Most people have many emotions.
Sad, happy, mad, excited.
I have two.
Sad and numb.
I feel sad all day and around everyone.
Then it fades to numb.
And numb is a terrible feeling.
But so good.
You don't feel the pain.
But soon, I yearn for feelings.
I can't achieve happiness anymore.
And I'm too far gone to feel sad.
I already feel anger.
But towards myself for dragging the blade across ny skin.
"Why would you do that to yourself?!" They ask.
But they've never had the feeling of numbness.
I reply by saying that I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.
They think I'm crazy.
And they're right.
They think I'm stupid because of it.
And perhaps they're right.
But maybe I'm supposed to be this way.
After years of therapy and different medications that all remain unaffective, I think I'm supposed to be sad. I'm not supposed to be happy.
But who knows. I'm depressed. That's the end of it.
I've saught out help.
I got it.
It didn't help.
Oh well. I've been like this for eight years. What's another 80 more?
