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Chapter 33

Soft amber eyes blinked in surprise at her, light ginger hair framing a pretty and delicate face that broke into a smile upon recognising Illyria. Illyria was still. Unable to hide her genuine shock and surprise for a brief moment. What was she doing here? 

“Oh, hi Illyria, are you alright?” Petra's voice was light and genuine, her eyes noticing the tea in Illyria’s hands. She beamed and stepped aside.

“Oh you brought tea! How nice! Come on in!” Illyria didn’t know how to react. She couldn’t believe she had tried so hard to ensure nobody had seen her go to the captains office, just to have Petra here. She pulled herself out of her stupor, blinking and stepping forward. Levi was sat casually at his desk, legs crossed and one arm draped around the back of his chair in a relaxed manner. Illyria glanced up at him, hoping to find some form of explanation in his eyes, but was only met with a blank expression.

She heard the door click shut and Petra’s footsteps approaching her as she reached the desk. She was confused, not knowing exactly what to do in this incredibly awkward situation. Should she leave? She couldn’t very well stay here now, Petra was clearly not intending on leaving anytime soon, otherwise she would have left when Illyria came in. Were they talking about something? Something private?

She placed the silver tray on the desk, hands shaking, and licked her lips as her eyes met with Levi again. He watched her with a hungry look in his eyes and Illyria had to look away, feeling her cheeks heat up from his stare. He should not be looking at her like that, not with Petra  standing right there. Petra didn’t seem to notice, smiling warmly and resting a hand on Illyria’s shoulder.

“Thanks Illyria, that was really sweet of you.” Illyria nodded, forcing a smile as she stood and took a step back.

“You’re welcome. I’ll see you later.” She saw the small frown cross across Levi’s face but it was gone as soon as it had appeared. Petra blinked.

“Are you not staying?” she asked, incredulously, her tone surprised. Illyria didn’t know. She didn’t know what she should do. She felt very uncomfortable right now and she couldn’t quite figure out why. Sure it was unexpected, a part of her was disappointed that she wouldn’t be spending time alone with Levi. But she could still spend time with him, Petra had offered after all...

But what if Levi didn’t want her to stay? What if he was feeling just as uncomfortable as she was? Was he even bothered? Did he care if she stayed or not? The thought that maybe he had done this intentionally crossed her mind. Had he invited Petra here on purpose? So that he wouldn’t be alone with her? Was he really that vindictive? Levi had known she was coming today, why hadn’t he gotten rid of Petra sooner? It seemed the only logical explanation to her.

She stared at Petra like a deer caught in headlights, stammering, unsure of how to answer the question. Petra turned to Levi.

“You don’t mind that, right Levi?” she asked the ebony haired man who indicated to the chair opposite in a casual and yet inviting way.

“Be my guest.” He replied with a bored tone, causing Illyria further confusion. If he had gone through the trouble of inviting Petra over, why was he still acting as though he was fine with her being there? Illyria’s head hurt.

Petra turned and beamed at Illyria, eyes sparkling as she moved to the cupboard on the other side of the room.

“I’ll get some more cups!” Illyria looked at her feet for a moment, attempting to figure out what was going on. She glanced at Levi, who was watching her carefully. His steely grey eyes serious, narrowing a fraction, as if he were trying to figure out what her problem was. She looked away as Petra came back to the desk, placing the cups down.

“Take a seat, Lily, I’ll pour them.” The fair haired girl nodded towards the couch, turning her attention back to pouring the tea. Illyria took a seat on the sofa, perched on the edge, hands in her lap and pinching the tips of her fingers nervously. Petra handed the captain a tea and gave one to Illyria before taking her seat opposite Levi.

Illyria was slightly affronted that the sweet girl had decided to sit opposite Levi as opposed to next to her, she couldn’t help but feel like something was off. She ignored it, taking a sip of her tea, nose crinkling as she realised Petra hadn’t sweetened it the way she liked but deciding to not comment.
Petra smiled softly at Levi from across his desk before she turned back to Illyria.

“So I hear the mission went well last night? You must be thrilled?” Illyria nodded, forcing a smile onto her lips, though she was certain it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Yeah, Hanji said it’s looking promising.” Petra nodded slowly, flicking her amber eyes back to Levi, who held her stare.

“You should have more faith in your team, Levi. They’re not all as incompetent as you like to think.” Her tone was playful, a teasing smile present as she sipped her tea. Illyria frowned a little. Had Levi spoken to Petra about the mission? What did she mean by ‘have more faith’? Did Levi think she would fail? That she was incompetent? Levi’s eyes darkened considerably, his cold, hard stare intensifying as he looked at the woman in front of him. Though Petra just giggled, not at all intimidated by the man in front of her.

“You always did have a nasty habit of running your mouth.” He declared, finger tracing the rim of his cup before he gripped the edge and brought it to his lips. Petra tittered again.

“Maybe you should shut me up then?” She teased. Illyria almost choked on her tea, forcing down her approaching coughing fit she silently observed the scene before her. She had noticed the slyness in Petra’s voice, her eyes darting between the two of them, wondering just what the hell had just happened. Petra looked relaxed, calm, clearly entertained that she was able to irritate the captain, whereas Levi just stared at her intently. A small, barely noticeable smirk on his features, his eyes shining with mild amusement.

The atmosphere of the room shifted. It grew tense, thick. Illyria did not like this. She cleared her throat awkwardly, taking another gulp of the unsweetened tea, trying to hide her distaste. Levi glanced at her for a split second before his gaze fell back on Petra. She smirked at him triumphantly.

“Besides, I can keep secrets too if it calls for it, don’t you think?” Illyria’s stare hardened. Something was not right here. Something was going on. There was an underlying meaning to Petra’s words, a hint of something that only Levi and Petra knew.

Did Petra know that they were sleeping together? Is that what she meant by keeping secrets? That she was keeping theirs? Is that why she was acting so bold? Knowing that Levi would not react to her jests for fear of her opening her mouth? It didn’t make sense. She felt pretty confident that Levi would not share that kind of information with her, with anyone in fact. Had Petra seen her leave that morning? But Levi had confirmed that the coast was clear... something did not add up.

She continued to silently watch the two. Petra threw the captain a coquettish smile, biting her bottom lip seductively as she averted her gaze from him, and that was when realisation hit her like a tonne of bricks. Petra was flirting with Levi. Illyria looked to Levi, noticing that he was just watching her, that small smirk still present. Was he enjoying this?

Maybe Petra hadn’t been referring to Illyria at all... maybe Levi’s secret that she was keeping, involved Petra herself.

Illyria felt sick to her stomach. Her skin tingled as an intense heat charged through her body at lightning speed, her rage palpable. She grit her teeth in an effort to keep her mouth shut, arms starting to tremble and causing her cup to clink against the saucer in her hand. She saw Levi look at her out of the corner of her eye as she fixed her gaze to the teacup, clearly hearing the annoying rattling. She forced the cup down onto the saucer firmly, her hands still trembling and breathing becoming heavy as she fought hard to control her anger.

She was enraged. A thousand thoughts passing through her head. When did this happen? Is it still happening? Was Levi playing with them both? Why had he not said anything? She swallowed thickly, quickly gulping down the rest of the tea, ignoring the painful burn it created and got to her feet. Her shaky legs felt like jelly, arms like lead as she placed the empty cup and saucer on the corner of the desk with a quivering hand.

“Excuse me I need to go.” She practically whispered. She could feel her eyes filling with tears and she needed to get out of there now. Both Petra and Levi looked at her, the woman blinking as if she had forgotten that Illyria was even there.

“Oh? Already?” she asked, that same friendly voice returning. Illyria turned her back, starting to walk away. She didn’t want either of them to see her like this and, quite frankly, she was scared of what she might do if she looked at either of them.

“Yeah, I just remembered I need to wash the cloths from dinner service.” She explained over her shoulder, not stopping her stride for a second. She reached the door and twisted the knob, only vaguely aware of Petra bidding her goodbye in that sickly sweet tone before she left Levi’s office.

She wasted no time heading to the washroom, finally letting the tears fall as she walked. She wasn’t sure if she was crying because she was so insanely angry, or so very hurt. What she did know, was that she was jealous.

The thought of Levi and Petra made her sick to her stomach and pulled everything into question. Everything that had ever happened between them, and everything that might have happened between those two. She wondered if it was still going on. How long had it gone on for? When did it stop? Why did it stop? Was Petra still trying? Did Levi want to? How far had it gone?

She burst through the washrooms door, slamming it shut hard behind her and approached the huge, wooden, circular tank in the middle of the room. It was almost like a well, but instead of tunnelling down, it was about three feet high, and full to the brim of soapy water. A handful of small stools skirted the well for people to sit on along with many washboards. She sighed, as she sat on the stool and reached for the sopping cloths Sasha had thrown in earlier.

The water was cooler now, lukewarm but it would do. She began cleaning, letting her tears fall in the silent room as her brain continued to punish her.

She didn’t want to have these thoughts, but she couldn’t stop herself either. She kept replaying Petra’s words over and over in her head, remembering the way she had looked at Levi. He certainly hadn’t seemed to mind her flirtations. Maybe they were still sleeping together. That would explain how Petra knew about the mission, and her familiarity with the captain. Her teasing tone and even calling him by name. Maybe he brought up the mission one time when they were together. Maybe he really did say that she was incompetent, that he didn’t have faith in her.

Maybe he had no intention of spending time with her tonight. Maybe he had wanted to let her know he was done with her, and had invited Petra over to make it clear that he was no longer interested.

She wondered what the two had done together. Had Levi done the same things to Petra as what he had with her? Had they fucked in his bed? Had she stayed the night? Had they kissed?

She couldn’t stop the choked out sob that spilled from her lips, hands stopping their movements for a moment as she pressed the palm of her hand to her forehead and cried into her hand. She was so hurt. Why had Levi never said anything? Was this all really just a game to him? Did she really mean so little to him? But he had told her he cared. Or was that just pretend too?

There were times where it hadn’t felt like pretend though. As she sat there and replayed their encounters together, she couldn’t deny that there were times where she had thought things were more than just sex. She recalled the times he had cared for her, tending to her bruises, ensuring she was safe after the lashing, how he had stayed close to her and help her feel safe for a while until she had fallen asleep. She remembered when he had dragged her from the bar and apparently stopped a couple of creepy men from touching her inappropriately, made sure she had made it back to her room in once piece, albeit kicking and fighting him the whole way there. She remembered how furious he was about the whole plan with Nile, how possessive he had acted. The kiss last night.

Was it all just a facade? Just a ploy? Did he do any of those things for her?

Illyria could barely even think of the ginger haired girls name without her blood boiling. She had never had a problem with Petra, overall she was a sweet and kind girl. But she had a huge problem with her now. How was she meant to even look at her again? At either of them? She had seen Levi talk to Petra on numerous of occasions, but she never thought anything of it. Why would she? She trusted him.

She swallowed down her whimpers, fighting against her own mind as she continued with her task. Afterwards she hung up the cloths on the line and began wandering the corridors. She walked aimlessly, not having a destination in mind, lost in thought. She didn’t want to go back to her room. Not yet. She knew she wouldn’t sleep. She would just lie there in bed thinking about everything to the point where it would drive her crazy.

She didn’t know how long she had been walking when she bumped into someone, immediately muttering out a pathetic sounding apology, not even looking at who it was.

“Illyria?” she raised her head, eyes locking onto concerned looking greens. Eren’s expression told her that he was worried, he had obviously noticed her tear streaked face. Immediately he reached out to her, taking her gently by the shoulders.

“What’s happened, are you okay?” she nodded slowly, feeling almost empty. He shook his head, grip tightening.

“You’re not okay, you’re crying, what’s wrong?” she didn’t answer, just swallowed down more tears. She didn’t want to talk about it, didn’t want to even think about it, but she also didn’t have the strength to lie right now.

Eren’s eyes scanned her for any sign of injury and when he concluded that she was at least okay physically, he ushered her down the corridor, slipping his hand into hers.

“Come with me, come sit with me a while.” Illyria put up no resistance, allowing Eren to lead her back to his room. Eren was quite lucky. He had his own room, recently being upgraded from the cell beneath the castle grounds, but still not quite trusted enough to share a room with the rest of his comrades. Eren didn’t let her hand go, opening the door and leading her inside before he clicked it shut. He looked at her again, slowly releasing her and she moved and sat on the edge of his bed, making herself at home.

Silence reigned for several minutes but Illyria didn’t mind. She knew Eren probably had no idea what to say to her, and to be honest, she was grateful he hadn’t tried. She wasn’t sure she could handle it right now. She felt him sit beside her, could feel his eyes on her face but she didn’t look at him. She felt pathetic. Getting herself so worked up like this. So what if Levi was fucking another woman? It’s not like he owed her anything, not like they were together. It was just sex. That’s all. Just a bit of fun, a way to relieve some tension.

But deep down inside she didn’t believe that. Somewhere along the line, she had fallen for Levi.

She wasn’t sure when, or how, but she knew she had. And she was paying for it now.

She felt Eren run his hand over her back and shoulders, trying his best to offer comfort in a situation that was totally foreign to him.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked softly, his voice meek and uncertain. Illyria shook her head.

“Not right now.” She admitted honestly. Eren only nodded, pulling her into an uncomfortable but desperately needed hug. She allowed it, hugging him back, resting her head on his shoulder as her arms locked around his waist. She loved Eren. They had pretty much bonded instantly from the moment they had met and he had been a great friend to her since then. Sure they had their moments, but overall, Illyria would say that Eren was by far her best friend.

Eren petted her in a reassuring way, holding her and occasionally muttering how everything would be okay. It soothed her greatly, and she found herself relaxing, her body draining rapidly from the intense emotional rollercoaster. She was exhausted from crying, from thinking, from caring. She wasn’t sure how long she stayed like that with Eren, but it didn’t matter. Eventually she licked her lips.

“Can I stay here with you tonight, Eren?” she asked quietly. She knew it was probably a bad idea. Men and women were kept separate in the scouts, never allowed to share the same room for obvious reasons. But she didn’t care. She knew she would hardly sleep tonight and so would sneak out in the early hours of the morning. Nobody had to know anything. She just really didn’t want to go back to her room and have to deal with Historia’s prying. Be left on her own with her own thoughts, have to pretend like she wasn’t falling apart.

Eren nodded without even thinking about it, he knew they would be in serious trouble if they were found, but his friend needed him. And he would be damned if he sent her back to her room alone to cry herself to sleep.

“Of course you can, come on, lie down.” He pulled the sheets down for her, standing to allow her space to get comfortable. Illyria, still feeling drained, sighed and kicked off her boots while Eren went to his dresser, searching around inside. When he returned he offered her some clothes.

“Here, I haven’t got much but hopefully they will be okay.” Illyria smiled a genuine smile as she took them, scoffing a little when she realised he had given her a loose oversized tee and a pair of boxers.

“Cute, Eren.” She teased, causing the boy to blush as he frowned at her.

“Shut up!” Illyria smiled again and stood up, turning her back as she slipped out of her clothes and into her borrowed ones. She was surprised at just how nicely they fit. The tee was baggy, stopping just passed her ass and the grey boxers were like loose shorts that stopped a little above the knee. But they were so comfortable. She dropped her own clothes on the floor and got into bed.

Eren shifted uncomfortably for a moment and she rolled her eyes.

“Get in Eren it’s fine. I promise to not even tease you about any awkward boners.” Eren frowned and blushed again as he got in beside Illyria.

“Nice to see you’re feeling a bit more like yourself again.” He grumbled, lying on his back and sighing up at the ceiling. It was a tight squeeze in the single bed, but somehow they managed it. Illyria rested her head on Eren’s chest, his arm wrapped around her as he absentmindedly played with her hair. He smirked.

“Didn’t realise you were a cuddler.” He mocked. Illyria frowned, giving him a solid shove and pushing him from the bed. Eren hit the floor with a resounding thud.

“Ow! Bitch...” Illyria couldn’t stop the laugh that came flying from her lips, finding it hilarious in the moment. Eren stood, glaring at her as he rubbed his arm, hissing slightly. She just smiled up at him, pulling the sheet back for him to get back into bed.

“Want to pass any other smartass comments tonight, Eren?” she teased. He was trying to be angry at her, but he couldn’t deny he was happy to see her smiling again. He scoffed indignantly and resumed his previous position. Illyria was so comfortable. She wrapped an arm around Eren’s waist, her head trying to find the most comfortable position on his chest and then released a content sigh.

“Illyria? We don’t have to talk about it tonight. But, please talk to me about it? Whatever it is?” his words almost brought her to tears again but she composed herself with a long sigh, nodding her head against his chest. She knew that he would be concerned about her, finding her in the mess she was, it was only understandable that he would want to know what had caused her upset. She figured telling him was the least she could do, considering he had been so good to her tonight. He hadn’t pushed, or pried, he had just offered comfort. Something Illyria had desperately needed.

“Goodnight Eren.” She whispered, feeling him give her a small squeeze in response. In the silent, dark room her mind began to wander again, replaying the earlier incidents, asking the same questions she had been asking herself all night. How was she meant to face him in training tomorrow? How was she meant to act like everything was fine? She had to know what was going on, even if it hurt, it didn’t matter. Not knowing was killing her.

She sighed again and closed her stinging eyes, trying to just forget everything for a little while.

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Oooohhhh...

What do we think guys?

Is he? Isn't he?

What's coming next?

I'm a sucker for a bit of suspense and honestly since finishing the last chapter where I got stumped, this has just flown out of me Haha!

Vote/comment- I'd love to know what you think might happen.

On a side note, if I wasn't such a whore for Levi, I think Eren would be my next target. Love a bit of Eren fluffiness haha

All the love!
Xxxxx