No escape

chapter thirteen

I was glad that Kayden never brought up anything about our relationship, I honestly didn't know what I could do if he had. I think he might have discovered that I have second thoughts about everything and that I think everything was a mistake. I wish that's what he really thinks because he would have saved me from explaining myself. We could be friends and pretend that nothing has ever happened. I kept tossing and turning unable to sleep. I knew I missed him too but I couldn't tell him that. He would think otherwise and I didn't want to give him anymore misleading signals. I woke up and Lara was making breakfast, I ran and hugged her. "I missed you so much girl, how are you. Oh my God you look so gorgeous," she said. "I bet Kay is the reason behind that glow," She added. "Come on, stop it already. I actually have so much to tell you. But first you have to tell me when you got here because I remember I was sober last night and I didn't see you here at all," I said giggling.
I helped her make our tea and we were done with preparing everything in thirty minutes. We sat in front of the couch and watched a serie while we had breakfast. "You said you have a lot to tell me, you know I'm impatient and you're acting like you have nothing to tell me. So let me pause this so that you can tell me," she said pausing the serie. "It's not not like I'm going anywhere, you can't pause on such a scene like seriously its the fun scene. You would have paused on one of the boring ones," I whined. "You either tell me and watch again or you don't tell me and you don't get to watch," she said giggling. I raised up my hands in defeat and told her everything. I kept rolling my eyes when she screamed and giggled especially when I told her about the few kisses we shared with Kay. "Harley, I don't know what you were thinking but girl you made the right decision. Stop acting silly and stop thinking that you are going to dump him because I'm not letting you do that and I know Skylar and Sherry ain't letting you do that either. Look girl, you know I have always looked out for you and I would never let you do a mistake. Trust me on this, that is the guy for you," she shrilled once I was done telling her everything. "Lara, I know you are somehow right but I don't love him. I really like him but only as a friend," I sighed. "You just don't want to believe that what you feel for him is love. Your just scared to feel that again. But depending on the time I have known you, you are not the kind of girl who would kiss a friend or anyone you have no interest in. You have kissed him more than once and you still say you don't love him. Come on girl, cut the pretence and just flow with it. Let go and be free, he is not going to hurt you. Stop comparing him with that jerk. He is different Harley. I love you Harley and I'm not going to sit here and look at you lose an ideal man because of your insecurities," she said before carrying our plates and cups to the kitchen. I was now feeling so pertubed because I knew Lara was right, I would never let someone kiss me be it Ellie unless I'm interested in them. Now what should I do, I was so confused that I lost morale for the serie. I went to bed and sat there going through all the texts. I texted him but he didn't reply. I felt mad but I knew better before texting. I knew he was always busy. I wondered how he would create time for me in case I agreed to date him. Would he always make work his first priority or me. I knew I was sounding ridiculous. I was feeling like a mess and I was grateful when Lara asked me if I wanted to go with her to Sherry's. Lara told Sherry and Skylar everything as soon as we reached and they had the exact reaction as Lara. "Maybe I should just count on Ellie then because it seems you are all obsessed with Kay," I groaned once they were all done talking me into staying with him and how I have feelings for him.
"By the way Harley, Austin asked me if you were back," Sherry said. "Asked for me, why?" I asked puzzled. "Yes, though I don't know why. Maybe he wanted to talk to you or something. He didn't say anything else. I told him you were back. He nodded and said thank you and then walked away." She said turning back to the game. She was playing Monopoly with Lara and Skylar while I texted Ellie. "I have so much things to think about, the last thing I want to deal with is Austin," I grumbled. "Just tell him you have a boyfriend already so that he doesn't bother you at all. You honestly have Kay to think about," Skylar said winking. We laughed at that. Skyalar was really funny and annoying but she made everything lively. "I don't have a boyfriend and I'm never talking to him anyway," I said. "Girls, I have to go prepare for school tomorrow, I haven't done anything serious since I reached. I have been busy trying to figure out what I will do with Kayden. If you don't mind, may I please take a leave?" I asked. "Is it only me or you guys also see that Harley is more polite?" Skylar said. "All thanks to the quality months with Kay," Lara winked. "Guys will you stop, I only asked because we were having a good time here and I'm ditching you. I didn't want you to feel bad," I said defending myself. "And since when do you care about you ditching us?" They chorused. "Since I discovered that you're the most amazing friends anyone would ever get," I said smiling. "Oooh, that's so sweet." They chorused. "Or maybe since you discovered Kayden," Skyalar said winking. I shook my head and walked out just as everyone bust out laughing.
                         ***
I woke up very early and prepared breakfast. I didn't want to have breakfast from the cafeteria. I missed watching people from my favorite spot in class. I also had so many things to think about so I decided to have breakfast before I left so that I can get time to mull over things through.
"Hey Harley, you still love watching people from here?" Ellie said hugging me. "Yes, you know how much it's calming to watch everything from here." I said. "Yeah I do, I just thought that maybe somethings will change after a few month," he sighed. "Nothing is going to change Ellie, only time will kip moving," I said smiling and turned back to the window.
I was astonished when I received a package just after my first class. I wondered who it could be from. I knew it couldn't be Kay though I secretly wanted it to be him. I didn't check it right away till I left college. There was a beautiful scalf with initials AH. I wondered what that meant but I dropped it. I told Lara about it and she blushed it off too saying it maybe a secret admirer. The next day at college was weird too, I went to the cafeteria and I was told I had a meal already ordered and paid. I first declined but when the staff showed no future of letting me pay I accepted. I kept looking around to see who could be doing all this but everyone seemed focused on whatever they were doing. Back in class, I tried to look around to see if there is anyone who could look responsible for what was happening but still no one. When I went back to my dorm, I found flowers at the reception. I read the card and it still had the initials. "I hope you liked the meal, AH". I read it out loud for Skyalar and Lara. "I don't know why you are freaking out, just enjoy while it lasts girl. I do kill just to have a secret admirer who leaves me flowers and gifts," Skylar said. "Ok, Skylar I know you're sort of right but you know it's dangerous to some extent. You know, what if it's a psycho stalking her that could be really dangerous. We should start tracking him down," Lara suggested. "I think so too because I feel really unsafe," I remarked. "You girls are just over reacting, I'm sure it's just a shy kid crushing really hard on you," Skylar mumbled. I just nodded because I knew Skyalar would never feel like anything is risky until a few damages are done. In this case it was totally useless to reason with her, she was already excited about the flowers and she was talking about taking them into her room since they looked really beautiful.
It's been two days and I haven't got any other surprises, I had come to a conclusion that maybe we had over thought about the whole thing. Maybe Skylar was right and it was just a shy secret admirer. I was coming from the bathroom when I saw an arrow with my name on it, "weird" I muttered to myself while I took the direction it pointed to. They were many arrows at different stations. I reached the very end of the corridor and I saw a box. It had "pick me" written on it and I took it. I looked around to see if there was anyone but I was totally alone. I took the box with me and opened it as soon as I reached my room. It had a very beautiful bear with my name on it. It was so adorable that I nearly cried. It also had the initials AH. I placed it on my bed and called Lara. She freaked out and promised to come right after completing her assignment. I had also freaked out but to some extent I was elated. This person knew me too well. Who ever he is, he must know me too well. "Wow, this is a beautiful one," said Lara when she saw the bear. "Maybe you should just enjoy the gifts and then when this secret admirer is done playing games, he will show himself to you," she said giggling. I sat on my bed pondering, my fingers kept tracing the initials AH, what could they stand for. "Could AH, be a combination of our names?" I asked Lara. "Or could it be the person's names?" I continued.  "Whatever it is, we can never find that person he is too smart and clean. Just stop stressing when the time is right, you will eventually see him," Lara said.
I told Ellie about my secret admirer and the gifts, I hadn't told him yet because I knew he would over react but I guess I had to tell him now since all the girls are seeing no harm in it. I was surprised when he didn't over react and I decided to drop all the worries. I found flowers at the reception once again. I tried asking around for who had delivered the flowers but still in vain. I tried contacting the person by writing him a note and leaving it exactly where I find the flowers but it was useless as well.
It's been two weeks since college started and Kayden is coming over to see me this weekend. I've missed him so much and I was so torn without him. We tried to talk as much as we could but he was too busy with work. All my friends are more excited to see him than I'm because they have been longing for this day. "Why can't I go clubbing with you?" I asked Lara. I honestly couldn't understand why I can't go anywhere on a Friday night. "Can't you understand, you need to have a quality sleep. I don't want Kay finding you tired with black circles under your eyes. He may think I don't take good care of you," she whined. "Ok, fine. I'll stay here and have a good quality sleep." I said rolling my eyes. I didn't feel like clubbing but I was so nervous about tomorrow. I didn't know what I was going to do. Should I tell him it was all a mistake or should I just flow with it. How was he going to act, it's the first we were going to meet since I got myself into a relationship I'm not ready for. The night was so boring since I was alone and most people were busy getting drunk. I kept tossing and turning till I finally fell asleep. "Wake up and get ready. Kay might be here anytime soon," Skylar said shaking me vigorously. I groaned forcing my eyes to open. I didn't want to wake up yet. "More thirty minutes please," I said yawning. "Get your lazy ass out of the bed," everyone yelled at me. "Jeeez, what's up with all the seriousness. It's not like Kayden has never seen me sleeping or with my morning face," I lamented. "Whatever, go shower and come here immediately. We have to do your make up and try out a few clothing," Skylar said. I dragged myself out of bed and I went to the shower. "I honestly hate you guys sometimes. You suck," I cursed before shutting the door. "We love you too," they said laughing loudly. Lara was out by the time I got done showering. Sherry did my make up while Skylar arranged different attires. I tried on several dresses till we settled for one that hugged me in the right places. It had vertical stripes which made my waist look smaller than it actually is. I looked really sexy and I couldn't help smiling though I kept wondering why I was taking up all this trouble when I'm going to break things off with him. "Wow, you look amazing girl," Sherry said. "Thank you," I smiled. "I hope Kay loves it," I said dreamily. "He will definitely love it," Skylar said winking. We talked about me and Kayden after that and I asked them about how best I should behave. "Do you think he will try to kiss me?" I asked just before everyone covered there mouth. I wondered what was wrong so I turned to look at the door and I felt my legs turn into noodles. There was Kayden and Lara in the door way. He looked as hot as ever in his tight jeans and sweat shirt. He was smiling and walking towards me. I felt numb, I wanted to say something but I couldn't seem to find my voice. I remained there just staring at him. "You want me to kiss you?" He asked. My mind was spinning now as I lowered my eyes and stared at his lips. I felt my throat go dry and I needed to hydrate. I pulled myself away from his hold and rushed to the kitchen. Skylar followed me there, "what the hell was that. And where the hell did you find such a hot guy. Girl, how can you have second thoughts about such a guy?" She said fanning her face. I laughed as I galloped more water. "I need some water too, too hot out there," she said pointing to Kayden. I went back after I had composed myself to welcome Kay. "Sorry about that, you got me off guard," I said hugging him. "It's ok, it's not the first time you have drooled over me," he said winking. I closed my eyes shaking my head. He wasn't going to make it easy for me and neither were these girls.
"Anyway, girls this is Kay and Kayden this is Skylar, Sherry and Lara," I said changing the subject. We had breakfast while we talked. The girls basically told Kayden lies about how they have been forcing me to eat because I missed him so much. How I have been crying every night. I kept laughing and shaking my head. Kay seemed to like it even though he knew the stories were a little exaggerated. Once we were done with breakfast, everyone left and I was finally alone with Kay. I was really nervous and I couldn't help breaking something while I cleared the dishes we used for breakfast. Kayden kept laughing especially when I tripped and he held me. "Relax Harley, it's just me," he said smirking. I pretended to dry the cups which were already dry. I just wanted to have something to distract me. I didn't know what to say to Kayden. "Enough of the pretence Harley," Kay said wrapping his hand around my waist. I shivered and goosebumps filled the whole of my body. He kissed my neck and whispered into my ear, " I love the fact that I have this effect on you." He held my shoulders and turned me slowly making me face him. He inched his face closer to mine and I wanted to tell him no, I wanted to push him away but I didn't have the energy to. I simply closed my eyes and waited for him to kiss me. I felt my stomach flip once his lips met mine. His lips were smooth soft and tasted like mint. I tried to pull back but his hold was firm and he kept massaging my lips with his till I was too vulnerable to fight it. I kissed him back like I had been craving to. We were breathlesss when we broke from the kiss. "I missed you so much Harley," he said resting his head on mine. I closed my eyes as I savored the moment. He kissed my nose and led me to the coach. He lay me down in his chest while caressing my hair. I turned to look at him when the caressing stoped and he had slept off. He must be tired from the driving and working all week. I woke him up and took him to my bed. "Don't leave me Harley. I just want to lay here with you. It's with you that I find peace and real sleep. I feel safe and comfortable with you," he said pulling me closer to him and kissing my forehead. "I missed you too and I'm not going anywhere," I sighed kissing his forehead. I stared at him while he slept and I felt my heart melt while I did so. It was truly a beautiful sight. I felt strong conflicting emotions for him. I knew I couldn't live without him but I was so afraid to be with him.
                        ***
I started the week with more vigour. I was excited about the next weekend I will have with Kayden. I had originally planned to call things off with him but I couldn't bring myself to do so expecially when he was being too sweet. My body too always betrayed me and my thoughts were conflicting. I had stayed with him at the hotel all weekend and we had such a wonderful time together. I had to force him to leave yesterday night because he couldn't stay away from work for such a long time. I honestly didn't want him to leave but I knew I had no choice. He promised to come the next weekend despite the busy schedule. It was just Monday morning but I was already counting hours to Saturday. Lara and the twins couldn't stop teasing me about it. Ellie had met up with him and after spending a few hours with him, he agreed that he really is a good guy. I don't know why Ellie's opinion mattered so much to me since I was already not going to leave Kayden simply because he didn't approve of him but I felt at peace when he liked him. I skipped breakfast because I wanted to reminisce about each and every moment with Kayden. I sat at my usual window and stared into the sky this time round. I felt like I have never been this happy in years. I couldn't help wondering why Kayden tended to plague my thoughts even when I didn't love him. "Could I be in love with him?" I asked myself. I buried my head in my arms as I felt my heart beat rythmatically in my chest. I heard some noise in the room like someone was walking towards me but I didn't lift my head. After the room was quiet I looked up and my breath caught when I saw a bunch of flowers infront of me. I searched the room but I was completely alone. I wished I had looked up when I heard footsteps, I would have put an end to this misery already. I read the card on the flowers and I placed them on the floor. The rest of the day was smooth until I ran into Austin. "Hey, nice flowers," he said smirking. "Thank you," I said trying to walk past him. "Hold on, why are you in such a hurry. I need to talk to you Harley. I hope your friends told you that I asked about you," he stated. "I don't think we have anything to talk about Austin," I said sounding irritated. "Hey, relax. You look so beautiful by the way and that black colour looks good on you," he mumbled. I managed to force a smile as I excused myself and walked away.  I took a deep breath when I was finally in my room and sat on my bed. I received a text from an unknown number as soon as I had sat on my bed.
Unknown: I hope you arrived safe at your room.
Harley: Who are you.
Unknown: The love of your life
Harley: I'm serious, your stalking me and you think I'm going to act cool about it. Just tell me who the fuck you are.
Harley: Will you just tell me who you are ?
Harley: Tell me
Unknown: Saturday eight in the evening at your favorite bar. Let's talk there.
Harley: I have plans for Saturday I can't make it. Just tell me now or get another day that's not a weekend.
Unknown: That's it. Bye
I felt so angry and I wanted to slam my phone against the wall. Unbelievable, some people have the nerve. I texted kayden and told him about the whole thing leaving out the meeting at the bar plan. He blamed me for not telling him about it while he was here but he understood and dropped it. We video called once he was home and I couldn't help staring at his bare chest. He must have done it intentionally since he knows he is very good at distracting me. I kept imagining so many dirty things we could do and he knew exactly what I was thinking and he kept making every single thing sound dirty.
"Who is that you're talking to?" Lara said walking towards my bed. "I should have known," she said once she saw Kay on the other side. She said sorry and went to prepare our dinner. "Your friends are crazy," Kayden said. "Very," I nodded in agreement. Kate walked in to tell Kayden dinner was ready and she was excited to find Kay talking to me. "Are you guys dating already?" She asked both of us looking at Kay. Kayden looked at me expectantly. I knew he was asking for my permission so I nodded smiling. Kate jumped up and down before hugging Kayden tightly and sending me kisses immediately Kayden told her we were dating. She said she wanted to talk to me before she walked out calling Phil. "You know she going to tell everyone," I said. I knew Kayden wasn't the kind of guy who liked attention and this would be so hard on him. He plays too much and kept flirting with me in front of everyone but that was because he wanted to make me nervous. It was like his hobby to make me uncomfortable but I would see him feeling uneasy once my parents brought up our issues especially on days where everyone was talking about him. I was surprised that he didn't care at all that everyone would know. "I don't care if everyone found out. I actually want them to find out. I want everyone to know that you are the woman I'm in love with," he whispered touching the screen of his laptop. I looked at him feeling torn and week in my knees. I desperately wanted to tell him I love him too but I couldn't bring myself to say the words. I was not like other people who easily said those words with no intention. To me, I could only say those words when I'm very sure and I couldn't lie to him that I love him because I only really liked him. I knew he understood what I was thinking about and he said, "it's ok princess, whenever you're ready."

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