05. I Can't

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*Tonio*

After practice, I found Carlos at the beach but someone had already beat me to him. I really want to talk to him I just have no clue what to say. I quickly walked over receiving Trent's attention.

"Hey Ton-" Trent managed to say before I sushed him.

"We need to talk!" I demanded but he kept looking down at the wet sand, "Carl-" He cut me off.

"What do you want from me, huh?" He quickly stood pushing me to the ground.

"What do I want from you? I obviously want answers, not the shit I've pieced together in my head. Do you not see how much it hurts me when I think I've hurt you when I haven't. Yes, I have realized I use people but I didn't use you. I left a note, after that kiss my eyes opened just enough to see that it was always you." I said feeling my eyes water, "I couldn't look at you because I trusted you and you just changed right before my eyes, I couldn't fall into your arms and cry because I was afraid that you'll judge me for the secrets I would've told you. If it's my fault then I will take the blame, but fine I guess that's how it is." I said releasing my tears as I dust myself off when I picked myself up and walked away leaving him.

I thought I could fix it before it got worse but now it's not my problem anymore. I went home for a shower and to get my duffle bag that had my uniform and shoes in it. After my shower, I asked Carlos's mom for a ride which she gave but she ended up staying to "Support" she said.

I changed in the locker room before the jocks started to pile in. Looking in the mirror at the bruised skin and scars all over my body made me feel sick. It didn't occur to me that I was being watched until I caught his gaze upon my bare back. I put on my shirt and stuffed my wristbands in one of my shoes, locked my locker and ran out with my shoes in hand without eye contact. I put my shoes on in the hall while tears rolled down my cheeks.

I had to get myself together if I was going to get through the rest of the day. I combed my hair placing it in a ponytail and then stood putting my wristbands on. Before I walked out to the field I wiped my eyes and licked my lips. When I walked out they were already singing the Anthem, Theo and I were next we had to start the game. One of us on each side of the field with a running start we had to tumble all the way down to the other end and set off the fireworks on opposite sides.

The anthem was over and I stood on my side and so did Theo waiting for the drumroll. Then we were off One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine.... we both landed perfectly on the detonators with arms spread towards the roaring crowd as the fireworks sparkled from behind.

The football players ran on to the field with our mascot the schools pet, a Labrador to represent "The mighty Labradors!" I said mimicking the guy in the booth on top of the bleachers with my head down walking back to where the others were. Our school has the best cheerleading squad, football team, soccer team, and Rugby team but the best of the best is our cheerleading squad we've won three summer high school tournaments with cash prizes and made this once poor school cleaner, with new lunches, new activities, new equipment, and proper uniforms And this summer we're going for our fourth trophy.

When I reached the other cheerleaders the cheerleaders from Eastway were trying to challenge us and it was accepted at halftime.

****

After halftime, someone handed me a rose which brightened up my mood. I looked around and a white cast was waving at me from the bleachers. It was Victor giving me a thumbs up with his broken arm, I blushed and sat it on the bench beside me and went back to get the crowd pumped up. Our team was winning pushing towards victory leaving two more games in the season including the homecoming game. The game was almost over and we were about to win and I cheered as much as my body allowed.

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