Need you (Dixison)

18.

this is what anxiety feels like- clinton kane
Dixie's Pov
        I woke up shirtless and in my bed, which was weird being I definitely remember falling asleep curled up on the floor. Maybe I just moved in the middle of the night and don't remember it. Yeah that's probably it. I stretched starting to feel the pain in my hands.
(to clarify she was dead asleep so she didn't hear anything Addison had said to her)
I looked down and found my hands as they had been yesterday, bloodied and bruised. I noticed that one of my hands was clenched into a fist, I opened it up to see the necklace, her necklace.
          Don't think. Don't think. STOP THINKING DIXIE!
        "Hey Dix." My head immediately went to the voice.
        "Hi Charli." I said to my sister.
        She was looking around the room, which was in ruins. I hadn't let anyone in here so nobody knew how bad it got. Then her eyes met with an all to familiar spot on my wall.
       "Oh my god, Dixie are you okay?" She says concerned.
        "What does it look like?" I give a sad chuckle.
         "Dixie let me see your hands."
          "I'm fine Charli."
           "Let me see them." She demands.
            "Fine." I show her my hands.
             She sits down on the bed and looks at them.
        "Dixie, we've talked about this. You can't let your emotions and anger get to the point where you end up hurting yourself. I know you're hurt, but hurting yourself won't help anything."
        "I'm fine Charli."
         "No you're not, stop denying it. You completely broke yesterday, you're not fucking fine."
        "Look! Can we just change the subject? Please? " I ask.
         "Sure, are you excited for the field hockey game this Friday?"
         "yeah of course, it's the last game of the season. Of course I'm excited"
(I didn't write any of the other ones. Sorry)
         "That's been the only good thing lately." I say.
        She nods and hugs me. "I'm gonna go get ready now."
time skip to Friday.
        This week has been horrible. The only good thing has been field hockey and the last game is tonight. God I can't believe everything. All I want to be is happy.
I force myself out of bed and walk over to the drawer I picked out a white shirt and some black sweatpants. My outfits had definitely been lacking this week, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I took out a small chain and then put on both necklaces, although I had switched mine to a different chain. It didn't really matter though. I mean we were over, I just couldn't let her go. I know that she doesn't love me, or want me. She doesn't even want to be by me. But I couldn't let her go. Maybe the voices I'm my head were right, no one wants me, it been proven time and time again. No one needs me.
       "Come one Charli let's go!" I yelled.
       "Coming!" She yelled back.
      I made my way down the stairs and grabbed my field hockey bag. I walked into the kitchen for a brief moment to grab an energy drink.
        "I'm ready." Charli says popping out of nowhere.
        "Bye mom, have a good day." I yell exiting the door.
Addison's Pov
       I had meant what I said to dixie Monday night, I did love her. I just didn't know how to push past everything that had happened if it was fake or not, it hurt the both of us. I had spent all of this week thinking and trying to figure out how to fix us, but I couldn't figure out a way to do it.
       I think I hurt her more then I intended to. She seemed so broken Monday night, and I can't believe I was the reason for her hurt.
       But no matter how much I wanted to talk to her I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't text her or talk to her, he'll I could barely even look at her without feeling guilty. I always tried to be nice and love everyone, but I had been the exact opposite of that to dixie.
      I do know that there's a party after the game tonight, I knew that Dixie would never miss and opportunity to drink, I have to admit sometimes it scared me, but I trust her. So the plan was talk to her at the party and tell her how I feel and apologize. Yeah at the party, I got this. I just really miss her, and I don't know what happened to the necklace after I took it off which makes me feel like a worse person.
Dixie's Pov
       "Hey guys." I plaster a smile onto my face.
       I see Kate and Griffin exchange looks between each other and give the other a small nod. I wonder what that's about.
       "Everyone remember that there's a party tonight at my house." Chase says.
         "Hell yeah!" Bryce says.
         "Hi guys!" I hear a cheerful voice say.
         Addison. I'll just leave before she walks away. I know she wants nothing to do with me, and I really don't want to take time away from her and her friends.
          "Hey, I'll catch you guys later." I walk away quickly.
Griffin's Pov
           Although me and Kate weren't the best of friends we were both best friends with Dixie, and we were really worried about her. We had been texting the last couple of days just to see if the other knew anything, but the truth was we didn't know anything past last Friday. She shut us out. It hurts me to see her hurt, she's a really good person although not many people get to see that side of her.
Addison's Pov
"Hey, I'll catch you guys later" she said before walking away.
I confused look flashed across most people's faces, but knew she was walking away because of me.
         Tonight, I just had to keep it together until then.
Time skip to lunch
       I walk to the table to see everyone sitting down. I look to see Kate sitting in my regular spot, leaving the only empty spot next to Dixie.
      Great I'm gonna sit down and then she's leave. Oh, well. What have I got to lose.
I made my way to the seat and sat down next to her. Surprisingly she didn't move or get up, that's when I noticed she was asleep. She had her arms crossed and her head lay on them. She looked tired eventhough she was asleep. She looked as if she hadn't slept well in days. This girl was different from the one I woke up to two weeks prior. This girl was stressed and her life was anything but calm and simple. This girl looked like she spent late nights crying because she was hurting so bad. The girl i knew didn't care about others opinions and always did what she wanted. The girl I knew could simply smile and the whole room would get brighter. The girl i knew looked peaceful and angelic when asleep. They were not the same girl and it was my fault, but I swear I'm gonna fix it.
      As I sat at the table I contemplated how I would get her back. I mean she had to at least be a little mad at me. Like Monday when her emotions got the best of her. That scared me, I mean she completely shut off everything until she hurt herself. Scary wasn't even the word for it, i was terrified.
I was brung out of my thoughts by the sound of the lunch bell ringing.
Dixie shot up in her seat before standing up and walking off quickly.
After school at the Easterling residence
I had hours to kill before the party, and I wasn't going to the game so I threw on a pair of sweats and a white t- shirt, I took off my regular makeup and sat there try to relax
before later on tonight.
Dixie's Pov
Practice time. We always had one long practice before the game so I didn't get to go home. I was tired but excited. This was the last game of my last season. This was the only that made me happy the past four years, and the fact that it was leaving me in one of the darkest parts of my life hurt me. But that's just how things work out sometimes.
Right before the game
I wasn't in the right head space for this. My life was a mess, and the thoughts in my head had gotten so loud they sounded like bombs being dropped one after the other, but it never stopped. I had a horrible headache, and it wouldn't let up. Then I remembered I had pain meds in my bag and walked over to start searching for them. I finally found the bottle and emptied more than the needed amount of medication into my hand. Maybe if I take more of them it'll work faster. I can't ruin this game like I ruin everything else. I couldn't let people down.
"Come on Dix, we have to get out there." Kate called from the other side of the locker room.
"I'll be there in a second!" I yelled back.
Almost the end of the game
I was running down the field when my vision started to get blurrier and darker, I felt down. I was on the verge of passing out, and the last word i heard were, "SOMEONE CALL FOR AN AMBULANCE!" In Kate's tone of voice.
Word count: 1609
Here's your update. Thank you guys for 21k reads, also don't forget to stream be happy. Hopefully I'll have the next chapter up soon. I apologize for any grammatical errors, it's 2am and I'm tired.