Kairen

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I had a normal day again;  Unfortunately, monotony and normality was not something for me.  It is true that I liked calmness at certain intervals of my life, but that did not mean that I liked to do the same thing every day.  At least I knew that it would take a short time;  I was throwing myself on adventures again soon ... Some people thought that I did all this only for my blog, just to write a beautiful and compelling post.  But the reasons were deeper.  I really wanted to understand people;  If I started to live like people, I would be free of unconscious judgments in me.

After leaving school, I went to work, then I came home and studied some lessons.  This was my day when I did nothing;  but it wasn't a problem.  I was going to Ali Kaya again.  I don't know what plans he had about me, but I had no choice but to hope.  He should have trained me;  because I was different.  I am disciplined, smart, myself, I do not give up and I am vulnerable.  I was also hardworking.Maybe he didn't know these;  That's why he was holding the conversation.  He didn't say yes or no to me yesterday.  If he wasn't going to train me he would say no to me again ... Maybe he wanted to test my patience.  Maybe I am worth it? He wanted to know.  Or the worst possibility was making fun of me and wanting to leave my enthusiasm in my crop ... But still I couldn't say anything without being sure.

School, work and lesson, I could only go to him when it got dark in the evening.  The dark streets frighten me, but inside, but one side kept telling me I should be brave.  After all, you would be a fighter before becoming a fighter, and the fighter should have been brave, not fearless.  So that means that even if I was going to be afraid, I had to come here on foot every day when it gets dark.  I had to get used to it.

*. *

We left an hour behind;  I just helped him get around.  In fact, I was afraid that this would continue like this.  What if he doesn't train me?  Many questions were wandering in my head, and none of them had full answers.  I just had guesses and possibilities.

"Will I come here every day to clean with you?"  I asked in a flat voice.  I made sure that there was no complaint or implied attitude in my voice.  After all, I was just curious.  And I needed to ask questions to satisfy my curiosity.  "And since when have you been sitting in a mess? The messy environment equals the messy mind. I know that too, you just keep it clean outside. The inside is cluttered. So your particular mind is scattered. But what's the main problem that messed your mind. Or who?"

"I didn't force you to come here, right?"

"Of course you didn't," I said without blinking.  "You offered to do cleaning together, and I came. You don't even know me; maybe I came here with a gun in my waist and I assassinated you. You don't even know my name, but I'm in the place where you live."

"What is your name?" He asked.  It was as if he hadn't heard all of my words and only heard the questions and words that he wanted to hear.

"Kairen."

"Kairen," he said, exhaling.  The fighting room wasn't too big, but at least it smelled cleaner now and looked good.  "You don't forget that I am a fighter, do you? It would take a few seconds for me to defeat you."

I looked at him sarcastically.  "After I have a weapon, everything depends on my only bullet."

"Do you think the weapon is stronger than the mind?"  He asked in a flat voice.  The big age difference between us was evident not only from our appearance but also from our facial expressions.  This was even evident from our way of speaking and our reactions.  First lesson ;  mind is above everything. Arm force and techniques are nothing if you can't use your brain."

As the words were dug into my mind, short silence filled the air.  "And Kairen no personal questions."

"But I have a pretense to ask what I'm wondering," I said suddenly.  "I just ask, if I don't get an answer. Purpose to save my mind from the burden. You know, curiosity sometimes keeps our heads busy. I trick my mind like that, so I don't have questions to wear my head. Of course there are times of exception."

"You are really strange," said Ali Kaya.  "Maybe that's what the young generation belongs to."

"You think you're eighty years old," I said again with a wry voice.  "You're thirty-six years old. It's okay in your old age, you can't be that stranger to our generation."

He laughed.  It was the first time since I spoke to him that he laughed.  I was a little happy about it.  "Are you coming tomorrow?"

"To clean?"  I asked, rolling my eyes.  "I am eighteen years old and young, I have a lot of energy, this is not a problem for me. But will you train me or not, I need to know that ... I should not waste time."

"Why? Will you die?"

I didn't say anything...

"Thank you," he said.  "Are you coming tomorrow?"

"I will."

•

I was pulling my arms together on my chest and walking on the abandoned street.  It was already dark, and the minutes were moving fast.  I was moving fast in the dark;  I wanted to go home and put myself in bed as soon as possible.  But as if I was fighting my fear in me ... As I tried to suppress my fear, this fear surrounded me more.

For a moment I felt I was being followed;  My gaze was turned away and I saw a man following me.  I don't know if he was following, but he didn't look like someone and was coming behind me.  I hope I'm just deliberating for nothing ...

"Shh," I suddenly heard him say.  "What are you doing outside at this time, beauty? Aren't you afraid?"

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