Knockout

Chapter Eight

"I know him," Finn's voice was strangely somber, reserved.

"What? How... from boxing?"

"Yes," he started, taking in a deep breath, "But also no. Come here, sit down. It's a long story."

Your brow knit together in confusion, not understanding what he was getting or why he was so uncharacteristically serious all of a sudden.

"Look, (Y/N), Kylo Ren... he isn't who you think he is."

In that moment, your breath hitched in your throat, heart beating so fast it hurt.

Finn continued to explain, unravelling your perception and understanding of who Kylo Ren even was.

"His real name is Ben Solo," he said, his eyes fixed on your face monitoring your reactions.

" Solo ... you mean as in your bosses?"

Finn's jaw clenched then released, nostrils flaring. "Yes. They're his parents."

Your mouth opened and closed a number of times, words escaping you. Kylo or Ben or whatever the hell his real name was, he was so close to your life in ways you couldn't yet comprehend. He was Finn's old boxing partner, he's the Ben he's always so upset about, you've heard stories of the Solo's rebellious, and slightly criminal child... but now that the full picture of who "Kylo" is was coming together, it was all becoming too much.

You tuned out Finn's talking, trying to process the chaos in your mind. Eventually, you just went back into your room, alone. Needing to figure out what the hell had happened to your simple life.

You hid in your room the remainder of the day, not wanting to have to talk to Finn about Kylo or listen to his judgements. You thanked your past self as you found your secret stash of proteins bars you kept in your room when Finn had Poe and Rose over.

The three of them had a relationship somehow infinitely more complicated as the one you and Kylo had. Poe and Rose have feelings for Finn, who has feelings for the both of them, but since they're all best friends, they have this weird, not polyamorous but not truly exclusive "non-relationship" relationship... The idea of navigating something of that caliber made your head hurt.

When you woke up the next morning, you'd made a decision. You were going to be okay, you had to be. You were going to rewind your life a few months, to the time before you'd met Kylo. If you lie to yourself enough, surely you'll have to believe it eventually. Once you'd made your resolve, a thick layer of forced tranquility came over you, relaxing you, even if just on the surface.

You went to work as normal, clocking in, talking to Margot and Simon, treating patients, never once taking a break, afraid your carefully constructed facade would crumble. The only concession to the past you made yourself is that you would not treat Kylo Ren. You couldn't, his hold on you was too much. You knew you wouldn't be able to stay away from him if you had to see him, see his face at work.

So that's what you did, for almost four weeks, you'd dogged every call, avoided his patient charts, and refused to think about him. You felt yourself returning more to normal, feeling more open, more free. That is, while you were awake. When you slept however, you were plagued with dreams of him . Of a life you could've had, the love you could've made, everything you could've had together. You wondered briefly where you'd be if the girl, Rey, hadn't called you. But you soon had to force the thought out of your mind, feeling your grip on your " okayness" slipping.

At some point, Margot must have noticed you refused to see Kylo, but if she did, she never mentioned it, just quietly swapped assignments with you if he came across your clipboard. You'd need to thank her for that.