i thought we could do it again
i don't know what i expected. i can't even explain the feelings i'm going through anymore. i thought i wouldn't care if i didn't have you in my life because i don't find myself caring about anything anymore. i think i just didn't want to admit that i needed you, that i loved you as much i do, i don't know?
i think you drive me to care about myself and it's easier to give up on myself. i tried twice last week to end it all, i still woke up. there's a heavy weight on my chest and it just looms there. i can't eat. i'm down 12 pounds, i'm about 3 pounds from my lowest. i wish you wouldn't have said the things you said when i called you. you're all i've ever wanted. you're the only person who's seen me inside and out. and i think that's why this hurts so bad. i know i'll probably end it all if we don't talk soon. not even a threat or anything. it's just after this whole year, i don't wanna do this anymore. you're the only thing that motivates me and you're gone now so i don't know anymore. i can't get out of bed most days anymore and nothing's really helping me feel better. you got me through everything, you just being there.
i'm gonna lose touch soon, with everyone and everything. most days nothing feels real anymore. i live the same day everyday over and over and over again. part of me feels like you don't care since i'm so far away now. i don't know i'm sorry. i love you. i hope you see this.
