No escape

Chapter sixteen

I thought I had felt it all when I called things off with Austin but the pain I felt when Kayden said it's over couldn't be compared to anything. I felt a piercing pain in my chest. The pain was so concentrated and agonizing. I was numb and I couldn't feel anything. I cried until I couldn't breath. I looked ragged but I didn't give a damn. I couldn't even bring myself to eat anything but I always threw up. I couldn't stop crying because my mouth couldn't explain how broken my heart was and only my eyes could. The sad part was that I was nearing to exam time and I couldn't risk skipping any class or discussion. I was so miserable and I never spoke to anyone unless it was really important. I could count the words I said a day. There is no single day I raised a hundred words that's how quiet I had grown. There is no single day I didn't text Kay or call him. I hated Austin so much that I could puke when I saw him. He tried to act concerned at first but when be realized how much I hated him, he kept his distance. I wish he had just got that signal right away, none of this would have happened.
I had two weeks to prepare for the examinations but when the day came, I felt like I was not ready at all. I was feeling so exhausted and blank. I didn't understand why it still hurt so damn much even after fourteen days. It felt like yesterday. I walked to the exam room and took the seat designated to me. I stared at the paper right infront of me and all I could see was Kayden's name. I traced the letters of his name as I felt the tears starting to form. I didn't know I was crying till the invigilator came to me and asked if I was doing ok. I nodded as I snapped back to reality. I was in an exam and I hadn't written anything yet. I looked around the room and everyone was so taken up by the paper in front of them. I panicked as I searched for the clock since of course I hadn't carried my watch. It was already forty minutes past the starting time and I was a slow writer. "Damn," I cursed as I flipped the papers to start writing. I was grateful that this was my easiest paper so I could rush while doing it and still make it but I knew I wasn't going to be able to raise the kind of grades I like. I was glad I almost finished the paper despite my speed. I was remaining with quarter a number when time got done. I hated not finishing up but I could do with that. I walked straight to the library after the paper. I didn't want the same thing happening again and I needed to push myself now more than before. I dont know what would have happened if someone hadn't walked up to me.
I tried as much as I could not to be distracted but thoughts of Kay kept creeping in occasionally.
                           ***
I had finished all my examinations but I was not ready to go home. I was not ready to face Kayden. How could I even be able to look at him when my heart was bleeding for him. "What if he had already moved on?" I shivered at the thought. "What are you going to do girl?" Lara asked once we were both packing up. "I really don't know, I'm going to stay with Skylar and Sherry for the mean time since they are not leaving until next week," I said. "I wish I could do something to help you girl. But I know Kay still loves you. He was just caught off guard and he was really disappointed in you. He loved you so much to just let go of you. He is just angry and that anger will eventually vanish especially when he sees you like that. He will know just how much he hurt you and that anger he has got will dissolve. You can't blame him though he got you walking out you ex boyfriend's apartment a day after be found you kissing. I know your going to be fine girl. You just have to give it time," She said taking a seat beside me. "It's been seven weeks Lara, what if he is already moving on. What if he will never believe that I did nothing with Austin. What will I do then. I miss him so much Lara and I'm hurting so bad. Sometimes I feel like I won't make it through the day without him. I feel like I can't breath anymore because it's painful to breath. Lara, what should I do. Please talk to him Lara. I'm afraid I might die if he can't have me back," I sobbed into Lara's shoulder. "Don't say that Harley, your much stronger than that. I'm sure Kayden just gave you a little space so that you can make up your mind. He needed to be sure he is the one you want. You can cry as much as you want but don't give up. Kay still loves you even when he is really furious with you," Lara said soothingly.
She left that evening and I tucked away everything carefully before leaving for Sherry and Skyalar's. "You look like shit girl, what's with those eyes by the way? Have you been crying again?" Skylar inquired. "It doesn't matter, what are we going to do tonight?" I asked. "That guy is really something. I can't believe he has the power to make you this moody for weeks now. We are going to some party across town anyway. Are you in?" She asked hopefully. I didn't want them to worry so much about me so I agreed even though all I wanted to do was lie in my bed and cry my eyes out. "Now that's the you I know," they both screamed in unison.
                       ***
"Are you now ready to go home?" Sherry asked the night before we had to all leave for home. I had already asked them to stay for one more day because I was not yet ready to go home. I felt ready but I was really nervous and I thought I could use one more day but I knew they were excited to go home since their aunty was having wedding preparations. I couldn't be that selfish they had already stayed for a full week just to give me company. "We can always stay in case you want more time to prepare," she added when I was not responding. "No, you really don't have to do that. I know just how much you're elated to help your aunty with her wedding so I can't hold you back. I'm ready to go home," I said smiling so that she could believe me. "Are you sure?" She asked concerned. "Yes I'm really sure. I'm just a little nervous. But I'm sure I will be ok," I said. "If you are sure then it is ok. You can rest now, I'll just go help Skylar arrange everything," she said standing up. I remained in bed but I kept tossing and turning till I gave up on sleeping. I went and joined Skylar too. Once we were done organising everything, we sat and talked till late. We actually fell asleep while we were talking. I woke up first and packed my stuff, I found calls from my mum and I tried calling her back but she was not picking. I bet she was telling me that they were on the way. I rushed to the shower and made it as quick as I could. Skylar was awake by the time I was out and she tried to force me into wearing makeup but I declined till she gave up. Sometimes I was glad I was going through a tough time because no one would force me into anything I didn't want. I knew Skyalar couldn't drop the argument until I had agreed to put some make up but she had to drop it because she was afraid I might get upset and moody all over again. I smiled once she left and I dressed. I didn't feel like putting on anything so I decided to put on super shorts and tank crop top. I displayed so much skin but I really didn't care since I was going home and I was using a private car. I sat infront of the mirror and I convinced myself that I could do just fine. "Harley, someone is here to pick you?" Sherry said. I noticed her shaky voice and I wondered why she felt uncomfortable with whoever had come to pick me up. I laughed when I recalled that she was afraid of my dad. "Sherry you such a..." I felt my lips and throat go dry as I stared at Kayden. My laughter died out and my face flashed with total embarrassment. I don't know why I felt like I had to change my outfit when Kayden had seen me with nothing on. "Am sorry, I'll just change." I said rushing back to the room. "Harley, don't act ridiculous. I think I have seen the whole of you. You don't have to pretend like your so consciuos around me. We really have to go because I have got loads of work to do," He said coldly. I felt the urge to cry but I couldn't just breakdown on day one. I needed to show him that I'm not affected by his cold tone. It was like a night mare though, I had never imagined Kay treating me like that. His cold tone together with the hatred in his eyes felt like a knife in my chest. His eyes were so closed off and they displayed no emotion at all. I ran to Sherry and hugged her tight. It was like I was saying good bye but I really needed a hug from my friends. And they knew it too because she held me tighter and longer and she whispered, "it will be ok Harley." I went to Skylar too and she held me tighter and kissed my cheek. "Don't let that attitude fool you, I saw his reaction when you first walked out, he still loves you so much like before," She whispered. "Thank you so much girls for everything. I'll see you in two weeks," I smiled before leaving. I felt weird when Kay remained behind after I got out. I really wanted to know what he was saying but I knew better than to eavesdropping on his conversation. He could have hated me more if he caught me. I could always ask Skylar if I wanted to know. I actually knew she would tell me without me asking. I sauntered to where the car was packed and I could feel Kay's eyes on me while I walked. I nearly tripped and I felt like that was the longest walk I had taken my whole life. I was unsure of where I should sit. I therefore just stood next to the car and waited. He shook his head when he reached the car and then opened the front seat for me. I took a deep breath and got it. "This was going to be the longest and most uncomfortable drive ever," I comprehended.
"Hi," I said once I was really done with the silent treatment. It was driving me crazy that he was so close to me and I couldn't even talk to him. "Hello," he said and then turned on the music. Seriously, he was not interested in listening to music till I decided to talk to him. Just perfect. I looked at him one last time and I turned to face the window. If he was going to act like a kid then so am I. Several minutes past as the music played. He knew just how much I hated hip hop but he played it anyway. He hated it too but he was really focused on pushing me to the edge. He stopped the music and asked, "do you want anything? I'm making a stop." he muttered. I nodded not bothering to look at him. I dug out my headsets and started playing music. Only God knew what he was doing but he spent sixty damn minutes in a store. He was really pushing me. He has claimed that he had so much to do but he could make a stop for a whole hour. I had finally lost it when I saw him coming back. I pretended like I had slept off because I was not ready to deal with him. I opened my eyes slowly and I closed them immediately when I saw him reaching for my door. "What was he trying to do?" I wondered. He opened the door carefully and waved his arm in my face to see if I was really asleep. I was grateful that my hair was covering my face so he couldn't easily see me blinking. Once he was contented that I was really asleep, he traced out the lines on my face and pulled on my hair. I had to struggle to keep my breath even. For so many days I was craving his touch and now he was doing it but I had to pretend to be asleep. I just hoped that he couldn't see my breath quicken. I managed to even my breath until I felt his breath touch my skin. It was warm and soothing. I felt it lower down to my lips and I held my breath as every part of my body screamed excitedly for the kiss. I felt so disappointed when he pulled away. He fixed my neck so that it couldn't hurt and walked away. I opened my eyes when I was sure he was facing the other direction and I watched as he fought with himself. He must really wanted to kiss me but he hated himself for wanting to. I felt hurt that he hated that thought but I was at ease. Atleast he was still attracted to me and he was finding it really hard to resist me. Maybe that's the only weapon I had to win him back. I was going to give him a little more time to get over what happened but if he was not going to believe me at all or forgive me then I will have no choice than to seduce him. I couldn't believe I was going to stoop to that level though but who could blame me, people do stupid things for love and I'm human too. If doing stupid things is going to get him back to me then stupid things I'm going to do. And I knew where to go to get the best seduction tricks. Skylar was the girl for the job. I was going to give Kay more two weeks to make up his mind. I was going to meet Skylar in two weeks time for her aunties wedding so I would use that time and visit to learn tactics. I turned and I stared at Kay who was pretending to be so much focused on the road. "I wish he knew the kind of crazy plans I had in stock for him," I smiled to myself.
"Mum, Callie, guess who is here." I screamed once I reached home. I threw my backpack in the coach just as Callie lunged herself on me. I was grateful I saw her coming otherwise she would have knocked me straight to the ground. "I have so many plans with you this holiday," she shrieked. "Definitely, where is mum?" I asked. "Where am I supposed to put this bag?" Kay interrupted Callie before she replied. "Oh, sorry I forgot about it. Callie I'll see you in a few minutes. I'll just drop this on my bed." I said trying to grab the bad from Kay. He was holding tightly onto it and I wondered why he was doing that. "Kayden can do that, come and I show you my flower garden," she said pulling me after her leaving Kayden standing there with my bag. I turned and made a puppy face to apologise for leaving him hanging he just nodded and went to my room to drop off my bag. I felt goosebumps form all over my body as the memories of the last time we were in my room came rushing back. I wondered if he had the memories too or he had completely shut them out. "Aren't these beautiful roses?" Callie asked. "Seriously, Callie there's hardly any flower and your already asking if they are beautiful. Anyway I know they will be very beautiful especially since you love them so much. Tell me who inspired you to plant these?" I asked. "You and Kayden," she says excitedly. I laughed a bit but I felt a heavy lump in my chest that it was so hard to swallow or breath. "Us, why?" I asked. "Because you guys are so cute together and I think your love is as beautiful and pure as these roses," she said dreamily. "Wow, it's my pleasure that I'm inspiring my little sister to do something so amazing. Though I don't really think our love is beautiful," I sighed. "You don't have to know it. It's us to judge," she said rolling her eyes.
It took every ounce of energy I had not to look through the window in order to see what Kay was doing. I lay on my bed feeling so far from him and yet so close. I wished he could come over through my window. I had actually left it open just in case he were to come. I knew I was hopeless but what could I do. I woke up later in the night and I was tucked in my bed. I didn't remember covering my self up and I hoped Kay did it but I checked and everything was still in place the curtain and the window were closed. Maybe I did cover myself after all. I woke up very early to Callie knocking on my door. "Harley, wake up already. We have to go jogging," she said. "Come on, do we really have to jog?" I groaned. "I told you we are going to do lots of stuff this holiday and this is one of the few new things we are going to do," she said shaking vigorously. "Ok, fine. Just give me a minute." I sighed as I dragged myself out of the bed. I couldn't stop whining the whole time. We ran into Kay and he made a face like it was ridiculous for the both of us to be jogging. Anyway it was really absurd because I hated jumping and running with passion. I never saw Kay again till later in the evening when I was having an evening walk with Callie. This was still not my thing but Callie claimed it's one of the new activities we had to do. He had packed his bike and was flirting with some random girl. I felt like punching the girl right in the face and tell her to stay away from him but I knew it would be a silly thing to do especially when we broke up. I didn't want Kay to know that I was hurt but his actions so I pretended like it was a normal thing to walk into him flirting with strangers. Callie must have noticed my discomfort though. "Sorry, I didn't know we would run into him again. By the way, can I ask you something?" She asked. I nodded though I already knew what she was going to ask. "Are you guys ok?" She asked. "Us, me and who?" I said playing dumb. "No games, I'm serious. I have noticed you guys haven't talked ever since you arrived and you haven't gone to his house yet and he nolonger comes home since you arrived. Are you having a problem?" She asked. I didn't know what I could tell her because I didnt know if Kayden wanted these guys to find out that we had broken up and if he wanted to, he would have already told them. "We are ok though we had a heated argument on my way back. So we are using silent treatment. You know those kiddish games where we are all waiting for who will break first," I said. It was a lie but it was almost the truth. Atleast she won't be over questions me again. "Sorry about that Harley. That means you won't be coming with us to Kate's party tomorrow?" She asked sadly. "There's a party?" I asked. "Yes, it's going to be a small party. It will be us and other two families," she supplemented. "I'm going of course. Our little fight can't let me miss out on that party. It sounds fun," I chuckled.
                          ***
We all got dressed once we were done with lunch. Mum told me that Kayden will be riding with us since his parents left earlier to make sure preparations are going on as planned. I didn't know whether to be happy or sad but I managed to fake a smile. I didn't want my mum to think that something wrong was going on. Callie insisted that she wanted the window seat and I had no choice but to sit next to Kay. There was so much tension between us and I know he felt it too. At first I was so pressed to Callie till she complained and I had to push aside towards Kay. I still didn't touch him since he was so pressed to the window. I just wished we put an end to all this drama because I could see our bodies were losing this fight miserably. I finally saw no reason for me to act stubborn since I'm always making it pretty obvious that I still need him so much. I pretended like I needed something from the back of the car and when I sat again, I made sure my leg was touching his. I knew he was dying for that to happen moments back because he didn't bother pulling away. He instead leaned back so that our arms touched too. It was such a brief touch but I felt contented. Atleast I was having a feel of that soft warm smooth skin. I nearly cursed when we arrived and we had to break the contact. Kayden stood up very first pretending like he couldn't wait to get out of the car but I knew he was just being a coward. He loved this just as much as I did.
The party was so interesting and I easily blended in with the other two families. There was a guy of my age. He kept staring at me till we got a chance to talk. I caught Kayden staring in our direction with his jaw clenched and I knew he was feeling really angry that I was talking to this guy. I smiled mentally and I asked the guy if he wanted to take a walk. I felt guilty for using him but I really needed to push some of Kayden's buttons. We stepped out and found a perfect spot where we sat and talked. I kept laughing at his boring jokes just incase Kayden was still spying on us. I was just fed up of feigning interest when Kayden came searching for me. "I really hate doing this but I have to put and end to your romance. Harley follow me," he ordered. I tried to complain but he just walked away not even bothering to look back to see if I was following him. "I'm really sorry, he can be commanding. Are you going to wait here or you are going back to the party?" I asked feeling pathetic and sorry. "I'll just stay here. I don't like parties. I was just forced here and I wanted to get away. I was so relieved when you asked if we could have a walk," he mumbled. "Okay then, I'll just join you later," I said following Kayden. I found Kayden standing at the the entrance and I pretended like I hadn't seen him so I walked straight into the hall but he pulled me back. "Stop being stubborn and you're acting like your still my girlfriend till the end of the party because our parents have been telling everyone that we are dating and people are wondering if it's true because you have been flirting with every stranger you see," he said with a clenched jaw and fist. I tried to pull away but he pulled me closer to him. He was now taking advantage of my vulnerability towards him. He knew I couldn't say no to anything when I was standing so close to him. "But I..." I tried to say but he interrupted me before I lamented. "There no buts, so we are going in there and act like the time we spent apart was enough and now we can't get our hands off each other," he said firmly. "Whatever," I muttered. "I'm very serious Harley," he said. I just laughed and walked back in leaving him at the door. I almost dropped a glass when I felt strong arms slipping into my waist. I inhaled a sharp breath as I stumbled. Kayden steadied me and pulled the glass away from me handing it to the waiter. He turned me around and started swaying to the music. His hips rythmatically rubbed against mine as I adamantly refused to dance. I gave in when Kayden showed no sign of giving up. I saw Callie giggling when the song finally came to an end. It was such a scene because no one was dancing and we had just given them a stage performance.
Once the party was done, Kate asked me to remain behind so I could help her out. Kayden too offered to stay and I felt like hitting him. He was still focused on tormenting me. I was placing the gifts into the box on the table when he came behind me and kissed my cheek. "What the...," I said frowning. "Why are you acting surprised. In the eyes of everyone I'm your boyfriend remember?" He smirked. "That was at the party and everyone has gone. No need to pretend now," I grumbled. "My mum is watching and she knew just how much I loved being around you so she must be wondering how I managed to stay away from your for the past thirty minutes. She was already starting to think that something is wrong so unless you want to answer her questions about why we broke up, we have to continue with this pretence," he said his gaze so intense that I started feeling uncomfortable. "Fine, but I need some rules if we are going to put up with this act. I don't expect your approval because I going to put the rules anyway and you have to follow them." I said trying to avoid his gaze. It held so much power over me that I was already feeling weak in my knees. "Ok," he said. "Just simple touches and strictly no kissing," I said. He laughed so hard but he later accepted.
I loved the arrangement we had where we had to be a happy couple to the entire family and Kayden must have noticed it because he told me not to expect anything out of it because he was just looking for a perfect time to tell them that we can't be together. It always shattered my heart when he said such things. It's only Callie who knew the kind of pain I was going through. She would come and stay with me in bed on the bad nights. I felt like the days were taking forever. I badly wanted to get away for a while so that I could think things through. This whole pretence thing was driving me nuts especially when Kayden made fun of me incase I react to his touch. I hated him so much but I never stopped loving him. I was only counting on Skylar to put me out of this misery. It was one more day before I had to leave but I felt like it's months away. I had originally said I would just stay for the wedding but with everything that's been going on, I needed a breather. I called Skylar and asked her if I could stay for a fortnight and she screamed. I could hear the joy in her voice when she said yes. I was lost in thoughts when my phone vibrated on the the other side of the bed. It was a text from Skyalar. She was asking if I could make it tomorrow.
Skylar: I can't wait to see you girl. Can you come tomorrow instead. So much to tell you
Harley: I wish I could. I badly need to get away too.
Skylar: Is it him again?
Harley:  Do you even have to ask?🤦
Skylar: He is really so proud. You need to stop chasing him.
Harley: I know and that's why I need my two weeks away from home.
Skyalar: Why not a month
Harley: maybe three weeks.
Skylar: That's my girl. Pack enough outfits. I'll show you around and we are partying every single day.💃 Take care, I have to go.
Harley: Looking forward to some some fun. Have a nice time.
Once I was done talking to Skylar, I talked to my parents and they agreed right away. "You actually look miserable, maybe you're missing your friends and the few weeks with them will do the magic." My mum had said. I walked to Callie's room and told her about it. She felt sad because I was leaving her all alone when we had so many things we had to do together but she understood why. She even promised to help talk to Kay though I told her not to bother. I knew I was wasting time telling her not to though, I knew she was going to do it anyway.

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