Kairen

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I felt that my eyes were getting filled with the hot coffee that touched my body, but I was so squeezed myself in order not to react ... There were a lot of people who had eyes on me, and plus the man who poured the coffee on me looked at my face so much (!) He understood that I was definitely doing something.  So what if he saw me healthy, standing on my feet long ago?  I might have been exposed to an accident and had a stroke, wasn't it?  But unfortunately I did not know when he saw me.

What if he normally knows me and saw me?  What if he saw me leaving school a few hours ago?  Here are possibilities, possibilities ... There was nothing I could do;  I knew nothing, nothing else.

I clenched my teeth and tried to keep the expression on my face as constant as I could.  I hope I succeeded ...

"I'm sorry," said the man, looking into my eyes.  But there was such a strangeness in his tone of voice;  so there was no gram of intimacy.  And it seemed as if he had poured coffee on me from the grind to probe me.  Crazy (!) "Are you okay? Since you are in a wheelchair, your legs ..." He paused and examined my face again to measure my reaction.  "So you don't feel it, do you?"

"Yes," I said in a snap.  I didn't even blink.  Since I squeezed my whole body, I did not feel that my legs were burning anymore.  I hope there is no permanent mark ...
"You didn't pose any other problem than leaving a permanent mark on my favorite pants."  I said, trying to smile falsely.  "No problem."

"I think after this event, I will have left a lasting mark in your mind."  I looked carefully at his face;  In fact, if he hadn't just poured the coffee on me, I would have found him attractive.  He had a dirty beard;  his facial features looked attractive, though not perfect.  And his eyes ... His eyes were so beautiful that I couldn't really describe them.  Big black eyeballs and long lashes ...

He leaned softly at me when I looked at him in an understandable way. "You can control your reflexes and you are a beautiful player, congratulations."  His tone was not sarcastic;  It was flattened.  He pulled back and moved away from me after a careful look at my eyes one last time.

What was that, now god?

•

"Fortunately, I had pants and a blanket I had thrown on. Otherwise, my beautiful legs were gone."  I said, looking at my leg in the mirror.  It was fried but I did not feel pain.  "The way he poured a cup of coffee even if they had me on it!"  I said with my site.  "I thought I'd be shouting for a moment."

"The man was crazy," said Ozan.  He was sitting at the table and studying.  He took his gaze out of his notebook and looked at me.  "Are you sure you don't know him?"

"Yes," I said in a flat voice.  "Even though he spilled the coffee on me, I couldn't deny that, he was handsome. I always remember handsome men."

Ozan shook his head.  "You will not prosper Kairen. The man may have seen you on social media or something. How old was he looking?"

"I don't know, I suppose we wouldn't have a peer. So he wasn't middle-aged, he had twenty-odd ages."

"If you try to do such things, you will get such things."

I rolled my eyes.  "We look at the result, my dear, nothing happened to my leg. I applied the cream, it will recover soon. How long will we live the same monotonous life? It is always necessary to step out of the comfort zone."

"You're giving me words from bottom to bottom, don't think I didn't notice."  There was a chuckle from the lips of us at that moment.

*.*
Finally I was able to take my herbal tea and go to the computer.  As my fingers floated on the keyboards of the computer, I started thinking about what I experienced today.

Although I try to act like a disabled person in society today;  I understood that we can't understand some things without actually experiencing it.  Even though we have a strong empathy building ... I started to sit down and think deeply about this issue before I got to the computer.  How could I understand a person with a disability without losing my limb's ability to work?  Of course I could empathize;  I could even act as a disabled person in the community, as I do today.  But could I feel like them?  We could only make assumptions on some issues.

Of course, it is a very bad thing for everyone to live with a disability.  Some of us were born this way;  some of us would have to live like this later.  Which one do you think seems heavier?  Was it heavier than the person who had never experienced being healthy, or was it heavier than the person who realized that he did not understand his worth after losing it?

I was always asking this question to myself, in every respect.

Today, I walked around the mall as if I was a disabled person in a wheelchair.  I wasn't alone ... but even that didn't stop me from feeling people's gazing.

Everybody was walking, running around;  some were standing but I was just sitting.  It should have been difficult not to walk.  Just stay stuck in the chair.  Not being able to walk or run as you wish must have been serious.  Especially when you were stuck in a wheelchair, you were able to see others walking and running.

Most people were staring at me with pathetic eyes;  they probably thought about me "how young and beautiful but what will you do, fate."  Was everything really fate?  Just asking.

I'm not even saying people who are looking at me and pulling his ear.  Some were looking at me with sad looks;  They were thankful to God quietly, moving their lips.  Isn't it strange?  In order to be grateful for some things, we had to face such situations.  What if we knew how lucky we were when we woke up every morning and know how to thank us?  Unfortunately, people have equipped themselves with such absurd problems, they have troubled them, and they started not to appreciate the value of what they had.

If some people saw me, they were trying not to look at me.  They obviously didn't want me to feel bad.  I usually did this;  I was always trying to be the way I acted.

I acted as if I had a disability for a few hours a day or even walked around.  But I never felt the world seem so narrow to me in my life.  People's gaze was very disturbing (!) I was just exposed to it for a day and I was thinking like this;  there were people living like this.  And a lot of challenges (!) That I haven't experienced yet!  There were a lot of people trying to do more than a normal person, even if you were disabled.  However, people who are physically sound are not yet aware of how lucky they are, but to be thankful they did not do anything in their lives.

Please don't be late for some things;  Regardless of your situation, be thankful .  Instead of focusing on what you don't have, succeed at being happy with what you have.  I always say this "If a person is not happy with what he has, how does he know that he will be happy when he gets what he doesn't have?If a person cannot be happy with what he has, be sure he will not be happy to have this world."

In any case, who wants to be happy, he will find a way to be happy.  Those who want to live will find many reasons to hold onto life;  likewise for those who want to give up life.

                            -Kairen Karaer.

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