that she couldn't recognize what heaven felt like. She was a perfectly imperfect mess and I wouldn't change her for anything.

But she didn't believe me, and that made me feel like shit.

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair as I stepped into the diner. When Jessica told me Shayley wanted to stay at the ranch I didn't even hesitate to turn and go back on my own. I wonder what could have triggered those feelings. I knew she was surviving with depression, and so most times I didn't question how she felt. She couldn't help it. But then there were other times like now when something would push her to push me away.

As soon as I walked into the place, I went towards Cathy. I grabbed her arm and pulled her away to talk to her in private.

"Ow, gosh Jacob you have a painful grip," she complained, rubbing her arm.

I sighed. "Cathy, what did you say to her?"

"To who?"

"Shayley," I answered. "What did you say to Shayley?"

Cathy shrugged. "Nothing, we just had a normal conversation and that's about it."

"Cathy..." I trailed, knowing there was more to it.

She sighed. "Fine, I just told her it's in your best interest to let you do what you want to do."

"And how do you know what I want to do?" I asked, somewhat annoyed.

"I don't," she simply replied. "The only thing I do know is that you like to find reasons to not put yourself first. Am I lying Jacob?"

I hesitated. She wasn't exactly wrong. But this was different.

"Shayley is a more than good enough reason," I told her. "And she's not an excuse if I do decide not to go. If that's the decision I come to, then it will be because I made it, based on how I feel."