No escape

Chapter eight

I had been moping around my dorm for four days now. I didn't want to go back to class yet. I asked Ellie to help me go to office and tell them I was still having a family emergency. I knew this had to end anytime soon and I had to be back to college and face reality. I had missed so much already while I was taking care of my dad. I wondered why this had to happen immediately. I had just started feeling hopeful again and now I was too broken to do anything. It's been just four days but I was already losing weight and some of my clothes were getting lose now. Lara had made it clear that she was tired of my moping and I decided that it was enough too. It's not like I didn't see it coming. I just kept believing that I could change him. I would make him love me. All those hopes were shattered now. I didn't have the will power to try anymore. There is nothing more I could give to him that could make him completely mine and I surely didn't want to be one of those girls he screwed and tossed away. I think I'm ready to let him go now. I smiled while I looked at myself in the dressing mirror. It is the first time I was getting out of my room since Saturday. I was now looking better physically but I was still so broken on the inside. I picked my backpack and went to Ellie's place. He had to help me catch up with a few things he hadn't discussed for me yet. I was going back to college the next day but I was a little nervous. I thought I was not yet ready to go because I could easily run into Austin, Tirzah or there friends. I didn't want to see any of there friends because that would bring back the image that I've been trying really hard to forget. After I felt contented in all fields, Ellie took me to our favorite eating place. He was really trying hard to cheer me up just like everyone else. I have been so hard on them and I think it's high time I got back on track. It's not like they didn't look out for me. I've been hardly talking to anyone and my phone has been off since Saturday. I didn't want Austin calling and making petty excuses. I didn't want to hear his endless seemingly sincere apologies. Maybe I do been blind all this time but not anymore.
I woke up to my alarm the next morning. It's not like I needed it anyway because I hardly slept last night. I was tossing and turning the whole night. I was very nervous to go to college. I was more nervous than I was on the first day. When I had everything ready, I felt like I could use one more day before I could go back but Ellie didn't let me think twice before he knocked on my door and dragged me out while I pleaded for an extra day. He knew I would chicken out in the morning and I dodge class once again.  I couldn't stop complaining all the way to class but he was just giggling. I hit him playfully with a book when we finally took our usual sits. It seemed like forever since I was last in class. I closed my eyes getting ready to face this day through to the very end. "This is it." I mumured to myself. "It feels like a new beginning," I said to Ellie. I was watching people around campus through the window like I did every morning when I was early to class. "It should be that way Harley. I really miss seeing the jolly you. Just tell me what to do to make you feel better. You know my knuckles are itching to touch that guy's face." He paused and took my hand in his squeezing it. " Don't you dare start up a fight Ellie. He is really not worth the trouble." I said smiling. "This is the best friend I missed. I feel like I have waited forever to hear you say those words." He teased. We continued joking about everything till the professor came in. I had so many people welcoming me back and saying that they missed me. Some asked me about Austin but I kept changing the subject. Maybe I was ready to pretend like I'm fine and do all activities I used to do but I was not ready to talk about Austin. I felt a pang of pain everytime I heard his name. The pain was unbearable at first but I'm learning to live with it now. The day went more smoothly than I actually thought it would go. I didn't run into any of Tirzah or Austin's friends. My friends didn't leave my side all the time apart from a few classes we didn't share.
The rest of the week was smooth and the pain was slowly fading away. I knew I wouldn't heal right away but I was ready to take baby steps. The fact that I hardly collided with anyone or something that would remind me of Austin was helping so much. I had avoided going out all weekend and attending any parties since I could easily collide with Austin. I had not switched on my phone since Saturday. I had been communicating to my parents using Lara's phone. At first they were curious as to why I turned off my phone. But when I told them it got a minor problem and it could be fixed they let it go. "Ok Harley I know you're trying so hard to move on and I'm really proud of you but it's high time you switched on your phone. You can always block Austin's calls or let me take his calls and I deal with him." Lara whined trying to snatch the phone away from me. She has been pushing me to do things and I act like I'm mad at her sometimes but I'm really grateful for she is the greatest part of my healing. I would probably still be weeping every single day and I wouldn't be able to eat if it were not for her. I have been holding it since I left church this morning but I couldn't find the courage to switch it on. I was scared that if I switched it on and I found no texts or voicemails from Austin, I would break all over again. And I was scared too that if I hear his voice, I wouldn't be able to help myself. I might end up forgiving him like I did all those other times. I was also scared that if I don't forgive him I'll hate him. I didn't want to hate him but I couldn't make him a friend either. Such things would make me want to cry again. I wonder if it's only me who finds it so harsh to lose someone. I handed my phone to Lara and asked, "why does it hurt so much even now that I know he is not worth it?" I wanted to cry once again but I didn't want to waste more tears on him. I often convinced myself that he is not worth it but there are days when the pain comes rushing all back because of the memories. "This is why I told you to go out often Harley so that you get enough distractions. The more you think  about it the more you won't get over it. Anyway I'm switching this on and you are not turning it off." Lara said. I nodded and stared into the space trying to blink away the tears which were threatening to fall now.
I had told Harley to erase the messages but she declined saying that I didn't have to view them unless I felt ready.
I was now staring into the window on a monday morning. Today was one of those days that I didn't want to do anything. Ellie had called me and informed he wouldn't be coming because he has a cold. I knew today was going to be harsh since Lara and the twins had loads of assignments to complete too. This was going to be the first day I'm completely alone. I didn't grasp anything from the first period and I knew it was a waste of time coming to college. I texted Ellie too inform him that I was cutting the next class because I'm not feeling well. He said it was fine he would get someone to go thorough it for both of us. I ran into Tirzah while I sauntered to my dorm. Of course I knew I couldn't avoid them forever. I just wished she could completely ignore me but there was no such a chance. "Hey Harley. It looks like you're cutting class." She said. "I'm not feeling well thank you. If you don't mind would you excuse me?" I asked politely. "I really don't mind. It was nice talking to you again." She said smiling extending her arm which I completely ignored and walked away. I rushed to my dorm not wanting to breakdown in front of her. I had been preparing for this moment but I can't deny the fact that I felt the pain rushing back as the image of her bent over the coach came rushing back. I hated her for acting like we were old friends and that everything is ok between us. Doesn't she have any shame I wondered slamming the door. I took a glass of cold juice to cool myself down. I felt like I should go back and confront her. Why should I be the one to hide yet I'm the victim. I picked the key ready to go after her but when I opened the door, I felt my heart get ripped out of my chest.
Austin was standing right there with his hand raised ready to know and Tirzah was standing next to him. I wanted to slum the door in there faces but I knew they wouldn't leave me. They must have been looking for an opportunity to find me alone and toment me. I honestly don't think that they came to talk especially after what they did to me. I stepped out of the door and closed it after me making it clear to them that I was not intending to let them in. " What are you doing here?" I asked. "Can we please first get in. We can't talk from here," Austin said. "You know that's not happening." I ranted. "I don't think you want all this attention," he said looking around. I looked around and discovered that we were attracting many people already. I didn't want any kind of attention so I opened the door rolling my eyes. Once we were inside I stood by the door and waited for them to speak. "We are really sorry Harley," they both said in unison. "Ok, if that's all you have to say then you can take a leave," I mumbled. Tirzah came to me and took my hand. "Look Harley, I told you this was bound to happen. I didn't want to do this to you because you are likeable but I gave you a chance to stop it. Anyway I really came here to say sorry. I don't want you to hate me like all those girls that Austin toyed with. That's all I had to say. I guess I should leave you two alone," she said and kissed my cheek leaving me with Austin. I kept looking at the door where she had disappeared. I didn't know whether to hate, understand or forgive her. I started feeling sorry for her. Why does do this to herself. Why does she let Austin do all these things to her. I turned and looked at Austin who was looking confused. When I saw him coming closer to where I was standing with a cocky grin plastered on his face, I knew what he was about to do. He knew that grin got me weak in my knees. I had doubted the healing I have undergone all this time but watching Austin so sure of himself, my hurting is replaced with anger. I pushed myself off the wall as my palm collided with his face. I slapped him really hard that the skin in my palm was heating and very itchy after breaking the connection with his jaw. I felt a little contented but I needed more release. I knew he wouldn't let me hit him again but at least I felt a lot better. "What the.." he paused massaging his cheek that I do just slapped. I turned and went to the door and I opened it widely for him to get out but he refused and he insisted that he was only getting out after I had talked to him. I didn't want Lara to find him here so I accepted to talk to him. "Ok make it quick," I said sitting as far as I could from him. I didn't want him taking any chance to make a move on me. I may feel disgusted and angry at him but I know if we made physical contact, it would take every ounce of energy I have to resist him. "I was really frustrated that day Harley. Believe me I didn't intend to cheat on you. I would never have done that if you hadn't lied to me that you were not coming," He grumbled. "Are you being serious? You can't blame me, I'm the victim." I yelled. I couldn't help it I was so angry right now. I can't believe he is saying it's my fault. "Yes, everything is entirely your fault Harley. If you had just told me you were coming I would have waited for you. At least I would have waited for once in my life. I would forego Tirzah for you. You're my new priority," he said coming closer. I started freaking out because he was now acting like a psycho. "I don't care whose fault you think this is but you need to get out right now. Nothing matters to me now. All that matters is that you cheated on me and you were just playing with me all this time round. I was never your priority. It was always Tirzah. I just don't the understand why you make her go through all that. Your just incapable of loving and I wonder why it took me all this time to understand that. But don't worry now I do understand it perfectly. I can now see through all the lies you told me. I know you have been sleeping with Tirzah all this time. All those family emergencies you faked, I know you were out of town with Tirzah and all your friends. I know it all. People have been telling me but I loved you so much to believe any of it but I'm not that girl anymore. You had your chance and you screwed it. I won't deny that I still love you. But right now my hatred for you is much more than the love I've for you. I despise you Austin. There is nothing you will ever say or do that will make me come back to you," I blurted. There was someone at the door and I went to open. It was Lara and she looked like she had seen a ghost. "You again?" She said shaking her head in disbelief and turned to me. "Harley, what are trying to do to yourself?" She said shaking me vigorously. "You don't have to worry Lara I was just showing him out," I said dragging Austin out of the room. "Make sure you don't show your face here ever again if you don't want to get punched again. My knuckles are in a pretty good shape right now," Lara said banging her books onto the table.
"What was that?" I asked Lara  immediately Austin left. "What was what about?" She asked perturbed. "You told Austin you wouldn't mind punching him again. Wait, don't tell me you got that bruise on you knuckles because..." I squealed while Lara completed the sentence for me. " I punched him and I wanted him to start up trouble and I do it again," she said giggling. I wondered if all my friends fancied punching since it's what Ellie talks about.
Austin made more attempts to woo me again but however much it was tempting, I did all I could to resist his charm.
As weeks passed, I became more and more lively. Austin's attempts to get me back were also reduced. One evening I was at a bar with Ellie when Austin walked in. He was looking really elegant but that was all he looked like to me now. He smiled when he spotted me and I smiled back. I was over everything now and it didn't hurt anymore when I saw him. Even the anger was gone now and I could manage to smile back at him. I guess I had forgiven him for what he did to me but I was still trying to forget. I was actually friends with Tirzah too. She was actually a fun person to hang out with and I was grateful she never brought up the things that happened ever again. Ellie and Lara were still holding onto the grudge though. I always told them it was fine but they always despised him especially Lara who already hated him months before I met him.
Ellie asked me out for a dance but I declined. I was really not in the mood for dancing. I told him I would be fine sitting and he joined the crowd. "I see you're very happy without me," Austin's deep voice startled me. He used this chance to come and talk to me. He knew better now than to come to talk to me when any of my friends was around. He took the seat where Ellie was seated and stared directly in my eyes. I smiled and took a sip of my drink. "It's great you know that," I said putting down my drink. "I'm not a selfish bastard so yes I know that and I'm genuinely happy for you. So do you mind if we just only one dance?" He asked. "What makes you think I want to dance with you of all people in club?" I questioned him raising my eyebrows. "You know the reason. I can still see the glow in your eyes when you're talking to me. I can still feel you fighting hard to resist me," he said trying to inch his face closer. "Wow, your still that arrogant bastard after all," I laughed sarcastically pushing his face back and getting up. I know Austin was just trying to get under my skin but he was failing miserably.
I got out to catch some fresh air. This is the reason I hate clubbing,  I hate it when you come with people and they all disappear and you're left all alone. The only option I have to deal with this is getting out and stare at the stars while catching on some fresh air. Austin came following me and gave me a drink. "Don't you think it's too late for you to act like a gentleman?" I said rolled my eyes. "It's worth the try though," he smirked. He told me he was not going to leave me unless I accepted his drink. I told him I was already feeling tipsy and I was not planning on getting drunk this night but he kept forcing it on me. He tried to bring it to my lips and make me drink it but was interrupted by someone. "She said she is not interested," the words sounded firm and final. "Who the fuck are you?" Austin asked. "I'm the guy who is going to punch you right in the face if you don't let her be" he said pointing to me. I turned to see who was defending me and I was astonished. "It's you again," I said smiling. I couldn't forget those emerald eyes. Austin looked from me and him confused. "You know this guy?"  He asked. "Yes she knows me. Actually I was looking for you. Come let's go," he said grabbing my hand and taking me with him. I turned back just before disappearing at the corner to check on Austin but he stood there blank. When Austin was out of sight, I pulled my hand away from the stranger. "What do you think your doing? You can't just drag me with you. I don't even know your name," I whined. He smiled and I remembered his tantalizing smile from the night he first saved me from that drunkard. I frowned when he continued smiling. After several seconds without him saying a word, I knew he was not planning to say anything so I continued. "You're not going to just smile while I'm queralling at you." He burst out laughing and I wondered what was so funny. I turned to go back to the club but he stopped me. "Why do you love hanging out of the club alone in the night? You know that is so careless of someone especially when they don't know any defense mechanism," He remarked. "I do know how to defend myself." I stated and continued to walk away but he pulled me back. "You should at least thank me for saving you twice. You don't know what was in that drink. I watched you while you entered and I watched you when that guy came to talk to you. I knew something as I watched your exchange. When you got out, he put something in your drink that's why I followed him. I had stayed away when you declined it but when he tried to make you drink it, I wouldn't let him do it. God knows what he was planning to do." He paused pushing his arms into his pockets  leaning against a wall. I was forced to check him out and I swallowed hard taking him in. He had very strong mascular legs. I let my eyes travel up to his chest and his face. "I have just told you that you were in great danger and all you are going to do is check me out. I'm flattered by the way." He said giggling. "Keep wishing that I was checking you out," I screeched. "Anyway thank you for saving me out there. I knew Austin's cheap tricks but I didn't know he could stoop that low. I'm Harley by the way," I said extending my arm. "I'm Kay and I'm glad to save a careless teenager once again," he said taking my hand. I tried to squeeze his hand for insulting me but his hands were very strong. I gave up after several attempts.  He asked me if still wanted to hang out at the club but I said I needed to go get some rest. I called Ellie and informed him I was leaving. Kay walked me back to my dorm and he asked for my number before he left.

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