The Calm Before The Storm

3.

Time flew for Jamal and I. We were inseparable. Over a short period of time we had managed to become one with each other. Things didn't always go so smooth but Jamal knew just what was needed to cure my worries.. a smile. It was just that simple. I was just that in love. We were just that in love with each other.

~February 2, 2009~

I later found that after Jamal graduated school he started traveling to get new inspiration. When he met me all that came to a stop. He kept this from me because that small detail had the potential to possibly break my heart. I always put Jamal ahead of myself, and if I knew that he stopped doing what he loved it would break me.

"Babe. I watered our plant today. She's growing in so nice" he was listening but he wasn't there.. I could feel it.

"Babe??" I frowned as I heard him stir continuing whatever he was doing

"Oh yeah.. I'm sorry love. I just was looking for something" and just like that...I believed him.

Looking back I was a little crazy. Being so in love with someone and only knowing them from school. Yeah... we went to school together. He was one year ahead of me. Most of the older kids would bully me because of my small stature, but not Jamal. He was always kind. Though he never said anything to me I felt that he wasn't like the other guys. And when we graduated I saw him twice around the neighborhood. Then he disappeared for a few years. Until a snowy day in October.. There he was. He still had that same way about him, something that he would never lose. Some parts of me wish I hadn't thrown myself on him the way I did. No matter what people say I know I was a contributing factor to his demise. Then there are other sides of me that wouldn't change a thing.

Jamal would go to underground art shows where all different artists from all over would gather. Women often threw themselves at him and Jamal would always decline. He never had a problem coming home and telling me about his encounters. I was so secure in my man and our love that I never did anything more than laugh and crack jokes. I think that made it easy for him to talk to me.

~November 13, 2009~

As time moved on things started to decline with Jamal and I. His paintings weren't bringing in the same amount of money that he was used to. His artistic flame had burned out. He had hit a road block. It ate him up, and I knew it. I was always trying to reassure him that It would come back. I knew it. That was the problem.. I knew something he couldn't fathom. No matter how hard I tried it only pushed him away from me. His paintings were his first true love, and I had just came in the picture. Some nights during those months Jamal hardly beat the sun in the house. I wasn't the clingy type so I never really bothered him about his whereabouts even though he always informed me of his absences. Even if he didn't it really wouldn't have made a difference.

I knew in my heart that he wasn't cheating on me, but he was doing something that needed his attention at the latest of hours. When I would confront him about it he always told me he was searching for inspiration. That statement stuck with me. It was obvious that I would never fill the void that his paintings held, and that hurt me to my core. Over our time together he had managed to take my heart fully and I only had pieces of his. Maybe I was too pushy.. or things were progressing too fast for him. He always seemed to take things one step at a time.. until I came into the picture. I was so happy to have him that I couldn't get enough. Some nights we'd stay at his apartment and just talk because he had roommates. Others we'd be at my house sex funky and tired. Then everything changed. He hardly ever spent the night, we never made love, and he wasn't using me as his inspiration.

This had to come to a stop.

"Baby... what is it.. let me in.. please"

I remember pleading with him so clearly. Just wanting to know what was creating this void in our relationship.

He sighed and held me close to his body. I felt his hand lift my chin to look into his eyes. They were once filled with glee and a never ending supply of warmth, but now they were dark and mysterious. I didn't like it.. he didn't like it.

"I-I dont think you can fix this one Baby" He tried to force a smile but his body wouldn't allow it. Instead he just laid his forehead against mines. Tears raced to the brim of my eyes from the feeling of us being torn apart. I felt I had lost him in that moment, but I also felt the need to try harder.

I sniffled and reached for his belt buckle. Maybe my emotional support wasn't enough.. maybe he needed me to meet his needs physically.

We hadn't made love in months.. He was never home, and when I would try to get something going he'd decline and say he wasn't in the mood.

"Quin.. what are you doing??"

"Make love to me Jamal"l looked in his eyes convincing him that I needed him just as much as he needed me. Whether he knew it or not.

"Quin I-" I cut him off with a deep kiss. I unzipped his pants as he walked us back into the bedroom. I was going crazy in my head but I just kept reminding myself that this was for us. It was to get my man back. Power of the box right?

I moved so that he would sit on the bed. I broke the kiss and stepped back. He looked up at me as I pulled my sundress up over my head. It'd been so long since he had seen my body.. I didn't know how he viewed me anymore.

"You're so beautiful Quin.. so beautiful" he spoke almost as if it were cued. I turned away so he didn't see my slight blush. I shimmied out of my underwear as soon as they dropped I felt his arms engulf me as he layered kisses along my shoulders. I shivered from his warm lips on my cool skin. I leaned my head over so he could get better access to my sensitive spots. He trailed his tongue to my spot and I let out a low moan. His hands found their way to my breasts and he massaged them. Soft.. and slow. Low moans rushed from my lips as he took his time.

I always loved how he handled me so delicately. Never wanting to hurt me...intentionally.

Moments later I went silent as the wave of ecstasy washed over our bodies as we reached our climax in unison. My body went limp against his. He fell back onto the bed holding me.

The room was silent aside from our breathing. This moment was perfect..

We laid there for what seemed like hours.
Every once in a while the silence would be disrupted by him asking if I was awake.